to confront or not?

[L.Jane]

I put this in debate because I am having this debate with myself and I'd love all of your opinions.

Anyway... I have a friend (we will call her Jenna). I introduced her to another friend of mine (Call her Dina). Lately I have been calling Jenna to invite her out only to find out she has plans with Dina and they didn't bother to invite me. Now most of the time I don't care because they are going to single events and as you all know, I am not single. But last night it REALLY got to me. J and I get a call last minute asking us if we are on our way to a shabbat service/channukah dinner from a college friend of his. (long backstory short:. J's college buddies are all REALLY close and all live here. Dina is one of them) Neither J or I knew about it. So we quickly got up and got ready. I knew we would be late but hey, thats JST (Jewish standard time) I know that Jenna is always looking to come to these events so she can meet people so I immediately call her. During this phone call she tells me, "oh yeah, Dina invited me to that a while ago." I sat there stunned. Seriously? Neither of them could think to call me? Now Dina isn't that great of a friend, so really, I don't care that she didn't call, but Jenna is supposed to be a good friend of mine and I feel seriously hurt that she say, hey Dina has invited me to this event, do you want to come to? It wasn't a singles event and Its the type of event I have been trying to get her to go to. Am I overreacting? Should I not be hurt?

The bigger question is, do I just swallow my feelings or do I talk to her about this? Do I tell her how I feel? Part of me feels like if I don't, and it continues to happen, I am going to get angrier and angrier instead of just slightly hurt. And isn't that the point of communication? To talk things out. If we can't talk through this, are we really friends? I think I am answering my own questions writing this out, but I am going to post it anyway.

[NYCHoosier]

Re: to confront or not?

Definitely confront her, but do so without assumptions and remember to use "I" statements. It may just be a misunderstanding of some sort, but it's never going to get sorted out if you don't say something. Just be like, "hey, I've been feeling left out lately..."
Be careful to not accuse her of anything because then she'll feel the need to be defensive. She might get defensive anyway, but in my experience, I statements really do minimize drama.

Good luck!

*hugs*

[DCJenn]

are they both single?

If they are then there's your answer right there. They're likely making assumptions that you're otherwise occupied.

Jenn

[ladymoreta]

are they both single?

If they are then there's your answer right there. They're likely making assumptions that you're otherwise occupied.

Sounds about right to me. I'm pretty non-confrontational, so I probably wouldn't say anything to her about it. I'd just start initiating more girls' nights out so I knew I'd be included. Have some with both of them, since they clearly enjoy each others' company, and have some with just you and Jenna, so you can reconnect.

[Deebs]

During training (and after), I started making a point to people about how frequently I was home alone. Most people don't realize and assume that you have built in plans because you aren't technically single. I would have a conversation with your friend, letting her know that you'd like to see her more often, but also make a point in letting her know that you are often without your SO.

[scrub-jay]

You could confront - but I would do it from a tone of "I'd really like to see you more...etc" instead of a "Why have I been excluded...?" tone. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and hope that it was unintentional. I am sorry you are going through this -- I've been there too and it is painful. I think you should probably do/say something, if for your own piece of mind.

Good luck!

[Meenah]

I agree with Jenn & Laurie. Friendships can take alot of work!!!!

[L.Jane]

Thanks everyone! Jenna knows I am without J quite often. Its been discussed. Now that I've cleared my head today and am in a better mind space I am ready to talk with her. I really, on her part, thinks its just a lack of thought. Not in a bad way, just in an... well air head way. I am going to talk to her when we have a chance to get together and just be honest with her.

[L.Jane]

I talked to her and its all worked out. Jenna had assumed since Deb invited her that I would know all about it. She had been surprised that I hadn't known about the event and apologized that my feelings got hurt. It was a really good talk. Yeay.

[scrub-jay]

I talked to her and its all worked out. Jenna had assumed since Deb invited her that I would know all about it. She had been surprised that I hadn't known about the event and apologized that my feelings got hurt. It was a really good talk. Yeay.

Congrats! I'm glad you got the resolution you needed.