80% divorce rate

[SuzySunshine]

DH had a med school classmate that was married to a secret service agent, who at the time was serving on Gore's election team. Anyway, she was going to med school and raising their child basically on her own, I've always wondered what happened to them because they were both just the nicest people but he was NEVER home.

[v-girl]

Interesting conversation. We got engaged after dating about 8 months. Married after a 10.5 month engagement (planned that Catholic wedding fast!). Had a kid two weeks before our first anniversary, another 18 months later. He had already finished his undergrad degree before we met. I had dropped out of college and was working full time in an office and part time as a youth director at church. We married when I was 22 and he was 24.

We have definitely had some rough patches, but I made it very clear that I told my mom I would be a doctor's wife and I was not about to become a liar.

[ladymoreta]

I guess the statistics are hard to pin down, but I can see how marrying young could be a risk factor for divorce.

SoonerTexan, that professor never really said anything to me about marrying young (I was 19), but I was already married when I took his class. I can totally see him doing that, though.

[scrub-jay]

No. I don't know how many LDS marriages are temple marriages statistically speaking. The goal is to have a temple marriage - to either get married and sealed in the temple for time and eternity or to go to the temple after your marriage to be sealed in the temple for time and eternity. That's definitely not a 100% met goal.

Wow, I had no idea. Can I just say that oddly enough, this is one of my favorite threads right now. I am learning tons.

[SoonerTexan]

Scrub-jay--I copied and pasted the "Benefits of NFP in Marriage" section from the website of an organization that teaches it. So far I've found it to be true in our marriage. It doesn't get more personal that cervical mucus (TMI!)

• NFP provides couples with a built-in way of keeping a cycle of courtship and honeymoon in their marriage, and it helps keep spouses from taking their sexual relationship for granted.
• Couples who practice NFP find that by discussing and prayerfully discerning their aspirations and concerns about the size of their family, they find it easier to address issues in other critical areas of their marriages: finances, “in-law” strategies, how to rear their children, and many other issues.
• Wives have expressed to us the great appreciation they feel for their husbands, who exhibit self-control and a willingness to sacrifice pleasure for the sake of mutually agreed values — truly impressive character traits in our self-centered culture. Husbands tell us of feeling a sense of privilege in being let into knowledge of their wives’ fertility, an understanding few other men can claim to have.

[diggitydot]

That religious tolerance link is absolutely fascinating. I'm not even remotely religious, but I am always interested in learning about different religions.

Divorce rates:

Brigham Young University professor Daniel K. Judd computed in the year 2000 that only 6% of those Mormons who marry in a temple ceremony subsequently go through a temple divorce. This is a small fraction of the rate in the general American population. 3 Unfortunately, the value may not be accurate:

Most Mormons who have their marriage sealed in a temple ceremony and who subsequently divorce do so in a civil ceremony. This avoids the rather complex temple "cancellation of sealing" (divorce) procedures. Thus, their divorce is not counted in the above figure.

Some Mormons marry in a temple ceremony, divorce in a civil procedure and subsequently remarry in a second temple ceremony. This would count as two temple marriages and zero temple divorces -- thus reducing the apparent divorce rate.

Overall, the Mormon divorce rate appears to be no different from the average American divorce rate. A 1999 study by Barna Research of nearly 4,000 U.S. adults showed that 24% of Mormon marriages end in divorce -- a number statistically equal to the divorce rate among all Americans. 5 Members of non-denominational churches (typically Fundamentalist in teaching) and born-again Christians experience a significantly higher divorce rate; Agnostics and Atheists have much a lower rate. 6 More info.

This data is supported by an earlier study the National Survey of Families and Households. It found that about 26% of both Mormons and non-Mormons had experienced at least one divorce at some time during their life.

I wonder why agnostics and atheists have a "much lower" divorce rate?

[Ladybug]

I think most statistics are prone to a bias and should therefore be taken with a grain of salt at face value and blurb reading. Just my thoughts.

