Santa?

[TigerLily]

Santa...does he exist in your house? What do you tell your kids about him if he does? Does he detract from the real meaning of Christmas? Or is he the real meaning of Christmas?

[Michele]

Christmas is about joy, giving and love in my house. And as the kids get older I'm going to try to incorporate more concrete ideas about charity. This year we went to a "party" and gave money to a kid who needs a liver transplant and we donated to Toys for Tots.

Santa brings presents to good kids that believe in him. I told D that some people don't believe in Santa and that's ok, but then Santa doesn't bring them anything. I don't do the "Santa's watching" threats and we don't do Elf on a Shelf either. I'm going to try to keep Santa's gifts to one or two joint gifts. This year Santa is bringing them all a Cars 2 GeoTrax set.

[MDPhDWife]

Funny you bring this up, I'm actually standing in line at the mall with the kids so they can get their annual Santa photo as I type this. Being that my kids are 7 & 10 I'm seriously contemplating if this is our last year. Part of me hopes so because the photos are always overpriced and this line blows, but the other part of me is sad to see the end of an era for my girls.

[TigerLily]

This is our first Christmas that I think A kind understands what is happening. She knows that Christmas is for celelbrating Jesus' birthday, but also knows that Santa brings us gifts. (we may have gone a little bit overboard on gifts...oops)
I just want her to believe in magical things like Santa for as long as possible. I have such amazing memories of Christmas when I was a kid, even though we didn't get a WHOLE lot, it was so magical.
Today DH told me about one of his friends who is telling her 2 year old that Santa does not exist. Not just ignoring Santa, or anything, but told him HE DOES NOT EXIST. which is fine, her family and everything, I just wonder if it will make for a little bit of a less magical Christmas. I don't know though...

Santa comes and brings the boys gifts Christmas eve night. Santa (and the elf on the shelf) watches them throughout the year (and especially during Christmas) to see if they're naughty or nice. We make Santa cookies Christmas eve and he eats them. DH makes up stories about how he heard Santa on the roof when he was a little kid. The kids all think Santa exists, for now. Later they will find out we're liars and might need therapy. Oh well. While Santa is a part of Christmas, Santa is not the reason for Christmas. Jesus is the reason for Christmas and the kids all know that. But, in our house, we also do Hanukkah for DH's family.

[SoonerTexan]

I'm conflicted about what we will do for N. I can't really remember believing in Santa or the Easter Bunny...my mom was awful at hiding the gifts! I don't feel like I lost out on anything though...by my youngest sister Santa just sort of faded away.

We did always do St. Nicholas Day ad the shoes though. I remember believing in that for awhile

[SuzySunshine]

We do Santa and Elf on the Shelf though he is definitely not helping with the behavior this year! I can remember believing in Santa until I was least 7 or 8 but we also have a nativity set and the kids know that Jesus is the reason for the season. We visited Santa at the mall and they also know that all of the Santas they see are only helpers for the real one in the North Pole.

[MDPhDWife]

I go through great lengths to keep the Santa magic alive, even buying separate wrapping paper that only Santa uses, changing my handwriting on the tags, etc. Maybe I'm just an old battle ax of a parent, because I'm questioning all the effort this year. I can't remember as a kid when I finally stopped believing, but it seems like it was a natural transition. I'm wondering how we should navigate that.

I have a small suspicion my 10 year old is onto us at least with the tooth fairy because last time she lost a tooth she told me, "Don't forget about the Tooth Fairy tonight Mom".

[ladymoreta]

We're doing Santa with our kids. I'm not sure if/when we'll stop. My parents never actually told me - it was my cousins - so my sister and I just kept pretending we believed, then it was just a game for all of us to play. My parents still do stockings for us every year, and DH's parents sometimes do them.

[Vanquisher]

I never have done Santa, and am really against it. I don't find it to be magical.

DH has taken care of a few "Santa's" in the hospital. Both were total pervs. I recall him telling me a story about one of them asking a red-headed nurse about her "pussy" and if her pubic hair was red too.

I feel like most of the time kids sitting on Santa's lap are forced. They cry. I mean this is a scary stranger, and we think it's fun and a good message to force them to sit on his lap?

I also find the deceit to be incredibly distasteful. The lies compound and get more elaborate. I want my kids to trust me, and I feel like the Santa myth is not a compelling reason to lie to kids. It's creepy to think of having someone or somethings (elves) watching you all the time to see if you are naughty or nice. I don't feel like this is a good morality lesson. You should be "good" because it's the right thing to do, not because your worried Santa won't come and bring you an iPod.

I want my kids to realize we give gifts out of love and a generous spirit to those we care about, not because we believe in a fake fat man. Furthermore, it's just shitty when you can see the inequality. "wow, Mom, I was really good, but I didn't get a DS like I asked for, but Jimmy got one, and he is always in trouble and is mean."

I find nothing magical or fun about Santa. My kids don't believe and never have. They still love Christmas (our secular version) with family, love, cookies, decorations, and fun. It's still magical to see your stocking on Christmas morning knowing that someone who loves you and truly cares about you picked out your favorite candy and puts an orange in the toe every year, because it's tradition.

Nope, no lies about mythical creepy and pervy dudes at our house, but I'm not opinionated about it or anything.

[GrayMatterWife]

Every year on Dec 5 ( St Nicholas Eve), we read the story of St Nicholas and then on Dec 6 we celebrate St Nicholas Day. I have always presented the story od Santa as a fun, modern tale that was inspired by the true story of St Nicholas. We do our stockings on Christmas Day (even though the practice originated from the St Nicholas story), because that is the American custom. I have told DS that, in some homes, Santa is told to the kids as a true person, rather than a tale, and that he should not argue about this. I told him that he must respect that custom and not rain on other kids' parades.

