Having it all (as a woman and mother)

[SoonerTexan]

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/martha...b_1682828.html

Marissa Mayer, a (gorgeous) Google hotshot has accepted the position of CEO at Yahoo. She is also due with her first child in October and plans to work through a short maternity leave.

Maybe I'm being pessimistic because I heard this story on the way to work after driving 40 minutes out of my way to drop of N, dumping coffee all over myself, and trying to rearrange meetings at stoplights via blackberry, but God help her.

Just curious as to what other people's perspectives are on this...I know this subject has been hashed over before, but working through maternity leave is a new one...

[v-girl]

I was nagged so much by co-workers during two maternity leaves that I did work some. And I resented the co-workers who nagged me so much that our working relationship was never the same.

[oceanchild]

I have so many thoughts on this. Oh, so many.

Have you read the article Anne-Marie Slaughter wrote a couple weeks ago?
Link: Why Women Still Can't Have it All
Long, but worth it.

More later, if I can put together my rants coherently.

[ladymoreta]

That was very well-written. I love that it's positive and not accusing - it's so easy for people to "go there" when commenting on other moms' working/parenting decisions. Either way, it can be a tough decision to work or to stay at home, but I'm so glad I live in a place and time where it's my decision.

[diggitydot]

No one can "have it all", regardless of whether they're parents or not. Being happy with whichever choices you make for you and your family and making them work is about as good as it gets.

I never considered being an at-home parent until it became a necessity. Surprised the ever-loving shit out of myself when I discovered that I actually enjoyed it much more than working outside the home. And I'm cool with both of those choices because they work (or worked) for us.

[corn poffi]

Ugh I hate the argument so much.

First, "having it all" is subjective. My "all" doesn't include children, but somebody else's "all" could be staying at home and raising a family. I just hate that people are constantly judged by their choices. As long as somebody is happy and not a mass murderer or something, who cares?

I would write more, but I'm kinda annoyed with myself for even thinking about this. Haha

[diggitydot]

Ugh I hate the argument so much.

First, "having it all" is subjective. My "all" doesn't include children, but somebody else's "all" could be staying at home and raising a family. I just hate that people are constantly judged by their choices. As long as somebody is happy and not a mass murderer or something, who cares?

I would write more, but I'm kinda annoyed with myself for even thinking about this. Haha

I can't figure out if it's more wrong or ironic that I find myself judging the Judgy McJudgersons.

[corn poffi]

Hahaha me too DD! I decided it's okay to judge them, cuz it's for the better of society, right?

[scrub-jay]

As you well know, ST, something always has to give. I think there are pros and cons on every possibility. I do think it is important to maintain a positive attitude about whichever way you go. Although I wish I could be home (or home more), I have seen advantages that daycare has given my daughter. As for Ms. Mayer, I won't judge her for her career advancement. Who knows what she has planned for her newborn. Most women in my company were expected to work through their mat leave (yea, my company does NOT belong in the 100 top companies for working women), in fact, my boss quit to stay home with her first and the company continued to include her on daily calls... AFTER SHE QUIT. They kept her on payroll and basically refused to let her quit. I did not work at all during my mat leave. Period. I drew my lines and I got seriously mommy-tracked. However, you all know that the future is unknown for me (residency-job), this job probably isn't my "life-long career" and I don't really care if they roll their eyes when I go to pick up my feverish daughter from daycare.

[moonlight]

This is a totally new debate in my mind: Should working women shorten mat leave and work at home during that short mat leave? My answer is HELL F'IN NO! I'm sorry but I draw the line right there.

Here's where I feel like I'm being judgy: She's 37 having her first child and she thinks and just Assumes everything will be A-OK postpartum. She is just assuming her baby will be perfectly health, that she will be super human 48 hours after the birth, and that 3 weeks out her child (and herself) will be perfectly able to put in long days at work. I know some will disagree. I know in history women have done the same, but she's looking for trouble. AKA Mika Brzezinski. Remember her story? She went back to work too soon after her baby was born, wasn't rested, and ended up dropping her child down a flight of stairs (when she was admittedly exhausted) and broke her baby's back!

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

As someone who had a very unexpected (and freak) complication after birth that would have prevented me from working, I think it's a dicey proposition. I want to say that a pregnant woman can have it all but what if she has to go on bedrest? Or what if she can't walk post-partum? Or what if her baby needs an extended stay in the NICU? In my mind, it's not a reason not to give her the job but I hope that she has some GREAT help starting basically now in case of some of these issues.

[diggitydot]

Here's where I feel like I'm being judgy: She's 37 having her first child and she thinks and just Assumes everything will be A-OK postpartum. She is just assuming her baby will be perfectly health, that she will be super human 48 hours after the birth, and that 3 weeks out her child (and herself) will be perfectly able to put in long days at work.

I chalk it up to 1st timers (of anything) who don't know what they don't know. However, some people have little or no complications and are ready to go back quickly. I was back to work 6 weeks after DD1 was born and she was sleeping through the night already. It was CRAZY easy and I had no idea how abnormal my experience was.

[SoonerTexan]

If she can make it work, more power to her, but I guess I'm skeptical as it is her first child. I was ready to be knocked upside down by the post partum days and still didn't anticipate just how hard it would be, and I had a ton of help and was not expected to work at all.If she were doing this already having experienced birth I would be more inclined to believe she knew she could handle what se was signing up for.

I just hope it doesn't become a new norm..."well x did it, so why can't you?"

[scrub-jay]

Also remember that she is brand-new to the post, there is speculation that she was brought on to captain a sinking ship, and it is utterly important that she inspire hope for the company. Being a CEO is different from "just another job", she really needs to turn this organization around and people are bringing up the pregnancy as a "is she too weak to handle this? or is she going to abandon us?" I don't blame her for trying to dissuade those fears. It is completely appropriate to continue to issue statements that will relax the speculation and criticism. I'm not even sure it is reflective of what will actually happen, I think she is trying to keep the freak-out to a minimum.

ETA: Honestly, as a working woman and a mother, I am annoyed that the focus is on her pregnancy and maternity leave and not on what she can offer the company. What I want to know (and yes, this is the MBA coming out) is what are you going to do differently from the last few CEOs that have further botched things up? She obviously sold the board on her plan for reviving the company, 6-8 weeks mat leave is NOTHING when you consider the revival of a corporation. Why is no one asking her "what are your business objectives? what is your strategy?" Why is the only question floating about have to be about her pregnancy? I have to think she has more to offer to the company that just her unborn child and I wish we could focus on that.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

ETA: Honestly, as a working woman and a mother, I am annoyed that the focus is on her pregnancy and maternity leave and not on what she can offer the company. What I want to know (and yes, this is the MBA coming out) is what are you going to do differently from the last few CEOs that have further botched things up? She obviously sold the board on her plan for reviving the company, 6-8 weeks mat leave is NOTHING when you consider the revival of a corporation. Why is no one asking her "what are your business objectives? what is your strategy?" Why is the only question floating about have to be about her pregnancy? I have to think she has more to offer to the company that just her unborn child and I wish we could focus on that.

While I agree with you very much, I do think that her ability to execute that plan is what has people concerned. If the company was coasting or doing well, I don't think people would be batting an eye but righting a sinking ship requires your FULL ATTENTION and I'm not sure she'll be able to give it.