Choosing a church: philosophy or convenience?

[Rapunzel]

Re: Choosing a church: philosophy or convenience?

This is a weird subject for me.

In my church we go to a building (and, a congregation - or 'ward' - that meets in that building) according to geographic location. All of the wards all over the world (there are tens of thousands of them now) teach exactly the same lessons on any given Sunday (whether it be in the youth program, in the primary program, in adult Sunday school, in the Relief Society, in Priesthood). The standardization allows us to focus on supporting one another and learn to apply lessons to our everyday lives - because there's no varying doctrine to constantly scrutinize/debate. The speakers on Sunday are just members of the congregation (I gave a talk this last Mother's Day, for example) so there aren't any paid clergy to evaluate. Even if you don't like your bishop on a personal level (that would be the lay ecclesiastical leader of a ward) he's only going to have that calling for a couple of years and someone else in the ward will be called to that position then. I'm used to not having to think about this (how a church can cater to me), and, instead, figuring out how I can serve others in my church.

I honestly think that I would be a Deist if I wasn't LDS. I think I'd probably just go to a local church because they all have a paid clergy (complete with the politics involved). And, in the places I've lived, at least, the local church is kind of a community thing - not really a religious thing (kind of like a social club). In that sense I think I might evaluate a church based on what it could do for me. I would shop for a church in the same way I'd shop for a house or car: How much can I get for as little as possible? What looks nice? What is in it for me (and my family)? Can this help my career or social standing (the idea of church as social club)? I think that is how Obama found his church (since he says he didn't agree with the teachings).

I don't know.... I really don't know how you guys all do it....

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: Choosing a church: philosophy or convenience?

We just went through changing churches. Our first church had great community, and strong programs for little kids. That was exactly what I was looking for at the time. I knew going in that I didn't agree with some of the doctrine--- mostly regarding the role of women in the church. I come from a Presbyterian background and pretty much every elder female in my family has held some type of leadership role in the church. At this church? Not even allowed to be ushers. Of course I didn't realize the full extent of this until after a while attending, and then we were plugged into small groups, etc. What I came to find out was that pretty much everyone from that church agreed with this philosophy. I said, "Enough" and checked out pretty much 1 year before DH was ready to move on. So for me, doctrine trumped community. I have lost lots of friends over this, but I just couldn't take anymore.

The new church we are attending has a great kids program, and a large middle school and active high school too. This was key for me. I wanted a youth group for Kate. I checked it out *thoroughly* before attending concerning women's issues, since that seems to be my thing. The basic doctrinal statement of almost all christian churches I've looked at have been pretty similar. This church never touches on hot button social issues- like homosexuality, politics, etc. I find that refreshing. The congregation is extremely diverse, which is awesome. There is hardly any opportunity for community building outside of church, since everyone works so much, which is too bad for me because previously I enjoyed the *social outlet* of the ladies Bible study even though what was taught there bothered me for the rest of the week. :huh:

Anyway, in your situation, I may be tempted to think about the needs of the family and what you want your kids to grow up learning. If the closer-in churches, where their peers attend probably, have solid Sunday school programs and what not, it might be worth attending. But if you really truly can't stomach the differences you have with the philosophy of the church, I wouldn't go there.

[mommax3]

Re: Choosing a church: philosophy or convenience?

For me it is both, ideally, but if it comes down to it, philosophy will trump convenience. I am equally put off by churches that are too conservative OR too liberal (compared to my own beliefs) so just like Goldilocks, I am constantly searching for a church that is *just right*. Philosophically, my current church is exactly where I want to be. It is a non-denominational Bible church. However, it is really really small, and I am afraid we will be looking again before too long. I enjoy the people there, but DH and are the youngest regularly attending couple in the church. (There are about four other couples in their early 40s that have kids the same ages as ours.) There is a youth group, but we have no babies, and my son Nathan is the youngest regularly attending child.

There are several churches around Indianapolis that I know we would like, but I really wanted to go to a church in our immediate area so that my kids could go to school with their church friends, and (more practically) so that we could be involved without a lot of driving. If we end up leaving this church, we are going to have to make some tough decisions re:community/convenience vs. philosophy. For this season in our lives, we may have to fudge on our preferences a little bit in order to provide our family (and mostly our kids) with some community. The only bright spot in what is almost certainly looming ahead is that the couples w/kids that we know in our current church will also probably leave if we do, so we will all be looking at once. Really, the best scenario would be if our church just decided to merge with another one.....but I don't know if we can hang on long enough for that decision to be made.

Sally

[JaneDoe]

Re: Choosing a church: philosophy or convenience?

