A Diary of A Mad Black Woman

[DrWahoo]

I am still very curious on why white women are a little hesitant to address the reality of the starter wife. I think this movie clip really speaks to me,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJKkCkNjTZQ

I am not saying we should live in fear, but protecting yourself is something that should be discussed openly on this forum. Jews have a Kettubah, which I think I can dig. I think we do an injustice to young women when we do not speak the truth in love. To me an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Is medical training hard ? yes. Do we have to be co-dependent doormats ? No. Can you survive ? Yes.

IMHO, it is more about the over all health of the relationship rather than the actual medical training. How you keep the fires going is up to you. I don't know any other resources that are out there but I think the CDMA does a good job:
http://www.cmda.org/AM/Template.cfm?...ge_Conferences
You have to find your own Noble path to happiness and transcend this awful medical training process. One thing I know for sure, no spouse can be clingy. Accept the reality that they will never be there for you like your cousin so&so whose spouse works from 9-6pm everyday. A medical marriage is like Yoga or tantric sex. You have to bend and mold yourself in ways you never thought possible. But it is so satisfying when you get it right

I am so glad to be out of the game, but my path doesn't have to be anyone elses. I know there are alot of great guys out there who can balance home and work. My ex was just a complete moron. Clearly he was involved with an emotional affair at work and really thought I was just going to sit on my thumbs and let it happen. Every black film in America is about how men are dogs, so did he really think me the mother of his childern who help craft his career was an idiot ? I simply had to continually play this sweet little song by Beyonce over and over again
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsQvXgCcng8. Then I was a boy for a day to get even. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVTyLqkez6A He clearly knew nothing about Black Amerian women, lol.

[ladymoreta]

Re: A Diary of A Mad Black Woman

You bring up a really interesting question. I (of course) can't speak for the majority of white women, so I'll just throw out my perspective. Divorce really hasn't been a reality in my life. I've had extended family who divorced, and one of my friend's parents divorced when we were in grade school, but it was never really something that I experienced. My parents and my husband's parents have all stayed married, and I spent a lot of my childhood at my Granny and Grandpa's house, and they had a lifelong loving marriage.

In the back of my mind, I know that statistically medical marriage have a higher divorce rate, and anything is possible - he could up and leave me for a thinner, prettier model, but that would be like me waking up one morning with blonde hair and blue eyes. I know this man, and he has never given me any reason not to trust him. And I'm not a very trusting person.

I think that dating for 2+ years and then being married for 2+ years before having kids is a good standard to make sure you really know the person. It won't guarantee a till-death-do-we-part marriage, but that gives a good foundation to the relationship. If during those four years, anything about the person seems fishy, or if a close friend or relative tells you they're concerned, it's probably not a good match.

So, after all that rambling, I can't really say if this is a white perspective, a naive perspective, or my own little creation that makes me feel secure. But I really can't be happy and loving to my wonderful husband if I'm constantly worrying that he's going to leave me, so I just don't really think about it.

[DrWahoo]

Re: A Diary of A Mad Black Woman

Thanks for the input. I think you are totally right. Family background plays a huge deal. I was just looking at some pictures from medical school, and I am quite convinced me ex is insane. Only Slyvia (rainbabies) can even remotely begin to understand how devastated I am. We didn't just go to any medical school. We went to Ross University School of Medicine on a God forsaken island called Dominica. My ex didn't leave me for another woman. I think honestly when I think about it, he suffers from some serious psychological issues. I am just really kind of reeling and trying to figure out what to do about him. Because it is really odd watching a functioning doctor who is clearly mentally ill with something. He had head injury when he was a young boy in Cameroon and I seriously wonder if it is affecting him.Thinking about it now I think I have a pang of compassion. However, I can't tell if he is just wicked or ill. He changed so much that I really thought even witchcraft. I just don't know how to get him tested for anything since we are separated. He might be bipolar from what I can tell because he went out bought a mercedes and a Hummer in a matter of two months. I don't care how stressed you are two luxury vehicles in a less than a year is a little much, especially when your credit is awful.