I saw your Nanny...

[Tenacious_D]

So living in NYC I see a lot of nannies....A LOT! I personally can't imagine having a full time nanny when DH and I have kids but that is another debate. My question/problem is with the website http://isawyournanny.blogspot.com/

It's basically a place where people go to complain about other people's nannies (mostly in NYC tri-state area). I just feel like if you pay someone less than $12 an hour how in the world can they love and care for your child the way you should. People complain that nannies talk on the phone while with the kids...well mothers do it too. I don't know why that site bothers me so much but I feel like people are just nosey and picky. What do you think about a site like that existing. The NY Times has an article about it today http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/14/nyreg ... ef=thecity

[SuzySunshine]

Re: I saw your Nanny...

My sister took a year off of college to be a nanny when she was trying to "find" herself. I'll have to ask her what her thoughts are on this.

Personally, I don't know what my thoughts are. My personal experience with a nanny is through a friend that has one for her three year old and now newborn. They've had the same nanny since the older one was a baby and she's definitely a part of the family.

I guess my thoughts are that whether its a nanny or child care how can you REALLY know what goes on when you're not there? The blog is interesting but is it necessary, I don't know...

[DCJenn]

Re: I saw your Nanny...

The bottom line is that no one will do it 'right'. (not even we parents get it right!)

IN DC, like NYC, most kids spend most days w/ nannies or in daycare. When I was teaching Stroller Strides, we had just as many nannies as moms in the class. Did the nannies from other countries hang out together? Yes. Is that a bad thing? I don't know- it could go either way.

and really, I'm just as guilty about sitting on the computer (at this site) while my kid entertains himself...

Jenn

[madeintaiwan]

Re: I saw your Nanny...

I don't know, it is what it is. Personally I think if you're that concerned about the quality of care your children are getting while you're away then maybe you need to invest in better care or do it yourself. Wondering and being concerned is one thing but if you feel the need to spy on the person who is caring for your child then maybe that person isn't the right one. We were very picky about who we allowed to watch DS when I was trying to finish school. We interviewed a ton of people, got letters of recs. I usually go with my gut and the vibe I get from that person and my kid. There are still no guarantees. If I ever felt compelled to have to spy on my "nanny/caregiver" then it would be time to get another one. DH's uncle and wife own an au pair business. They have some pretty strict rules and guidelines for their au pairs, especially after that whole nanny thing in the 90s. Along the lines of what Jenn said. I think as long as they're not being negligent, talking to their friends or cruising the internet is no different than what I do when I have my kids. And what's the deal with the nannies speaking to other nannies from the same country of origin or language? Everyone needs someone to talk to.

Re: I saw your Nanny...

I think it's a way for people to try to make themselves feel better about the choices they make. I am NOT saying that having a nanny is a bad thing -- but I think people who might still be trying to recconcile their own personal choice are the type of folks who would post on that board.

My Chicago friends have a nanny, and I have no issue with it. This woman is their babysitter, pure and simple, but comes into their home rather than having to take the kids to her. She handles all housework related to the kids (laundry, cleaning up toys), and takes them to their activities. She makes $14 or $15/hour, plus some of her health insurance is covered. My friends take very good care of her (just offered to give her their old CAR, and have given her lots of their old (but not beat up at all) furniture.

My cousin (also in Chicago) has a nanny, and I have more of an issue with this one. Her dh works from home, and even while he was laid off earlier this year AND my cousin was on maternity leave, they STILL had the nanny b/c the older one "likes to be out and about". So for 3 months the adults literally outnumbered children. For them I think it's more of a way to deal with their insecurities in parenting, and they would totally let the nanny handle stuff even when they're around.

I realize I've digressed from the original topic, but my guess is that this will lead into the "is having a nanny okay" discussion anyway.

[Auspicious]

Re: I saw your Nanny...

I knew Park Slope would be featured in this article before I even read it. Somehow they've got quite a reputation as a locus of neurotic parenting.

To me, this reminds me of the "hat controversy" from a couple of years ago:
http://www.google.com/search?q=park+slo ... =firefox-a

There may be real issues there (quality childcare, imposing gender on children) but they're buried under a few layers of insanity that make me want to back away slowly. aranoid:

[GrayMatterWife]

Re: I saw your Nanny...

I think it's a way for people to try to make themselves feel better about the choices they make. I am NOT saying that having a nanny is a bad thing -- but I think people who might still be trying to recconcile their own personal choice are the type of folks who would post on that board.

My thoughts exactly.

[SuzySunshine]

Re: I saw your Nanny...

My sister's response - she was a nanny for a wealthy family in Chevy Chase, MD for a little over a year.

