Childbirth

[Thirteen]

Are we in a pickle now... sheesh!

I have read various books on childbirth methods: some are schools of thought for L&D, others are historical overviews of L&D practices, and a few are medical (not super technical though: think Mayo Clinic). Through doing so, I have started to form my own opinions on how I'd like (notice the word "like," not demand or expect) my birth experience to be. No, I don't have a 13 page birth plan or anything like that. This is where it gets super hairy.

DH agrees that we should go to "class." We have not agreed upon where/what type of class to attend. We are running out of time.
I am leaning towards something close to or resembling the Bradley method/husband coached childbirth - he was fine with this, until I started talking about how some of the things I've read seem to point towards the fact that birth is a business and not an experience anymore.
This pissed him off...
Basically, I'm a feminist and he's a dawkter. My take is "help coach me the way I need to be coached/I am woman, here me roar, I want to try this drug-free" and his response is "medical intervention is usually necessary/why wouldn't you want pain medication/don't come crying to me when you are clearly in pain." *facepalm*
Of course, this discussion was with a post-call man, who had watched a multip deliver (she wasn't pushing correctly, she wasn't listening to the doctors, she was experiencing hypoxia from holding her breath too much, etc). Overall, I think we do have SOME common ground though: we agree that no matter what, we want Bean to be born safely, and that DH wants to coach me through it/be there for me.
I guess what I'm looking for is how did you guys settle on common ground? Has anyone tried for/attempted natural childbirth? How supportive was your SO?

[MrsK]

This is coming from the woman believes that having a birthplan guarantees that the mom will be disappointed with her delivery experience and who defers to her OB 100%. I told my OB that she's done this many more times that I have, I defer to her expertise, and if she says that the baby has to be extracted through my navel, okey-dokey.

That said, I'd recommend that you attend the class offered by the hospital where you plan to deliver -- or, even better, if your OB recommends a class for his patients. Regardless of how you'd like your delivery to go, they will be in the best position to tell you what options are available at that hospital, how deliveries usually go, show you the facility, and generally let you know what to expect. You'll also get a feel for which "options" are a PITA for the L&D nurses. The instructor will not come right out and tell you but you will definitely get the drift if they are simply not crazy about LeBoyer baths, for instance.

[spotty_dog]

The Bradley method books were really helpful for me. I'm not sure the full 12 week Bradley husband coaching class would have been right for us as a couple, not least of which because DH was a busy resident during the latter part of my first pregnancy. And as you've seen, sometimes there's a fine line in the natural birth community between supporting the birthing woman to be empowered in her own delivery, and bashing the medical milieu that they perceive as being organized to take that power away from a woman. I wouldn't want to have anything to do with doctor bashing, so I'd be really cautious about choosing "crunchy" classes to attend with doctor in tow. I've heard great things about the Hypnobabies program, and they have home-study materials available.

I had two wonderful births without pain meds and my husband was a rock star at both.

[scrub-jay]

DH was my partner through the entire process and still is. We were 100% on the same page and we took 2 classes, both NOT offered in the hospital because we wanted to learn the tricks and tips to apply to medication-free childbirth. From what I can remember, labor was intense, but manageable (this coming from a woman who had contractions start 2 minutes apart and 2 minutes long...for 20 hours or so - basically "sustained active labor"). I credit my DH for being my partner at every single step. My advice: take a class offered outside of the hospital with a doula or midwifery group that teaches classes (they'll have the right attitude toward your attempts), engage a partner that believes 100% that you can do it without pain meds AND is willing to help you (DH continued to offer me new things/ran me a bath/brought out a ball/labored at home with me for 5 hrs of active labor), go to a class held by a well-respected lactation consultant if you plan on bf-ing (this is ESSENTIAL!). We never settled on a middle ground, DH believed in me and we were on the same page 110%. We had a <1 page "birth plan" that highlighted our most valued preferences (natural, breastmilk only, baby-in-room, delayed cord cutting), but we chose a hospital and midwifery group that already supported our preferences. The best piece of advice I can offer: prepare yourself, but vow to remain positive regardless of what happens. Did everything happen for me as planned? Of course not, but I walked out of the hospital with a healthy child and a healthy me. Although different from what I had wanted, I still feel very positive toward my experience. PM me if you want to know more about my experience with medication-free (I HATE the term "natural") laboring, bf-ing, etc. I'd be happy to share.

[scrub-jay]

I wouldn't want to have anything to do with doctor bashing, so I'd be really cautious about choosing "crunchy" classes to attend with doctor in tow.

We did this, and although it was a little "bashing" at first, we felt it was a good opportunity to educate the group regarding the medical perspective and make a few couples feel a little more comfortable about their physicians. I cannot believe how many people felt that OBGYNs were out to get them when they came in to deliver. At the end of the session, I think we changed quite a few minds. Most of these people feel they are "preaching to the choir" when they start bashing... it is good to give a little perspective.

[KCwife]

I've had four pain med free births. All in the hospital. I would suggest 'The Birth Partner' book for you and your DH, and 'Birthing from Within' for you. This way you can talk about things you think might help you, and he can prepare in advance how to accommodate you on those.

