2nd wedding gifts

[bokelley]

I am going to a wedding in October. It is both 2nd wedding, thy both have kids and already live together. Do you get a wedding gift. They r not registered anywhere.

Sorry about the typing trying to type on my phone

[Meenah]

When DH and I married (second for both of us, two kids each) we had a small ceremony with just family and close friends (less than 20). We had a party that evening, at our house that we had just bought and moved into. We didn't tell people it was a "wedding", but most people knew. Our favorite gift was a donation to the local soup kitchen in our honor. Second to that was a Home Repair book from Home Depot, and a gift card, because we had just purchased an old, fixer upper. Hope this helps.

[ladymoreta]

It's probably optional, but I'd bring a small gift just to help celebrate. They won't need the necessities, but then lots of couples already live together (and even those who live alone still usually have the basics covered). Tupperware is always great - fun products they probably don't already have that come with a lifetime guarantee. A cookbook or a board game for the family might also be fun. I like the idea of a donation to a charity they care about, too.

[houseelf]

I don't know, it is a wedding so I'd err on the side of a personal gift. This is deeply ironic because I get downright CRANKY about society's escalation of gift giving. (See, e.g., my rant about goody bags for kids' parties). I mean, if one takes a bottle of wine or even a six pack when invited to dinner, a wedding deserves a little something special.

[Meenah]

I agree Kelly, just because it is a second wedding, it is still a celebration with these two!!!!

[MDPhDWife]

My sister just got remarried in July although it was her fiance's first marriage. I don't think it matters if one or both have been married before or living together. A gift is just a token of celebrating their commitment and new life together. So what if they've got an established household? Get something for them non traditional like others have suggested. How about a nice picture frame?

[corn poffi]

I agree with those who said you should still get them something...I like the charity donation, but gift cards are always great.

The only thing I would not do is a picture frame. I used to work in the housewares section of a department store, and the most returned wedding gift (by far) was a frame. The most I've seen one couple return at one time was 14, but we figured out that on average, 3 frames get returned for every wedding. Sorry, I have picture frame PTSD.

[PrincessFiona]

I'm with Kelly. A gift to a charity of your choice seems to negate their celebration. It feels impersonal and tacky (sorry). I'd go with a gift card or gift.

ETA: A donation to a charity is sort of you giving a gift to yourself and maybe even saying that you don't feel that the event is gift-worthy. When people donate money to charitable organizations, they often choose a topic near and dear to their heart. When you choose a charity for them, and make a donation in their honor instead of giving a gift, you aren't really honoring them ... you are honoring what you believe in. That might not be what they believe in or is something that they feel strongly about.

When you attend a function where the social expectation is a gift, then I think you bring a gift ... for the wedding party to celebrate their wedding. Yes, it's a second wedding, but that's ok. I imagine that they might still have needs, and if not, something homemade from you would be a nice gesture too. Would you give your sister, brother, mother an envelope saying "I donated in your name" for their bday, christmas, etc? Maybe .. if it was something that you had both discussed and you knew that they wanted it and it would make them happy. If not? Well, imagine how the bride and groom would feel opening up a gift from you to discover that it really isn't a gift ... it's just a certificate of donation to a charity that really has little meaning/value to them. Sure, you value it ... so donate to the charity in their honor AND bring a gift.

[ladymoreta]

I agree about the frames! I got several that didn't go with anything (although they were pretty), and I eventually just sold them in a garage sale.

[poky]

ETA: A donation to a charity is sort of you giving a gift to yourself and maybe even saying that you don't feel that the event is gift-worthy. When people donate money to charitable organizations, they often choose a topic near and dear to their heart. When you choose a charity for them, and make a donation in their honor instead of giving a gift, you aren't really honoring them ... you are honoring what you believe in. That might not be what they believe in or is something that they feel strongly about.

The idea of donating to charity as a gift is "I know you well enough to know that you feel strongly about this particular cause/charity" - it's not an aquaintance gift, but it's not cheap or tacky if you DO know they DO care about that particular charity.

[diggitydot]

The idea of donating to charity as a gift is "I know you well enough to know that you feel strongly about this particular cause/charity" - it's not an aquaintance gift, but it's not cheap or tacky if you DO know they DO care about that particular charity.

I agree. When it's someone you know well, donations can be great gifts. Particularly if it's to a cause near and dear to their hearts. Some friends who married this summer didn't need anything. She already had a house and they both have very good jobs (she's a doc, he's a college professor). Instead of buying them crap they didn't need, they requested donations to a women's and children's DV/homeless shelter when registry inquiries were made.

If it's someone you're not close with and just make a donation in their name to your own favorite charity, I 100% agree with Kris' take on it.

[MrsK]

I agree with the others. We have actually requested donations to specific charities for our wedding and in honor of our sons' births. Personally, I'd prefer that to getting more clutter. And I'm not a picture frame person. Personally, I'd prefer a nice cookbook and new dishtowels or an art/coffee table book. Another option if you don't want to contribute to clutter would be a gift certificate for a night out, theatre tickets, movie passes, a museum membership. Since they have kids, something for the family would be nice - depending on the kids' ages, a zoo pass or games may work.

[bokelley]

I thought about a Costco membership. They don't have one because they always have me pick up stuff?? Thoughts?

[corn poffi]

My sister donated to a charity in my name for my birthday a couple years. It was a charity I used to do work with in high school, and I thought it was an awesome gift. If she would have made a random donation to something I didn't care about, I'd find it a little less awesome, but still meaningful.

I think a costco membership is a great idea! Even in the weird case that they would get another one as a gift, costco will let you combine them or use them together or something. A friend of mine got two for a baby shower, and they were really great about her getting to use both cards.

[Deebs]

You absolutely do a gift! If you don't want to do a gift card, we received some gifts that were really touching to us...
our wedding invitation framed
a giftcard followed by a bouquet replicating the flowers I had at the wedding that arrived two weeks after we were married
a giftcard to the place they had their first date (we didn't receive this - our first date was to a burrito joint on a college campus)
a stone that says "The _____ Family, est 2011"
anything monogramed or personalized, assuming they will have the same last name