Keeping your child an "IT"

[Deebs]

See, I always thought Princesses and Cars were gender neutral (not really, but having a girl-boy-girl makes them very accepting of just about anything, as long as parents don't have the attitude of "that's for girls, that's for boys...").

[v-girl]

My boy refuses girly dishes. We don't know where he picked that up -- most kid-dishes at my mom's are girly (4 granddaughters, bookend grandsons).

[MarissaNicole]

Kelly, I think that is interesting because when we had A we made a point of only buying primary color toys because we didn't want to have to buy two of everything if the next one was a boy. However I do notice myself buying more pink things now that A is very much into pink, like the other day I bought her a new pair of Crocs and she wanted pink - fine, but afterwards I thought I should have bought her a red pair or something that R could also wear eventually.

I totally get this. In fact my sister did not tell people the gender of her son until he was born because she did not want to get all blue stuff. My nephew also has a pink car seat (because it was on sale and my sister doesn't want him to think that pink is only for girls). I also get wanting to let your child embrace whatever colors or interests they may have regardless of gender, but I cannot help but feel that by HIDING the gender of the baby, they are only going to make the child feel like he/she has to cling to a particular gender. Not to mention that gender has now BECOME more of an issue because of their choice not to disclose it.

You don't get to choose how you are built (gender, ethnicity, build, sexual orientation etc.) so to try and imply that a CHILD should and CAN choose such things seems unfair and cruel. I am all about encouraging your child to embrace who they are on the INSIDE, but I also think that that means accepting what you are on the outside.

Too me little children don't necessarily always identify pink with girls and blue with boys but they do identify with body parts - that is all their little minds can comprehend. How could a little toddler possibly understand that they can "pick their gender."

On the Today Show I caught part of clip about this family. Apparently, they are expecting the two siblings (under 5 I believe) to keep the child's identity a secret. They noted how that was a lot to expect out of a child, especially on an issue that now has so much media coverage. I think the whole thing is a huge goof. Kids need to know it's ok be be a boy or girl, and if they are the kind of parent not to force something on their child because of gender, then they are the kind of parents who will nurture their child to be 100% themselves. This, however, hovers over the line of identiy confusion, IMO. Let the kid be a kid.

I made my son a baby quilt with pink and purple, to be gender neutral. On his first birthday he got a firetruck as a gift, and ever since he was all boy. Had nothing to do with me, he just gravitated to "boy" stuff. Had it been a doll, I couldn't have cared less. Shrug. I don't get the reason behind needing to hide the gender. *insert shaking of the head*

[SuzySunshine]

As far as gravitating to a gender - R is ALL boy and he's only 18 months old. He is much more spatial then A ever was, or is. He LOVES blocks and running trucks into each other, both things we had when A was his age but she wasn't that interested in, nor is she now.

I know there are kids out there that aren't as obvious one way or the other but I agree that putting these two young brothers up to this as well is just ridiculous.

[Cinderella]

I love the idea of using white for gender neutrality and being able to reuse material for the next child. I don't have children myself but I did notice I have a lot of white in my house. I guess I really like the color.

As far as the issue of the family choosing to keep the child's gender neutral I've read some other material online with interviews from the family. From that I can understand the parents point of view. They reference the books they've researched and what inspired them. The reason this seems to be controversial however is that it is bucking the status quo. It's obviously experimental to our society and so we may all learn some uncomfortable lessons from this but none more than the individuals involved.

I don't always agree with everyones way of raising their family but I respect to each their own. That's part of living in the melting pot. We all come from diverse backgrounds and are allowed to practice our own religions, traditions from our culturals, and ways of doing things even if we don't see eye to eye on the matter. We still have to respect each others personal freedom enough to live side by side even if we live differently from the other. Some people think a melting pot means we have to melt and become the same hot mess but that's not the way it is. You add different ingredients, each as their own part, to make the pot more enriching. A little taste of this and a little taste of that makes it flavorful.

[alison]

We didn't learn that dd was a girl until she was born, and that nearly killed me! By the time my due date rolled around, I just wanted to know everything about this little person. A friend of mine said that she thought it was great that we weren't finding out our baby's gender because "why fuss about something like gender, when s/he gets to fight that battle everyday
for the rest of its life?!" I think she was just trying to calm my nerves, but I do think we're far too fixated on
gender.