[SoonerTexan]

Have you thought about hiring a Doula?

[scrub-jay]

I've had four pain med free births. All in the hospital. I would suggest 'The Birth Partner' book for you and your DH, and 'Birthing from Within' for you. This way you can talk about things you think might help you, and he can prepare in advance how to accommodate you on those.

I second this: We really liked the Birth Partner.

We had similar perspectives to y'all's, I think. I wanted to try for a med free birth. DH, having seen childbirth and knowing my tolerance for pain, thought that was CRAZY. We talked a lot about various interventions-- I let him educate me about why and when they'd be necessary, and he listened to my concerns with each. I tried not to attack the medicalized approach but just asked questions. We found we actually had pretty similar feelings about what may happen but were just looking at it from different angles. We did go to a class that incorporated Bradley methods but took a more flexible approach. It was marginally helpful to talk about what pain management techniques I wanted to try. We had already discussed most of what was taught.

So I'd say DH was supportive of me and my decisions/needs/wishes, though not necessarily supportive of any one "plan." Likewise, I had ideas about what I wanted but mostly felt prepared for whatever happened. It worked great for us. DS's birth was med free and really amazing, the most incredible experience of my life.

[Thirteen]

I feel very fortunate in that my doctor is another FM resident (with supervision under whoever is on-call as the OB/GYN attending that day, of course) and my good friend. She and I are "kinda crunchy" together, and I definitely have her support in trying for a drug-free birth. Additionally, one of DH's attendings who did a fellowship in OB has told us that if I go into labor on the weekend that she wants to come and "be our buddy."

My main worry is about some sort of "unspoken" time limit being imposed on me. As a primip, I know that this could take a while and I have concerns that even if I'm progressing and I/Bean are doing fine, it might not be "fast enough." Is this a real concern? DH says there is no such thing to his knowledge, but at the same time I know that there's got to be a cut-off where someone declares you FTP and wants to go in there and get it done.

(I have read The Birth Partner and have a copy -- DH has been meaning to read the material, but has yet to do so).

[scrub-jay]

I did not get the feeling of any time limit. We were seen by a group, so part way through, my direct midwife changed as their call shift changed. It was expected and I knew all 4 of the midwives well (from my prenatal visits). They were very good about communicating with me. My labor lasted 20+ hours, but they never rushed me or made me feel rushed.

[SuzySunshine]

First off I did not have a non-medicated birth with either of mine but I also didn't feel pressured to get the epi either. The class my hospital offered went into great detail on several "natural" options. I have a high tolerance for pain but I also knew I wanted drugs. DH was supportive either way. One thing you should discuss that I think most people forget is non-surgical options like forceps or the vacuum if necessary. It was not something we had discussed ahead of time but A got stuck and after several attempts to move her and me we were given the option of forceps or vacuum before a c-section. I was not educated on either but DH did not want the vacuum because of experience with babies with blood on the brain. I guess my point is that even though we were on the same page I deferred to him when it became a decision I was not comfortable to make.

The reason I think that The Birth Partner is such a good book is because it helps them understand why the experience is so important to us, and why some of us want to give a drug free birth a shot. And it is not overly crunchy. That book gets a lot of credit for my DH being a great support to me the second time around. I marked off sections that I wanted him to read because I knew he wouldn't read the whole thing (hint, hint). I also basically told him what I wanted him to say if I started to waver and think about getting an epidural. The other way I got through to him was by explaining that this is what my doctor and I had talked about and she was supportive. You should be able to milk that angle with your DH, seeing how he knows and respects your doctor.

By the way I also have Birthing From Within which you can have if you want, I thought it might be a bit hippy dippy for you so didn't offer before

As far as time limits......in my n=2 experience, it's caregiver and hospital dependent. It sounds like your doctor is not the type to impose limits just because, and only if medically necessary. I know that I was threatened with C section in my first birth when it was getting close to 24 hours after my water broke and I was strep B positive, but then I should never have let him break my water in the first place!

ETA I had an epidural with DS and no pain meds with DD

I've had the epi birth, the med-free birth, and an emergency c-section. HANDS DOWN would do an unmedicated VBAC if we have a fourth. Yes, a med- free birth is intense, but the birth high and the short recovery made it worth it.

My husband is an FP. He was actually on board for a home birth last time around, but I decided I felt more comfortable with another unmedicated hospital birth. In any case, I woke up in the middle of the night to find myself hemorrhaging and shortly thereafter had an emergency section for a placental abruption.

The book 'Pushed' by Jennifer Block was eye opening for both of us.

Meh, like I know: I'm the boy. But - DW had a home-birth with #1 and an unmedicated hospital birth with #2/#3 (dz twins). And I was apparently key labor support in both instances, so perhaps I do know something.

I would say that the mother's preferences are important, and the father should try to support her to the best of his ability. Bottom line: birth is some sort of weird nexus between mental and physical processes and the wise husband tries to minimize friction w/ the wife's preferences around the time of birth.