Another *touch* question

[PrincessFiona]

Since touch seems to be such an issue...here's something I want to throw out....These are totally random touch questions, btw....


1. If you walked by a friend or someone you knew fairly well looking really unhappy, would you touch their arm to ask them if they were ok?

2. If a friend burst forth with excitement about something special (pregnancy, selling a house) would you hug them without asking first?

3. If someone that you didn't know very well or even at all was sitting on a bench crying, would you put a hand on their shoulders or kneel down by them to see if you could help?

4. If a friend got a very colorful tattoo and showed it to you, would you touch it?

5. If someone else's child falls off of playground equipment and scrapes a knee and is crying and you don't see mom, do you go to the child and soothe them/touch their leg...see if you can find mom?

[houseelf]

I'm a toucher...I would cop a feel in all of the above. I think that this is largely personal and cultural.

Kelly

[DCJenn]

Are you kidding?

I touch nothing. It's the DC girl in me, we don't make eye contact either. We basically dislike the human race and find other people to be a bother.

Jenn

[houseelf]

Mental note to self: touch DCJenn as much as possible next time I see her.

Kelly

[PrincessFiona]

Are you kidding?

I touch nothing. It's the DC girl in me, we don't make eye contact either. We basically dislike the human race and find other people to be a bother.Jenn

Did I touch you when we met at the Spaghetti Warehouse, Jenn? I've been wracking my brain now. "Oh, NO...did I make her uncomfortable".

Mental note to self: touch DCJenn as much as possible next time I see her.

Kelly

:>

1. If you walked by a friend or someone you knew fairly well looking really unhappy, would you touch their arm to ask them if they were ok?

If I knew them, I'd probably touch their arm as part of my inquiry.

2. If a friend burst forth with excitement about something special (pregnancy, selling a house) would you hug them without asking first?

Yes, unless I know it's someone who doesn't like to be hugged.

3. If someone that you didn't know very well or even at all was sitting on a bench crying, would you put a hand on their shoulders or kneel down by them to see if you could help?

Depends on the environment and the body language of the person. A woman my age, alone, in a well-lit safe area? I'd probably stop and ask if they needed anything. Otherwise - no.

4. If a friend got a very colorful tattoo and showed it to you, would you touch it?

No. Nothing about a tattoo says tactile experience to me. It's not like they're braile.

5. If someone else's child falls off of playground equipment and scrapes a knee and is crying and you don't see mom, do you go to the child and soothe them/touch their leg...see if you can find mom?

Absolutely.

[SuzySunshine]

Re: Another *touch* question

1. If you walked by a friend or someone you knew fairly well looking really unhappy, would you touch their arm to ask them if they were ok?

2. If a friend burst forth with excitement about something special (pregnancy, selling a house) would you hug them without asking first?

3. If someone that you didn't know very well or even at all was sitting on a bench crying, would you put a hand on their shoulders or kneel down by them to see if you could help?

4. If a friend got a very colorful tattoo and showed it to you, would you touch it?

5. If someone else's child falls off of playground equipment and scrapes a knee and is crying and you don't see mom, do you go to the child and soothe them/touch their leg...see if you can find mom?

1. Yes, if it was a close friend I'd ask if they were okay - I don't know that I'd touch them.

2. If a friend was that excited with good news, yes I'd probably hug them. I've had several people hug me over my news and I'm fine with that.

3. I would not approach a crying stranger unless it was a child that looked hurt or lost.

4. I don't think I'd touch a tatoo just because why do you need to touch it?

5. Yes, I think I would comfort a child if their parent was occupied or not around.

Friends and children are one thing. Random strangers touching me is not okay. And yes, I consider all of you friends so hugging when we meet is acceptable/expected!

[SuzySunshine]

Re: Another *touch* question

And yes, I consider all of you friends so hugging when we meet is acceptable/expected!

Phew! I was starting worry that I had inadvertently offended you in the past. You definitely getting a hug next Friday so brace yourself. :P Promise to refrain from any belly rubbing though. Girls scouts honor.

I figured Jenn P was thinking the same thing since we hugged when we met last Saturday.

Re: Another *touch* question

I figured Jenn P was thinking the same thing since we hugged when we met last Saturday.

Annie & I hugged when we met, too. Oddly enough, SueC and I did not hug when we met (and I now know that she's not a hugger). We hadn't corresponded much prior - and it was at a big kid function so our hands were full. However, when she is sad or needs a hug, a hug is given & she is fine with it and welcoming.

I wasn't worried, Cheri.

[rainbabies]

1. If you walked by a friend or someone you knew fairly well looking really unhappy, would you touch their arm to ask them if they were ok?

yes

2. If a friend burst forth with excitement about something special (pregnancy, selling a house) would you hug them without asking first?

depends on the friend

3. If someone that you didn't know very well or even at all was sitting on a bench crying, would you put a hand on their shoulders or kneel down by them to see if you could help?

no

4. If a friend got a very colorful tattoo and showed it to you, would you touch it?

no. you're not supposed to touch them afterwards

5. If someone else's child falls off of playground equipment and scrapes a knee and is crying and you don't see mom, do you go to the child and soothe them/touch their leg...see if you can find mom?

i may pick the kid up and look around...but i wouldnt touch their booboo.

im a hugger tho...does that help soften my answers.

