Why I Want A Wife

[Thank god for financial aid even if it was loans. I got my best grades during that time-- all As and Bs. I think I was so focused, there was no room to "slack off." I always had to stay ahead of the game in case my kid was sick or my sitter cancelled.

Same experience here. It was a great motivator.

Julie -

You might want to check with the public K-12 school system wherever you finish your education degree. The system I taught in was so desperate for special ed teachers that could pass the Praxis that they had an arrangement for employees (teachers) to teach during the day and go to school on scholarship at night to work toward a masters. I believe one of the colleges paid a stipend on top of the scholarship.

Julie -

You might want to check with the public K-12 school system wherever you finish your education degree. The system I taught in was so desperate for special ed teachers that could pass the Praxis that they had an arrangement for employees (teachers) to teach during the day and go to school on scholarship at night to work toward a masters. I believe one of the colleges paid a stipend on top of the scholarship.

I knew there were incentive plans floating around (state to state of course) but that is SWEET! I'll keep my eyes open!

I think it's awesome to see those who made the sacrifice for their education. Way to go Mama's! My family doesn't have much education done, you just didn't have to have it 20 years ago to have a decent life. Now, forget it, it's a crutch of having to have almost to much education for the debt burden. I mean is it really fair for a teacher or social worker to be forced to get a masters at their income level? They could cut out some of the crap classes and have it pruned down IMO. We can't assume that all teachers, social workers and the like are going to live in a two income house. So living at $35K starting out with debt to start paying back is kinda rough. My very close friend, her mother was an art teacher and due to financial contraints just completed MO's quota for a master about 20 years after starting to teach.

Anyway go us I KNOW my house is gonna be a wreck during all of this, LOL!

Julie,

Here's another idea for you- there are various student loan debt forgiveness programs around the country. I guess it would really depend on where you guys end up. I know if you teach in a Title 1 school for 5 years you can have all or a percentage of your loans paid by the government. Same thing with teaching on an Indian reservation. My BFF is moving her family to Montana in 2 years when her DH completes all of his masters so they can have ALL of their undergrad and grad loans paid just by both of them working on a reservation.

I can't speak to teaching on a reservation, but teaching in a Title I school can be rough and burn you out quickly. That's something you need to go into knowing. Being in special ed might make it easier since you'll probably have fewer students, though.

If I could go back and do it all over again, I would get my degree in speech pathology and work for a school system. Ahhhh hindsight...

[madeintaiwan]

I think it's awesome to see those who made the sacrifice for their education. Way to go Mama's! My family doesn't have much education done, you just didn't have to have it 20 years ago to have a decent life. Now, forget it, it's a crutch of having to have almost to much education for the debt burden. I mean is it really fair for a teacher or social worker to be forced to get a masters at their income level? They could cut out some of the crap classes and have it pruned down IMO. We can't assume that all teachers, social workers and the like are going to live in a two income house. So living at $35K starting out with debt to start paying back is kinda rough. My very close friend, her mother was an art teacher and due to financial contraints just completed MO's quota for a master about 20 years after starting to teach.

Anyway go us I KNOW my house is gonna be a wreck during all of this, LOL!

A house is just a house. Everything will be fine. Watching your parents struggle (whether it be working to put food on the table or going to school) teaches children that life is not fair and life is tough but you have to push through it and make the best with what you have.

When you are done you should look into the programs that Heidi has mentioned. My friend who was a HS teacher got into a program where they paid for her master degree while she went to school and taught. Not only did they pay her fees, she also got a salary for teaching too. I still think that teachers and pretty much anyone who works social service is underpaid, but you'd be surprised that there are some places that pay well. My cousin has her MFT (and no clinical experience) and just starting working for the state counseling at risk teens and she makes 70k plus paid benefits. She still hasn't even begun to complete her required clinical hours for her MFT yet. She used to work for the public schools as a guidance counselor and they paid her 60k plus benefits. Sweet benefits. Most of my friends who teach (or taught) started in the upper 40s plus benefits. There is definitely something to be said for paid benefits-- health insurance alone. My stepdad pays 10k a year in just medical and dental premiums. When DH worked for UCD their paid contributions (medical, dental, vision, life insurance) were well over 800$ a month. Luckily for you, you will be in a two income household and the $ won't really matter. You can just do it for the passion, which is why most people who work in social services do it for anyway. Working with children and families is definitely not just a job. I'll be excited for you when you start.

