birth control

[rainbabies]

my dh is very conservative. very. not a liberal bone or thought in his body. so this discussion really suprised me. i'm not sure if it is 'daddy protecting his girls' or seeing 11 y.o.girls pregnant(yes 11 )at work.

anyhow...a few weeks ago, we were talking about pregnacy in teens, and then the whole MA pregnancy 'pact' news broke. dh said that as soon as our girls start menstrating, he is giving them the depo shot! uh, what? really? yup. he is dead serious. i would like to think that my girls wont have sex until they're married. (but i do live in the real world. hold me, please) but i think giving them a depo shot would actually encourage them. :huh:

so, what say you? would you do the same? i guess it's no different than putting your dtr on the pill. where's my rubber room!!??

[Vanquisher]

Re: birth control

I plan on having a series of many very thoughtful discussions with my daughter, and I will provide birth control to her or show her where to get it should she decide that she is ready for sex, which I will clearly tell her that she isn't. This will not be a one time conversation in our household for our daughter or our son. Sex is talked about with both of our children, even now, in age-appropriate ways that they can understand. The discussions will build, grow, magnify, and be more frequent as they get older and mature.

I am not above giving my daughter a Depo shot. I do not believe that giving them birth control encourages sexual behavior, and I think several studies have shown that providing access to birth control and/or condoms does not increase the prevalence of sexual activity.

[DCJenn]

Re: birth control

My friend's mom marched a bunch of us down to Planned Parenthood and all of us ended up on the pill. It didn't seem to impact who had sex or when. Some of us did and some of us waited.

I think it's more about what you teach your kids at home. I don't think the fact that they know that they can't get pregnant would necessarily make them any more inclined than they would normally be. It was fear of STDs more than fear of pregnancy that worked for most of my friends.

Jenn

[spotty_dog]

Re: birth control

Honestly, Depo freaks me out. Most hormonal birth control freaks me out, especially for bodies that haven't finished maturing. Besides, it doesn't protect against STDs.

Those girls in MA have a lot of personal problems that sterility wouldn't have cured.

What does he propose doing for your son's fertility? He's just as likely to have premarital sex, and just as responsible for any resulting pregnancy.

I guess I hope that I can raise my kids to have the self-respect, self-awareness, and personal responsibility to make those choices when they're old enough to do so (and supervise them when they're not!) It sounds naive just writing it out like that, but it seems like it worked for my parents (both for me and for my less-biddable little brother, LOL.)

Just some disjointed thoughts. Raising kids in today's world of internet stalkers and pregnancy pacts is so scary!

[rainbabies]

Re: birth control

What does he propose doing for your son's fertility?

i asked him that. you don't want to know what he said.

[HouseofWool]

Re: birth control

What does he propose doing for your son's fertility?

i asked him that. you don't want to know what he said.

Uhhh, I do now...

[Auspicious]

Re: birth control

Although I have a positive view of hormonal bc in general, if my teenager needed bc I definitely would not want it to be Depo. Too many anecdotal horror stories about reacting badly to it, and if they do react badly, it takes too long to get out of their system. That's a lot to put on a teenager who doesn't know their own body/cycles yet. Whew!

And no I wouldn't force birth control on my daughter just because of menarche. Not at all the message I hope to send her or the relationship I hope to have with her when it comes to the issue of sex.

[Vishenka69]

Re: birth control

I obviously don't have any children but I do wish my mom would let me get on the pill while in high school. It wouldn't have sped up my loss of viginity but would have saved me years of misery and being virtually unfunctional for at least a week each month. I do think education and open communication goes a long way.

DH's idea of instituting birth control is to let the residents (who are on a 3 months OB rotation) practice putting epidurals in his teenage patients.

[JaneDoe]

Re: birth control

I remember as a teenager, my Mom sitting me down and telling me that if I want or need bc, to ask her and she will take me in and get me on the pill. I was not having sex nor was it on my radar, so I really didn't need it at that moment. But, when the time did come, I felt awkward about asking her, so I took it upon myself to go to the doctor for the pill.

Her conversation sure didn't cause me to think- oh great I have the green light for the pill now I will go out and have wild sex. I was glad she sat me down and talked to me about it because when I met Dh I felt prepared to make the decision to be responsible for my fertility.

For my kids (which applies to both my daughter and son), I think Dh and I plan to take an approach similar to Heidi's. Have age approporiate conversations about with them about sex as they grow. Part of my conversations with them will sure be that they aren't ready for sex as teenagers. :tsk: If necessary, however, I would buy my kids birth control.

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: birth control

If my parents had had me get a bc shot, I think I would've felt a lot more free to have sex. If I knew I had to talk to someone in order to get bc, esp my parents, I would've been way too embarrassed/afraid my parents would find out.

I really don't know what we're going to do... and DD is 12.

[mommax3]

Re: birth control

I don't have daughters, so I am hesitant to post at all, but I am pretty sure that even if we did, DH would not advocate Depo for them at that early age (and if he did, I wouldn't.....hormones at that young age would make me nervous). He did say a few months ago that if we had daughters, he would have them get that new vaccine that can help protect women from cancer.

We are teaching our boys that it would be best for them to wait until they are married to have sex.....they will make their own choices, though, obviously. As they get older, I hope DH and I will be able to have some honest conversations with them about birth control.....actually, we already have had one conversation with our oldest about it. He is still pretty grossed out by the whole idea of sex, honestly. I hope that they will wait to have sex, but if they don't, I hope that we will have taught them enough so that they know how to protect themselves and their partners.

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: birth control

We had Kate get the vaccine. There was a big deal about it-- some thought that girls would confuse it with birth control. She was 10 or 11 when she got the first shot, and bc is NOT on her radar and the doc told her this is NOT bc but it will protect against a cancer that could result from an STD, etc., etc. She was very grossed out by it... Her response: Ewww, gross. Just give me the shot, but I don't really want to know why I'm getting it.

Re: birth control

I'm pretty much nodding in agreement with Alison, Julie, Julia, and Sally.

I expect that we will continue with age appropriate discussions about sex. DD1 has already asked what people do if they don't want to get pregnant and I'm happy (if not a bit uncomfortable at times) to talk about it.

I think that if I were made to have depo at the onset of periods (Accutane excepted) at some point in my life I might expect that sexual behavior is expected of me, perhaps sooner than is best or desired. I don't think that is the same thing as an offer of assistance from a parent.

Re: birth control

I think that if I were made to have depo at the onset of periods (Accutane excepted) at some point in my life I might expect that sexual behavior is expected of me, perhaps sooner than is best or desired. I don't think that is the same thing as an offer of assistance from a parent.

I'm wondering if the original intention was to administer Depo w/o saying that it's birth control. (Correct me if I'm wrong, Sylvia). If the idea is to slip a contraceptive into her Wheaties or something - that avoids the idea of "encouraging sex" while still providing the "protection".

I'm not condoning or saying that I'd do it (I don't think I would). Just wondering about the master plan we're all questioning.

[Vishenka69]

Re: birth control

I think every kid is different. When I got my period at 10, sex was so not on my radar (and didn't get there for another 5-6 years). But my mom felt so uncomfortable talking to me about it that to this day I wonder if I know more than she does. She took me to several docs to see if my super heavy periods were normal and if there's anything they can do about them and they all suggested the pill. Her reaction was, "I'm not putting my 12 year old on a pill no matter what." Looking back I don't see that as a very educated decision. I don't think the amount of heavy duty prescription pain killers I ended up taking was that much better for me.