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Gender Identity in a Ten-Year-Old

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  • Gender Identity in a Ten-Year-Old

    The article below describes an Australian court's decision that allows a 10-year-old boy to begin sex change therapy (the title of the article is misleading--the court did not authorize surgery on the 10-year-old; it allowed the boy to being drug therapy to stop the outset of puberty).

    Although I guess the obviously "Debates" topic might be "How do you feel about the court's decision"? However, I pose a different question: how would you handle this as a parent? I cannot imagine the confusion and pain of someone so young not feeling "right" about something as fundamental as their gender matching their sex. I mean, that just seems like one of those fundamental, understood parts of one's identity. I am not sure how a child could even convey those feelings other than through socially non-normative behavior. I can't imagine what kind of stress this causes on the family and pain for everyone trying to deal with it. However, on the other hand, I am not sure that a ten-year-old's feelings should be the determining factor for altering healthy biological development.

    Anyone?

    __________________________________________________ _____________

    Children's Health
    Court Allows Sex-Change Surgery for 10-Year-Old Boy
    Published April 18, 2011
    | News Corp Australian Papers
    A court has allowed a 10-year-old boy to become the youngest Australian to have sex-change therapy, the Herald Sun reported.
    The boy, known as Jamie, has lived as a girl for two years, dressing in feminine clothes, using the girls' toilet at school and "presenting as a very attractive young girl with long, blonde hair," the court heard.
    Jamie's parents, medical experts and psychiatrists feared early-onset puberty could lead to self-harm or suicide and supported an urgent application for the child to receive sex-change therapy.
    Family Court Justice Linda Dessau ordered that Jamie be allowed to start drug therapy to stop male puberty and that the court reconvene when she turned 16 to consider approving the second stage of taking female hormones to feminize the body.
    The court heard that Jamie saw herself as a "freak" and a "girl in a boy's body," and had first identified as a girl when she was a toddler.
    Her mother said although doctors had told her Jamie would be the youngest patient to start such treatment, she was confident it was in her best interests.
    The mother said the family had started treating Jamie as a female in 2008 after her non-identical twin brother accepted her condition and announced: "I have a sister."
    The mother was concerned that without treatment, Jamie's voice would break and an Adam's apple and facial hair would grow.
    "At the moment Jamie can live comfortably as a girl, is socially confident and suffers no teasing or social isolation."
    A medical expert said when he first saw Jamie in February 2009, she "looked convincingly female in every way" except her genitalia.

  • #2
    Hmm...that's interesting and a rough situation. I kind of want to know what this means, though, and whether or not it was something the toddler completely came up with or if there were external factors:

    had first identified as a girl when she was a toddler.
    Married to a newly minted Pediatric Rad, momma to a sweet girl and a bunch of (mostly) cute boy monsters.



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    • #3
      The OWN network has a show by Lisa Ling that discussed this exact issue. A set of parents let their 7/8 boy live life like a little girl because that's how he sees himself. As hard as it would be to know that my child would have a difficult time in school and the world, i would totally allow for dressing and living like the opposite sex. Not sure about hormone injections under the age of 18 ish. Tough topic!
      Danielle
      Wife of a sexy Radiologist and mom to TWO adorable little boys!

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      • #4
        My friends who are trans (or trannys) [the T part of the GLTBQ description] said that much like the rest of us who gender identified, (Hmmm, I'm a girl, I have girl parts, I like being a girl, it's a-ok so far) they knew that they were ___ from their very most first memories and their entire childhood was spent pretending to be the opposite sex because that's how other people identified them. I don't know their parental situations. Some are "Gay" in that they prefer the same sex (except now they're 'straight') that they were born into and other are "straight" because they prefer the opposite sex that they were born into (which would be "gay" now) Some Identify as cross dressers which are NOT the same as trannys.

        As a parent, I would embrace however and whoever my child chooses to become. I don't care about the gender of the person he becomes or the gender of the person with whom he chooses to parent. What I prefer is that they both be stable, productive members of society and that IF they decide to parent that they do so as a couple. If he should enter a same sex relationship, I hope the laws where he lives allows him him to love who he wants to love and parent however he chooses.

        That said, I don't have anything to indicate that my child is not comfortable in his gender. I would imagine that it would be a soul-wrenching experience as a parent if you're imagining your daughter marrying and having babies and as it turns out she's always thought of himself as he.

        Bottom line, is that trans-gendered people have a ridiculously high suicide rate and I want my baby to live. If that means he's a she wearing silver lame or he's a he living w/ his male partner or he's in contention for the next Happy Days role. I want him to know that he is loved and valued and that HIS life makes mine happy. That's what my son needs to know. Nothing else.

        J

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        • #5
          Agree 100% with Jenn.

          I think the parents are doing a good thing.


          Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
          Heidi, PA-S1 - wife to an orthopaedic surgeon, mom to Ryan, 17, and Alexia, 11.