[GrayMatterWife]

A house is just a house. Everything will be fine.

ITA. You won't regret having a messy house. You've got the whole rest of your life to clean. You may regret not pursuing your dream...

Julie,

Here's another idea for you- there are various student loan debt forgiveness programs around the country. I guess it would really depend on where you guys end up. I know if you teach in a Title 1 school for 5 years you can have all or a percentage of your loans paid by the government. Same thing with teaching on an Indian reservation. My BFF is moving her family to Montana in 2 years when her DH completes all of his masters so they can have ALL of their undergrad and grad loans paid just by both of them working on a reservation.

I can't speak to teaching on a reservation, but teaching in a Title I school can be rough and burn you out quickly. That's something you need to go into knowing. Being in special ed might make it easier since you'll probably have fewer students, though.

If I could go back and do it all over again, I would get my degree in speech pathology and work for a school system. Ahhhh hindsight...

ahhh hindsight indeed, If I were to claim a superpower, I'd want hindsight flipped, total 100% predicted forsight -

[GrayMatterWife]

Julie,

Here's another idea for you- there are various student loan debt forgiveness programs around the country. I guess it would really depend on where you guys end up. I know if you teach in a Title 1 school for 5 years you can have all or a percentage of your loans paid by the government. Same thing with teaching on an Indian reservation. My BFF is moving her family to Montana in 2 years when her DH completes all of his masters so they can have ALL of their undergrad and grad loans paid just by both of them working on a reservation.

I can't speak to teaching on a reservation, but teaching in a Title I school can be rough and burn you out quickly. That's something you need to go into knowing. Being in special ed might make it easier since you'll probably have fewer students, though.

If I could go back and do it all over again, I would get my degree in speech pathology and work for a school system. Ahhhh hindsight...

ahhh hindsight indeed, If I were to claim a superpower, I'd want hindsight flipped, total 100% predicted forsight -

That's awesome. I can hear the Marvel Comics character's intro right now:

Faster with the insight than Siddhartha;

More powerful than the wisest Old Testament oracle;

It's a sage! It's a Prophet! It's Jeane Dixon! ...no...it's SUPER FORESIGHT-MOM!!!

Re: Why I Want A Wife

Apparently I don't have a wife, at least if that article is telling me what one is. Sounds more like a slave one has sex with.

Allow me to add that it's pretty sucky on the med side too, constantly being pulled in 2 directions between work and family. It would be much easier if sleep was optional and days lasted 30 hours.

[PrincessFiona]

Re: Why I Want A Wife

Allow me to add that it's pretty sucky on the med side too, constantly being pulled in 2 directions between work and family. It would be much easier if sleep was optional and days lasted 30 hours.

:therethere:

It's hard all around...we know....and everyone recognizes the sacrifices that their spouses are making to become good doctors.....There is a light at the end of the tunnel, Russ...and it's not a train...I promise.

Hang in there. It isn't worth it to compare who has it worse (Michele wins hands down :> just kidding)....come together as a team to just get through to the other side. You can do it.

Sorry...totally off topic.

kris

[peggyfromwastate]

Re:

I am truly totally and completely satisfied with myself as a person for getting my degree even though I knew I wasn't going to "use it." I took my last exam 3 days before getting on the plane to fly out to STL for medical school knowing that I was going to SAH with DS. Truly all of the credit should go to my mother. I have no doubt whatsoever that I would not be the person that I am today if it wasn't for her.

I have struggled with the "usefullness" of a college degree, considering my status as a SAHM. I finished college when DD #1 was about 3.5 years old. My prof/advisor was really worried about me not going straight into a Masters or PhD program. I didn't b/c we wanted to have more kids, and prenancy and the o-chem lab just weren't compatible. So I have this degree, hard earned, with lots and lots of masters credits. But ultimately I don't know that I would go into Chem further. Although I love it, I didn't really love the lab so much. It was a bit frustrating. And I was even the "mom" in the lab- I ended up being the only one who would actually clean glassware. BUT, I have surmised that my college education is good, and DH really respects me for it, and he never ever questions my intelligence. If anything, he is really proud that I am willing to "take time off" to raise the kids.