[reciprocity]

I think most statistics are prone to a bias and should therefore be taken with a grain of salt at face value and blurb reading. Just my thoughts.

even without the statistical bias, divorce rates can easily be interpreted in whatever way supports the reader's preconceived notion - either X type of marriages are "happier" and thus have less need of divorce or X type of marriages are "more oppressive" and therefore are harder for an unhappy spouse to escape from. Another reason to ensure proper sodium intake.

[SoonerTexan]

^^haha!

[GrayMatterWife]

I wonder why agnostics and atheists have a "much lower" divorce rate?

I have no scientific basis for this--purely conjecture based on my personal observations of people in my life: it may relate to some agnostics/atheists getting married older (no religious rush to marry) and having more realistic expectations of what the marriage is/offers. I had many very religious Protestant Christian girlfriends in college from either Baptist, fundamentalist or "Bible" church backgrounds, who had...let's just say...unrealistic expectations of what marriage would be like. Very naive and married young-ish (20-22). I think of some of it--but certainly not all of it--resulted from a complete lack of a sexual education and experience (which can be addressed to some degree with good, specific, frank, and honest premarital counseling). They literally had no idea beyond Slot A and Tab B. Plus, they also had this notion that they were about to be immediately and completely "fulfilled" in every way by being married. That's a lot of pressure to put on a relationship.

I am not saying that atheists and agnostics have better sex that Christians. I am sharing only what I observed personally: cluelessness, which can be overcome by experience, education, and just maturity and time.

[Thirteen]

I have no scientific basis for this--purely conjecture based on my personal observations of people in my life: it may relate to some agnostics/atheists getting married older (no religious rush to marry) and having more realistic expectations of what the marriage is/offers. I had many very religious Protestant Christian girlfriends in college from either Baptist, fundamentalist or "Bible" church backgrounds, who had...let's just say...unrealistic expectations of what marriage would be like. Very naive and married young-ish (20-22). I think of some of it--but certainly not all of it--resulted from a complete lack of a sexual education and experience (which can be addressed to some degree with good, specific, frank, and honest premarital counseling). They literally had no idea beyond Slot A and Tab B. Plus, they also had this notion that they were about to be immediately and completely "fulfilled" in every way by being married. That's a lot of pressure to put on a relationship.

I am not saying that atheists and agnostics have better sex that Christians. I am sharing only what I observed personally: cluelessness, which can be overcome by experience, education, and just maturity and time.

I agree with this.
1) It shocks me how many women are not aware of their own bodies, much less their partners' bodies.
2) Also, the language utilized to discuss sex (for adolescents and single adults) is mostly negative: desire for someone else, actively engaging another person in sexual acts, masturbation, being sexually aware and attempting to draw attention to yourself is taught against. It is discouraged, and in some Fundamentalist backgrounds, very much condemned (I am not attempting to start another religious debate here). Yet, suddenly people marry, and they are expected to proceed and be okay with positive associations regarding such things as nakedness, lingerie, desiring their partner, etc.
3) Fulfillment. "Marriage will be everything I think. It will solve all my problems. We will be best friends and agree on everything." Expectations can kill a relationship quickly.
Scripturally-speaking, that is attempting to put a fallible person, in the infallible place of God. People disappoint, it happens, and that's okay.

[ladymoreta]

Another speculation, but I think having parents with healthy marriages is also important - that's where you really learn how to be married. DH and I were married at 19, but so were both our parents, and they're all still together.


Laurie

[diggitydot]

Thank you for the additional information. Sorry, when you quoted it, I assumed you'd already vetted the info since you posted the link.

[Vanquisher]

I'm not sure I believe the 6% statistic though. Just as, in their statistics, for some reason I am counted as a member, I think that number may be off.

[MrsSz]

Well, I was married at 19, and I am married to a surgeon! We're at 15+ years. Suck it, MIL.