Interesting...mixed emotions I guess. I think it is intrusive and like the blogger you sent me said, it is nosey. If those same children were out with their parents, it may not be so different. I think some people are trying to pick at the women who do have nannies. I am sure there are nannies out there that need to be monitored, but part of the responsibility of having a nanny is making sure they are doing what you want them to do, if that means checking up on them, then that is what should be done. There are obviously a lot of women who have a lot of time on their hands.
As a previous nanny, I am sure there were times that I wasn't 100% attentive to the children, but I never put them in harms way. I also went the park with other nanny friends too and we talked, but again, always watched the kids. I also took them for ice cream which I am sure some of these women would look down upon.
But at the same time, I am white and the children i watched were white, so based on the blogs I read, I may not have been watched as much as some of the other nannies. I only read one thing about a white nanny and it was a good comment, you have to take that into account too.
anyhoo, I wouldn't give it too much credit, the internet isn't always a good thing.

Re: I saw your Nanny...

Your sister's point about being a white nanny is a good one. (Certianly not justifying it, just my observation) Even my friend in Chicago makes cracks about all of the foreign nannies, and it was important to them to have a nanny for whom English is her primary language.

Re: I saw your Nanny...

The area I lived in, in STL, had tons of nannies around at the playgrounds cause most of the families were career families. We'd chat at the pool, the playground and other play areas. I saw several somewhat regularly. I think nannies can be great, and a huge aid. But I think, just like moms, nannies get taken advantage off all the time by the parents. I knew a nanny of two dr.s who lived by me, and the nanny was a 70 old woman who just loved her job and didn't want to retire. She was a wonderful nanny, I saw her all the time, but I asked once how many hours she worked for the ENT and OB - she said often 12 hours a day cause they would get called in and so forth. I think it's unfair to a person who is part of your family for years who is elderly at that to assume they will stay an extra 2-4 hours cause you need them.

And to spy on them, well no I wouldn't, unless you thought harm was happening, I'm with Davita as I am careful about who watches our kids, and while you never know a 100% you can make sure you do your best. And $12 w/out benefits is not enough $$ IMO. But it's easier when the kid is older and can speak up if they are mistreated, it's much much scarier with an infant to have that trust with someone else.


My sister was a nanny for two families and one just really took advantage of her. The DH was getting his MBA and the wife was self employed working very pt. Well she nannied as the DH studied and the wife would ask at the drop of a hat for my sister to stay for a few hours extra so she could get cocktails. Or they would have her stay longer, and they were both home :huh: I just think if you have kids, be a parent and be there for them when they need it. Sure do your job, and get good care if need be, but don't expect the nanny to be the mom or dad - you can't hire love.

[GrayMatterWife]

Re: I saw your Nanny...

The area I lived in, in STL, had tons of nannies around at the playgrounds cause most of the families were career families.

I take it you lived in Clayton or maybe LaDue?

[PrincessFiona]

Re: I saw your Nanny...

Like all of us moms aren't currently sitting here on the computer reading this thread instead of doting on our kids....and we never talk to other moms at the park or answer the phone or call a friend while our children are in our charge?

hmmm

kris

[Rapunzel]

Re: I saw your Nanny...

Like all of us moms aren't currently sitting here on the computer reading this thread instead of doting on our kids....and we never talk to other moms at the park or answer the phone or call a friend while our children are in our charge?

hmmm

kris

Naaaaaaah

:nothing:

[Vishenka69]

Re: I saw your Nanny...

Almost everyone we know who has kids also has a nanny. In NY it's almost a given. Most look for a Russian speaking one, so the kids learns better Russian they he/she would from parents alone. Many even have live-in nannies who also cook and clean for them. Once again in NY totally the norm (every single person we know either has a cleaning woman or a live-in nanny, sometimes both). I don't see why either is a big deal and we even talked about timing (I know how unlikely this is) our conception to when someone will know will be "outgrowing" their nanny.

I think the neurosis about nanny spying has started when new age moms began to cut down on their work time and spend the extra free time obsessing about what their nanny does or doesn't do. Plus there's so much perfection expected in the business/medicine/law/etc. these days that many people can't help but carry that over to their help. "If I can deliver a great defense, why can't she feed him the correct lunch at the appointed time." And as Julie pointed out, Park Slope (and neighboring areas) over the past few years have developed into neighborhoods of over-obsessive parents.

[Sheherezade]

Re: I saw your Nanny...

Caveat: I didn't read the original posted blog.

I was also a SAHM in an area with lots of nannies and parents in the park. I would never had any interest in reporting any nanny or any of the minor "bad" behaviors reported here. I think - as a SAHP - that's silly. Sure, we all talk on the phone, check our email or talk to a friend whilst watching the children. Nothing criminal in that.

That said (and you *knew* something was coming! ) I once saw a group of "nannies" come up to our park with a group of toddlers and totally neglect them. They sat under a tree, cracked a six pack of beer and let the kids run wild with their backs turned on them. One kid lost her pants playing on the swing and I had to help her get them back on. These kids were all 2-3 years old. After their little "lunch break", they loaded the kids up without car seats in to the back of two minivans and took off. You've never seen a group of parents so totally shocked. We tried to figure out for days how to alert the parents to the "care" their toddlers were getting. Never did. FWIW, these nannies were probably au pairs - youngish, white, but totally uninterested in the kids. Now, if these web site let me report THAT, I'd be all over it. Poor kids. Poor parents. I sure hope the attitude of the "caregivers" was obvious outside the one park visit.