There is a lot of pressure on me from the world out there to have a professional "significance" though. My mom is a hard pusher, and when people ask her what I am up to, she always says 'Oh well, Peg's type A and so she'll end up doing something. She just can't help herself...' I just wish I knew exactly what goal I had... I do think that I'll be back to school someday and with some type of degree and profession. My mom was also a "50s wife", who had enough of a career to put dad thru med school, and then she settled in to do "her stuff". She kept busy enough, but I think she kind of regrets not doing more.

As far as the article, ummmm, maybe I want a housekeeper and butler etc., but I don't think I want that particular lady as my wife....

Ultimately, I don't see myself as "oppressed" - DH doesn't minimize my efforts. But since I went through college as a single mom, I know it is a bit tricky. I would have to look at going back for more school as going as a single mom, b/c I'd have to find "full time" care for the kids. It gets complicated, but that's how it is. It definitely can be done. Kate was really proud of me when I got my degree and some medal thing (it was an academic honor- I can't remember what for but DH does ). Anyway, kate said, Mommy did you win the gold??? And my professor said, yes she did! Right on- I was really proud and it was so cool to see Kate proud.

Sorry for the rambling- my word I don't even remember what this post was about.

[GrayMatterWife]

Re: Re:

I have struggled with the "usefullness" of a college degree, considering my status as a SAHM. . . .

There is a lot of pressure on me from the world out there to have a professional "significance" though.

I think that there is an important distinction between the usefulness of a degree and the utilitization of a degree. You wonder about the "usefulness" of your degree because you are not currently employed in a field in which you would be applying that degree. I would argue that a college degree, of any sort--BA, BS, AB, in any field--is unquestionably useful because the education you received to obtain that degree has made you the person that you are today--incuding the parent that you are. Education is always a good thing, and it is especially important to moms. From the second your child is born, your primary job in life (regardless of whether you are employed outside the home) is developing the character, intellect, and values of that little person. Your education (and, even more importantly, your commitment to learning) will serve you (and, by extension, your child) well because it enables you to be a better critical thinker and share in a broader swath of experiences. And your child will learn these things from you. Even if I quit my job today and never worked outside the home another day in my life, I would never question the usefulness of my JD. My education (both my English degree from undergrad and my JD) is an important part of who I am today--why I think the way I think, why I enjoy certain things, etc. My child and my relationship with my child is better served because I have that education.

Contrast the usefulness of an education with the utilization of a particular degree. By utilization, I mean the specific application of that degree. Yes, you may not specifically utilize your degree (sounds like a chemistry or biochem degree?) in your job as a SAHM, but . . . a degree is a license, not a leash. It enables you to pursue a certain line of work, if you want. It doesn't obligate you to pursue it. If you want to be a SAHM, just for right now or on a permanent basis, you shouldn't feel you're "wasting" the potential utilization of your degree. "Wasting" implies the failure to properly use a resource. Who decides what is the proper use of your degree? You do, whether that means that your specifically utilize it or not. You are under no moral obligation to utilize your degree in any particular way.

But that's just my thinking. There's a whole school of thought out there arguing that educated women who do not utilize their degrees are acting against the interests of all women. But, I say, I'd rather be defined by the values that I believe are important to me and my family, not the values that a third-party sociology theorist thinks are important.

[SuzySunshine]

Re: Why I Want A Wife

I agree with Abigail - I think getting a college degree is important whether you use it or not. I have a BS and an MBA - neither of which I plan to use come December BUT I am who I am because of my experience with both. Some of my best friends are from my college days, coming from a small town I never would have had the experiences I had if I hadn't gone to a large college, I never would have met DH, the list would be endless. My MBA was a personal goal while DH was in medical school. My parents didn't go to college, I wanted that Masters degree just so that I could say I had it. I know now I should have gone back and gotten one in Sports Management or something that I really enjoyed b/c then maybe I would have enjoyed using it but that is a whole new thread.

I wouldn't want this lady as my wife either but I do hope that my education and experiences will make me a better wife and mother even if I choose never to go back to work.

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: Why I Want A Wife

my degree is a BS in chemistry. I am making peace with not "utilizing" it, but I do hope to go back to school someday. But maybe I won't, and maybe that will be OK too...

Anyway, my life as a SAHM is quite different from her portrayal of that life. Mac doesn't treat me like that, and he doesn't view me like that. Also, I'm not "task oriented" towards chores so much as towards "enrichment" stuff for the kids. Plus, I like taking them to the zoo (heck, I even will do chuck e cheese! )