I'm not sure if my story is relevant to this thread or not, but I will share it anyway for a different perspective. I'm in the minority here. Dh and I don't go to church. We have no interest.

As some background: when I was a child, my parents (actually, it was my Mom) took us to church periodically. To illustrate how periodically, I don't even remember what denomination it was. (It had the Awanas program for kids, which incidentally I loved going to. Is that Baptist? ) I later learned from my Mom, that one Sunday, the church pastor encouraged the congregation to go and protest at an abortion clinic. My Mom said that angered her so much that she never returned after that. My Mom actually grew up Methodist and we occaisionally went to church with my Grandmother at the Methodist church too. My Dad hated going to church when he was growing up and pretty much refused to go as an adult. I don't remember have any childhood friends who attended church with their families either. Similar to my experience, Dh's parents took him periodically to the Presbytarian church. But, they went when he was very young and they ultimately quit going. I suppose that is why neither of us has any interest in attending church now.

When we moved to Pa, Dh and I were surprised by what a large role the church played in the community. We weren't familiar with that. Most people attended church, and I'm sure thought we were odd for not going.

So to answer the topic question, I guess we don't go to church because of philosophy. We really don't share the organized religion philosophy.

Re: Choosing a church: philosophy or convenience?

I'm not sure if my story is relevant to this thread or not, but I will share it anyway for a different perspective. I'm in the minority here. Dh and I don't go to church. We have no interest.

.....

So to answer the topic question, I guess we don't go to church because of philosophy. We really don't share the organized religion philosophy.

Similar answer here. Similar experience in childhood, actually, except that my mom kept taking me from one church to another until the priest or pastor said something she disagreed with so strongly she felt she had to leave.

Also a similar experience with being the odd ball out in my community as far as not attending a church. My neighbor says we go to St. Mattress. I like St. Mattress.

Re: Choosing a church: philosophy or convenience?

My neighbor says we go to St. Mattress. I like St. Mattress.

We occasionally attend Bedside Baptist around here!

[Flynn]

Re: Choosing a church: philosophy or convenience?

For me it is both, ideally, but if it comes down to it, philosophy will trump convenience. I am equally put off by churches that are too conservative OR too liberal (compared to my own beliefs) so just like Goldilocks, I am constantly searching for a church that is *just right*.

This is where we are, AND why we haven't found a church yet. To be totally honest, we haven't tried all that hard I'm ashamed to say but our small attempts were minor disasters.

Philosophy trumps convenience for us. Definitely.

DH isn't Catholic. We've been told by two churches here that they would eventually want him to convert in order to have communion with his family. This makes me see red. If we stay here long term, we may go see what Martin Luther has to offer. I think people of other faiths SHOULD BE WELCOMED with open arms.

I'm Catholic in large part due to the culture I grew up in. You can't be Irish and not have some connection to THE church. I honestly have a very hard time with a few fundamental beliefs the church holds dear.

I've never been much for praying. "Having a conversation with God" sounds Greek to me. I just don't get it. More power to the people who do, I just don't understand that type of language.

I think church is for connecting with your values and what you hold dear. It's calming and hopefully gives you balance. You can focus on being a better person and being thankful for what you have. I have a hard time feeling any of that where my husband is not welcome unless he does a few classes.

So yeah, we're still shopping around.

PS -- We loved our old church in the NW and yes it was Catholic. DH was MORE than welcome there and a woman said the homily about 50% of the time. The priest was fantastic -- a real down to earth guy. I miss that place.

[SuzySunshine]

Re: Choosing a church: philosophy or convenience?

I've just been reading along, not really sure what to add but here is where we're at...

DH and I were both raised in strong catholic families, attended mass every weekend, married in the catholic church, Adele was baptized here in "our" church. I say it that way because we are TERRIBLE attendees. When we moved here I visited all of the catholic churches in town trying to find the one that was the right fit for us. The one closest to our house was out b/c in my opinion I felt like they were having mass in a concrete room. It didn't feel like a church at all. The one we joined is more traditional, it reminds me of the church that my parents were married in and has a large contingent of families. The problem is that we rarely attend, I have a really hard time attending without DH and Sunday is his only day to sleep in on weekends when he doesn't work. I want our religion to be a big part of Adele's life and it was a big part of DH and I's life during college, maybe once she starts school or is a few years older we'll go more often its just another tough thing to fit in right now. :huh:

I do feel that I try to maintain my spirituality a few other ways. I have joined MOPS which is christian based and I've joined the med spouse bible study. So while I struggle with us not attending mass weekly I still feel like at some level I'm feeding that part of my life.