We do not use the St Nicholas/Santa/stockings/gifts stuff as leverage for behavior.

We don't do Elf on the Shelf. Is never heard of it until two years ago, and DS and I both thought the elf was kind of creepy looking. To each their own

I do not do Elf on the Shelf

[Momo]

I don't lie to my kids about anything... but then again we don't celebrate any type of holiday that perpetuates lies/myths.

Not even a tooth fairy @ our house.

[Deebs]

We LOVE Santa in our house. I think it's really hard for kids to understand Jesus/God as they are very abstract concepts (remember, my kids are little). Santa is something similarly abstract, but a little more concrete. We talk about the fact that he knows what you are doing, if you're naughty/nice, just like God does - he is everywhere. We also do three gifts from Santa - symbolic of the gifts of the Magi. So basically, I guess we try to make Santa educational? We don't take them to stranger Santas to sit on laps. I also think a lot of mall Santas are a little creepy. We have a Santa that we know who comes to a friend's house in Columbus every year for a fun party. We also try to explain to our kids that Jesus loves us so much that he lets US get gifts on His birthday. For the first time, my six year old decided, on her own, to buy her class a gift for her birthday. It made me feel like something is sinking in and coming together! I don't really think of it as lying to my kids - just spreading a little Christmas magic. I don't know...also I just kind of love Christmas.

[Auspicious]

We do Santa, but I am a bit ambivalent about it. It's always with a kind of a wink-and-a-smile attitude, and not treated as a serious or factual subject. The framework in our minds is that Santa is a fictional character that everyone, even most adults, even people like newscasters and NORAD, have a lot of fun pretending is real, especially to kids. Cora's still on the kid side of that, but it'll still be fun when she's on the pretending side with the rest of us. Most questions about Santa logistics are usually answered with "Well they say that . . .". When we get to any direct questions about "Is Santa real?" or "Are you Santa?" I think the jig will be up. I think I'm kind of okay with lies of omission on this topic but try to avoid any direct lies. (Although we do put out cookies and then eat them ourselves--that's kind of direct. Like I said, I'm ambivalent.)

I wish I could remember where I read it, but I remember reading that something like 94% of adults who believed in Santa as a kid were fine with finding out the truth, and 6% felt betrayed. (Or maybe it was 96 and 4?) It's led me to do some thinking about what may have happened to that 6% to make them feel that way.

Santa isn't tied to behavior in our house. He gives gifts because he is generous, and because Santa has more Christmas spirit than anybody. We go to the mall to wish him a merry Christmas (though I assume he'll ask what they'd like for Christmas while they're chatting). He is an example.

I think I am going to do Elf on the Shelf next year, but not as a magic/supernatural thing, just as a game of where-is-the-toy-elf-hiding-today. My grandparents did a similar thing year-round with a stuffed dog at their house when we were kids and we had a lot of fun with it.

Also, maybe this is a good place for me to complain: I feel like some of the modern stuff (I'm thinking of the Polar Express movie and the Yes, Virginia tv special) is really veering toward actually chastising kids for "not believing" and making believing in Santa a virtue. I'm not comfortable with that--I think it's pushing it toward discouraging critical thinking! I still like those movies overall and let my kids watch them, but with a few comments from me about how it's really okay for that little kid to believe what they want.

We also do the tooth fairy in the same wink-wink way, but the Easter bunny weirds me out, so go figure.

[spotty_dog]

In our (mostly-atheist) house, Christmastime is a time to celebrate the people we love by sharing gifts that will make them happy. Santa is the spirit of giving. Dudes that we might see around town in red suits with beards are men *dressed* as Santa. We weren't going to go out of our way to sit on Santa's lap, but last year and this the preschool brought in a guy that I'm 99% sure is the grandpa of one of our preschoolers. (It was a good costume so I'm not positive!) DD was fascinated by him, but terrified to get close, and that was A-OK.

When DS asks me about "How do the reindeer find their way, how will Santa get in without a chimney," I either ask him what HE thinks, or tell him what the STORY says. In fact I've tried hard never to lie about this. For now, he's small enough that the line between imagination and truth, between stories and fact, is pretty blurry and he can be enthralled in the magic of it all.

I've mentioned that for many families, Christmas also involves a very special story about the birth of a baby king, and the people who traveled to bring him gifts, and the star that lit their way. We'll probably elaborate on that part for a future season, but for now it's too complicated to explain since it's not central to our current tradition, but rather part of their cultural heritage.

I've also explained that not everyone celebrates Christmas. Some families have other winter holidays that make this season special, so there are lots of reasons why people might put up lights on their houses and yards whether they celebrate Christmas or not, and also lots of reasons why people might choose *not* to put up lights and decorations.

Gifts, whether from Santa or from family, have nothing whatsoever to do with behavior. We have good kids who try hard to act as expected and occasionally slip up, not superficially good ones who could be tainted with badness just because they couldn't control themselves from hitting sister. I think the Elf on the Shelf is a cute story and I know a family who's having crazy amounts of fun with their mischievous elf, but it will just never be for us.

DS has been dancing around the house pretty much all of December, giving us and his sister huge hugs and kisses and exclaiming, "I love you SO MUCH!" and occasionally, "I am going to give my WHOLE FAMILY a present for Christmas!!" His focus is not on the getting. He has intuited that the one present so far under the tree for him is a Lego and he pretty much thinks that's all he is going to get. He's asked Santa for a chess set, consistently for the past several weeks, though he did ask briefly if Santa's workshop was capable of making a pirate costume. I do think he might devolve into the gimmes once he gets spoiled by the actual gift load, but we'll see. We'll refocus him with the thank-you cards.