[planet]

we don't make eye contact either. We basically dislike the human race and find other people to be a bother.

Jenn

So it really is so. This was my experience commuting in Boston. Nice to hear it put so bluntly from the horse's mouth.

I get autistic tendencies and sometimes can't bear to be touched...or even talked to. But I mostly control it and am comfortable being touchy. I go with a gut feeling, whether it is about a kid or an adult, stranger or not.

[GrayMatterWife]

Re: Another *touch* question

Responses in CAPS below:

1. If you walked by a friend or someone you knew fairly well looking really unhappy, would you touch their arm to ask them if they were ok?

WOULD I THEN BE OBLIGATED TO ENGAGE IN CONVERSATION WHEREBY I'D BE EXPECTED TO RELAY EMPATHY? I DON'T DO THAT WELL. I HAVE TO PLAN FOR THESE THINGS AND MENTALLY PREPARE MYSELF.

2. If a friend burst forth with excitement about something special (pregnancy, selling a house) would you hug them without asking first?

I AM NOT GOOD WITH PEOPLE WHO BURST. I PREFER CONTROLLED, SCHEDULED, AND CAREFULLY ORCHESTRATED EXPRESSIONS OF GENUINE EMOTION. PREFERABLY IN THE PRIVACY OF ONE'S OWN HOME, AROUND A SELECT GROUP OF CLOSE FRIENDS WHO WOULD NOT RECOUNT THE OCCASION TO OTHERS.

3. If someone that you didn't know very well or even at all was sitting on a bench crying, would you put a hand on their shoulders or kneel down by them to see if you could help?

IN MY LINE OF WORK, IF I SAW SOMEONE CRYING ON A "BENCH," THEY'D PROBABLY BE AT THE JUDGE'S BENCH IN THE COURTROOM. GIVEN THAT THIS IS A TIGHTLY SECURED AREA. I'D BE MORE LIKELY TO CALL THE US MARSHALS AND REPORT A SECURITY BREACH.

4. If a friend got a very colorful tattoo and showed it to you, would you touch it?

ONLY IF SHE'D LET ME SQUISH THE FLESH TO MAKE HER TATTOO LITTLE BUTTERFLY ALL DISTORTED, TO LOOK LIKE A VULTURE. THAT WOULD BE COOL.

5. If someone else's child falls off of playground equipment and scrapes a knee and is crying and you don't see mom, do you go to the child and soothe them/touch their leg...see if you can find mom?

NO. HURT CHILDREN ARE A HUGE LAWSUIT POTENTIAL. IF I INADVERTENTLY MAKE THE INJURY WORSE, I'LL BE LOOKING DOWN THE BARREL OF A 5-FIGURE JUDGMENT. I WOULD CONTACT MY ATTORNEY AND ASK HOW TO PROCEED.

[DCJenn]

Well, Sally essentially told me "too bad, we're hugging."

and we do and it's fine.

rick actually instituted what he called "Hug Therapy" for me where he hugged me in ever longer increments. Like he started at 10 seconds and I was jumping out of my skin.

I belong to a huge family of huggers (they're not from DC) but my immediate family hugs on holidays.

I like to hug Nikolai though- but his attention span is about as long as mine.

Jenn

[GrayMatterWife]

we don't make eye contact either. We basically dislike the human race and find other people to be a bother.

Jenn

So it really is so. This was my experience commuting in Boston. Nice to hear it put so bluntly from the horse's mouth.

I get autistic tendencies and sometimes can't bear to be touched...or even talked to. But I mostly control it and am comfortable being touchy. I go with a gut feeling, whether it is about a kid or an adult, stranger or not.

To truly experience eye-contact avoidance, you MUST go to Philly. You'd think glances spread communicable diseases, the way people dodge them.

I knew there was some reason I liked Philly.

1. If you walked by a friend or someone you knew fairly well looking really unhappy, would you touch their arm to ask them if they were ok?

Maybe on the touch, it depends, but I would definitely inquire if they were ok or needed help. I'm not as into touching and feel like I get my point across pretty well with my verbal and body language skills.

2. If a friend burst forth with excitement about something special (pregnancy, selling a house) would you hug them without asking first?

Yes, probably unless I knew that person really didn't like to be hugged. I usually don't ask if I can hug anyway. Once I decide it is ok, I proceed. :> (Except with upset kids -- I ask first if they want a hug).

3. If someone that you didn't know very well or even at all was sitting on a bench crying, would you put a hand on their shoulders or kneel down by them to see if you could help?

Definitely a no touch zone here. Unless it is a kid as people mentioned. Whether or not I stop probably depends on my gut feeling about the situation.

4. If a friend got a very colorful tattoo and showed it to you, would you touch it?

No. ?

5. If someone else's child falls off of playground equipment and scrapes a knee and is crying and you don't see mom, do you go to the child and soothe them/touch their leg...see if you can find mom?

Yes, I would go to them and help pick them up and dust off or see if they need more and help find mom. If helping involved touching then yes. I would either hug or put a hand on the shoulder or offer it. If a kid was darting into a parking lot or a dangerous situation, I wouldn't hesitate to grab them.