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I was talking to some friends last night and the boyfriend/girlfriend in school thing came up. One of the mothers was saying how her Kindergartener has a girlfriend and they have actually broken up and gotten back together a few times. Another friend said that her 11-year-old stepdaughter has a boyfriend. And not just a school boyfriend, but they actually go places together. She was not happy about that, but she lives five hundred miles away. I was told I could not go on my first date until I was 16. I talked my mom into it when I was 15, almost 16. But we all went to his house and she met his parents and him before she would let us go to the movies. DH's cousin, who is 13, talks about his "wifey" on FB. What are your thoughts on kids having significant others at such an early age?
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La la la! I can't hear you! La la la!
I will be homeschooling through 8th grade each if my girls. That means I can hide them from boys until 9th grade. Right? Right? Well, I had my first boyfriend in 7th grade. We went to a dance together. But my brother is 14 months older and my boyfriend spent the evening keeping at least 12 inches between us since my brother and his friends had threatened the poor guy.
I don't know what will happen when she goes to youth group in the fall. I'll have to figure it out as we go along.Veronica
Mother of two ballerinas and one wild boy -
Maybe this isn't even a debate and I should have posted in Parenting. I was just curious to know if it's the norm for young children to have a boyfriend/girlfriend. I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 15 I think. And there was definitely nothing much going on.Comment
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I think it is more evidence that we have hypersexualized children. While they may say boyfriend/girlfriend, my guess is that they actually mean friend, but that society has given so much importance to having a bf/gf and they have internalized it.
As for an 11 year old going places with a boyfriend, there is something unsettling about that. Since there is so much distance involved, it makes it very hard to regulate the child's actions, but can the mom talk to the caregiver and have a dialog about what is happening?KrisComment
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That's what I was thinking...Originally posted by HouseofWool View Post
But then, I freak out when I see push-up training bras and thongs for 13 year-olds.
I may need to change my response in the recent Heidi's "Religion" thread and poll...I may be reconciling to the Roman Catholic Church and sending my girls to a convent!!!Comment
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I have found that when young children are described as having "boyfriends" or "girlfriends", it is more about their parents needing to define it that way than it is about the kids themselves. In my experience parenting and teaching, the opposite sex is "yucky" until that first surge of hormones, around 7th or 8th grade, same as it has been for generations. But no kidding (and DH has noticed this too, in his practice) there are quite a few parents who are really invested in their kids pairing up WAY before it is appropriate.Wife of an OB/Gyn, mom to three boys, middle school choir teacher.
"I don't know when Dad will be home."Comment
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Yes, this!!!!! WTH is it with parents that need to have their children partnered with someone? We don't have a specific age for our children to start dating but I have told them that we are not driving them on "dates". The basic rule is that when we feel you are responsible enough to date then you can date. They have known this from the time they are little. Responsibility in this area means being open and honest with dh and I, being respectful of us, our family, and themselves, among other things.Originally posted by mommax3 View PostTara
Married 20 years to MD/PhD in year 3 of MFM fellowship. SAHM to five wonderful children (#6 due in August), a sweet GSD named Bella, a black lab named Toby, and 1 guinea pig.
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I had a "boyfriend" when I was 12, but we never went anywhere together. Large groups of us would go to the movies, but nothing ever happened. Although I did have my first kiss at 12, and I shudder to think of DD being that age. My sister and I were both not allowed to go on actual dates until we were 16, but I found ways around that. Which is why I'm not letting my kids go anywhere unchaperoned.
~Heather~
Wife to pre-med student; mommy to a four & three year old.Comment
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There is a group of 5 and 6th graders who are dating and meet at the local restaurant in town on Fridays. Its funny because if this was presented to me as kids going to "hang out" I might cdonsent to my 5th grader going for an hour after school. Because I know what it signifies to these kids, no freaking way.
Honestly, if you start dating in 5th grade, where are you going from there?In my dreams I run with the Kenyans.Comment
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My thoughts exactly. And what about sexting? Kids have cell phones at such a young age, I shudder to think of how many young girls may get sucked into sending their boyfriend pictures.Originally posted by houseelf View PostComment
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Well, my dd has had "boyfriends" nonstop since she was in middle school. Most of them last a couple of weeks, some longer. Her current bf and she have been together for 6 months. They have broken up a few times, gotten bored of each other, etc. They don't go on dates but sometimes they meet up at the movies with a large group. They sometimes are alone but never inside a house for instance. He has walked her to swim practice after school, etc.
I dong like bf/gf terminology but again, with teens this is more about your relationship with your kid. She hasn't done anything to make me doubt her judgement in these relationships. She has been pressured to "give it up" with her current bf (pressured by his friends) but she told him straight up when they started dating that she wasnt going to "give it up".
Its hard to parent teens. This bf/gf thing, plus sexting, plus rampant oral sex... Just talk talk talk. Hard and fast "no dating until..." may not work bc they don't go on traditional "dates" and so many kids have no adult supervision bc the patents are working late, etc. If they want to "give it up" they will find a way...Peggy
Aloha from paradise! And the other side of training!Comment
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I had a bf dump me when I told him I wouldn't do more than kissing until I was married. Stupid punk just out right asks me how far I'd go. What a loser. And I agree that when there's a will there will always be a way. My kids are still young, but I hope when they're older I can be open and honest with them and that they will be the same.Originally posted by peggyfromwastate View Post~Heather~
Wife to pre-med student; mommy to a four & three year old.Comment
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I guess I need to quit joking about my 1-year-old being "betrothed" to our best friends' daughter.
I was allowed to go on group dates at 15 and solo dates at 16. If it were just up to me, that's the rule I'd like for my kids. DH, however, doesn't think it's a great rule, but we've got a little while before that needs to be worked out. Hoping to have some kind of rule in place by the time DS gets to kindergarten, since kids I went to school with started "dating" then. (Basically it just meant they played together at recess.)Laurie
My team: DH (anesthesiologist), DS (9), DD (8)Comment
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My parents had the "no dating until 16" rule. However I had already had sex and gotten smashed at many keggers before I turned 16 and went on my first exclusive "date." I'm thinking that rule doesn't really work so well... It's the sleepovers-at-friends-house's-with-parents-that-let-them-go-out loophole. Fine print.-LadybugComment
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Or the camping with friends loophole.Peggy
Aloha from paradise! And the other side of training!Comment
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