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          • #6
            I agree with Jenn and as I read this last night I was wracking my brain trying to remember where I just read a great article on this same topic...It may have been in a recent issue of Time I'll have to see if I can find it but it talked a lot about lots of different scenarios, some medical, some not and the outcomes, etc.
            Wife to NSG out of training, mom to 2, 10 & 8, and a beagle with wings.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by DCJenn View Post
              Bottom line, is that trans-gendered people have a ridiculously high suicide rate and I want my baby to live. If that means he's a she wearing silver lame or he's a he living w/ his male partner or he's in contention for the next Happy Days role. I want him to know that he is loved and valued and that HIS life makes mine happy. That's what my son needs to know. Nothing else.

              J
              This. Although I do agree with Danielle on the hormone injections -- at least before puberty.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Tenacious_D View Post
                As hard as it would be to know that my child would have a difficult time in school and the world, i would totally allow for dressing and living like the opposite sex. Not sure about hormone injections under the age of 18 ish. Tough topic!
                That's pretty much where I'm at with it. I hope none of my kids is trans, but if they are, they have my support. It would be a tough life, but spending your life repressing who you are would be much, much tougher and would benefit no one.

                Making medical decisions that have any kind of long-term effects would give me pause, though--and it should! Not just for trans issues, but for any medical issue your kids have. I'm all for young people keeping all their options open for as long as possible.

                Sounds like in this case they're only delaying puberty for now, and not looking at taking any steps toward femaleness until age 16. From what we know of this case, that sounds like the right decision to me. It also sounds like a lot of thought and consultation went into it, with medical experts, psychiatrists, family court, etc. That reassures me a bit, too.
                Married to a hematopathologist seven years out of training.
                Raising three girls, 11, 9, and 2.

                “That was the thing about the world: it wasn't that things were harder than you thought they were going to be, it was that they were hard in ways that you didn't expect.”
                Lev Grossman, The Magician King

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                • #9
                  My kid is my kid. End of discussion for me. They have my love, support, and assistance in all the tough squishy stuff that I can help with. I don't care if they are straight, gay, bi, trans -- it doesn't change the fact that I'm their mother and would lay down my own life to protect them from hurt or harm.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by diggitydot View Post
                    My kid is my kid. End of discussion for me. They have my love, support, and assistance in all the tough squishy stuff that I can help with. I don't care if they are straight, gay, bi, trans -- it doesn't change the fact that I'm their mother and would lay down my own life to protect them from hurt or harm.
                    Once again, you said exactly what I would say. This is my belief as well.
                    Married to a peds surgeon attending

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                    • #11
                      I too agree with Jenn 100%. Having family and friends who are part of the LGBT community I have witnessed the struggles these people go through. I really hope one day our laws will provide equal rights for ALL. I don't blame the parents for what they're doing. I would probably do the same.
                      Charlene~Married to an attending Ophtho Mudphud and Mom to 2 daughters

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                      • #12
                        Wow. I'm so surprised by the responses. I feel Lady Gaga being channeled here. I appreciate everyone wanting to appear so liberal and understanding, but maybe that is because you don't imagine it will ever happen to you? Look at your babies. At age 10 and younger you would support this big of a choice?

                        If one of my children is gay, transgendered or anything else, they have my support. We have actually had this discussion with our kids more than once. I can't see allowing a toddler/elementary aged child to make these choices though. I'm drawing from personal experience with one of my children, btw.


                        Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                        ~Mom of 5, married to an ID doc
                        ~A Rolling Stone Gathers No Moss

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                        • #13
                          I also think these parents are doing the right thing. As Jenn and others pointed out, these are issues that many in the LGBT community have struggled with their entire life. It's not really something that magically pops up in adulthood. I think that, except for the hormonal stuff, these parents are absolutely doing the right thing. I do think the hormones are something that should be held back on for a few more years.
                          I'm just trying to make it out alive!

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                          • #14
                            I don't think it has anything to do with "everyone wanting to appear so liberal and understanding". I think the question posed an interesting one and I would imagine the other responders were answering just as honestly about their feelings in the subject as my answer.

                            Pretending that kids don't know from a very early age that they're "different" ignores reality. I've known I was different from those around me since I was far younger than 10 and my differences have nothing to do with something as fundamental as gender identity. I would be surprised if kids didn't notice it at a fairly young age.

                            I certainly wouldn't want my child (at any age) to be forced to face the tough road experienced by many gay/bi/trans peeps, but I would still support them if that were the case. My kid is my kid and I am fundamentally a protective mom who wants them happy in their own skin.

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                            • #15
                              I agree with Kris. Certainly my child is my child and loved no matter what but to start hormonal therapy at such a young age could also have severe side-effects. The loving and accepting part is easy, the figuring out how to handle it medically and emotionally is where it gets complicated.
                              Tara
                              Married 20 years to MD/PhD in year 3 of MFM fellowship. SAHM to five wonderful children (#6 due in August), a sweet GSD named Bella, a black lab named Toby, and 1 guinea pig.

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