Having it all (as a woman and mother)

[scrub-jay]

While I agree with you very much, I do think that her ability to execute that plan is what has people concerned. If the company was coasting or doing well, I don't think people would be batting an eye but righting a sinking ship requires your FULL ATTENTION and I'm not sure she'll be able to give it.

No, absolutely, and that would be an appropriate way to frame the question. And what would you expect her to say? Exactly what she is saying. It's really sad that she is then attacked on the other end. Who knows what her plan is, I think she could pull it off if she doesn't have complications. I've personally known female executives who hired nannies and night nannies and were back at work w/in a week. On a personal level, I couldn't do that, but everyone is different.

[bobk]

I feel a bit sorry for her. I can't imagine going from relative anonymity to a national conversation piece about motherhood and career choices. She'll be under a microscope for the next couple years. Her path is difficult as is, but will be made worse by opposing sides in the "mommy wars" ready to pounce at every little thing that happens.

[Meenah]

I sspect she will do fine with the help of three nannies, one wet nurse, a housekeeper, personal chef, and private driver!

[SuzySunshine]

There are some women who are better mothers NOT being with their kids 24/7 - to be honest I think I would be one of them but I didn't love my job and/or need the income enough to want to go back after A was born and then there was that whole being laid off thing. As I think others have said, she has to do what is right for herself and her family. She being given the career opportunity of a lifetime and she's being given the best gifts - all at the same time? Great timing? Nope but it is what it is and she will make her decisions as she goes. Maybe she will have 3 nannies, a wet nurse, a housekeeper, personal chef and private driver. Sounds like she and her husband are both very successful maybe they already have those things (besides the baby stuff).

Now do I think she should be working through her maternity leave? If working means sitting somewhere looking at reports and participating in conference calls, sure why not. If working means being on her feet at major events and "on" before her six weeks is up. Nope, there is a reason six weeks is the minimum.

Unfortunately she has put herself in a position that in the next few years it will either be, "look she totally made the wrong choice and her career is in the tank and/or her child is permanently scarred because of it" or "see, she did it, she saved Yahoo, has a perfectly normal child/family and anyone else can do it too." It would have been nice to keep her pregnancy to herself a little longer and focused on Yahoo first but I suppose with the internet being what it is and the fact that she's already six months along I guess that wasn't possible.

[niener]

No, absolutely, and that would be an appropriate way to frame the question. And what would you expect her to say? Exactly what she is saying. It's really sad that she is then attacked on the other end. Who knows what her plan is, I think she could pull it off if she doesn't have complications. I've personally known female executives who hired nannies and night nannies and were back at work w/in a week. On a personal level, I couldn't do that, but everyone is different.

Right, she has to say what she's saying. She can't throw the ifs and buts in there. If the role she's taken on needs her back in 3 weeks, that's what she's going to say she'll do. I'm sure she's thought about the what ifs and the potential complications and I'm sure the board that hired her has as well. It's a gamble, but obviously one they're all willing to take.

I'm not very good at putting my thoughts about this problem on paper, other than I think a lot of the problem we create ourselves. The "Why Women Still Can't Have It All" article is very good, I'm about halfway through.

[SoonerTexan]

I liked that article too! I guess my frustration is around this:

The "lets empower girls and let them know they be/have anything" mantra is popular, and rightfully so. Women fought hard for the right. But I think the corollary, "but you may still have to make difficult choices" conversation isn't "politically correct" and largely ignored (well, until recently it seems!)

I often think about what I'm going to tell my daughter. My mom knew her daughters pretty well and encouraged us to think strongly about what career choices we made if we intended to get married and have a family (especially the large families we want). She never said, "don't be x" just "think of the consequences of x career choice carefully." I think she would have been vilified for that by a lot of people, but I'm so glad she did it. It helped me make choices and set expectations that I'm so thankful for now.

It's been on my mind the last week a lot. This past weekend my FIL visited us and we were chatting about DH's future and he asked me what the "next step up" was for me in my career. I basically said there isn't one. I've looked around hard and realized that I'm going to have to take a very specific career path in order to be the mom and wife I want to be. That doesn't bother me, but it's kind of hard to hear out loud because it sounds like, "I'm mommytracking myself for the sake of my husband" to everyone else and that's not what "successful" women do.

[Curegirl]

I liked that article too! I guess my frustration is around this:

The "lets empower girls and let them know they be/have anything" mantra is popular, and rightfully so. Women fought hard for the right. But I think the corollary, "but you may still have to make difficult choices" conversation isn't "politically correct" and largely ignored (well, until recently it seems!)

I often think about what I'm going to tell my daughter. My mom knew her daughters pretty well and encouraged us to think strongly about what career choices we made if we intended to get married and have a family (especially the large families we want). She never said, "don't be x" just "think of the consequences of x career choice carefully." I think she would have been vilified for that by a lot of people, but I'm so glad she did it. It helped me make choices and set expectations that I'm so thankful for now.

It's been on my mind the last week a lot. This past weekend my FIL visited us and we were chatting about DH's future and he asked me what the "next step up" was for me in my career. I basically said there isn't one. I've looked around hard and realized that I'm going to have to take a very specific career path in order to be the mom and wife I want to be. That doesn't bother me, but it's kind of hard to hear out loud because it sounds like, "I'm mommytracking myself for the sake of my husband" to everyone else and that's not what "successful" women do.

ST, I agree...a lot of people believe that the choices women have these days don't include being a SAHM. I think that having it all is basically a very personal, unique definition for each individual woman. My definition of having it all is probably very different from some others and that's ok because my life is mine and theirs is theirs. Maybe a more universal definition of the phrase is having the choice in the first place?

[niener]

The "lets empower girls and let them know they be/have anything" mantra is popular, and rightfully so. Women fought hard for the right. But I think the corollary, "but you may still have to make difficult choices" conversation isn't "politically correct" and largely ignored (well, until recently it seems!)

As well, those difficult choices have changed over the years. The challenges for women getting to the top in business and government were a different set back before there were any women at the top. Now that the precedent has been set, I think you're seeing the expectations rise at lower levels as though if these women are giving it their all, so should you. Many of those on the lower and middle rungs of the ladder are expected to be available 24/7. You take calls at home, you check emails on the weekend, you frequently travel for days to conferences and client meetings. And you're not a CEO, you're a mid-level manager. How much more of yourself are you willing to give? The culture of "leave work at work" is disappearing, and I think more and more people are getting fed up with that and saying you know what, this is just too much. Something has to give.

[MrsK]

This is a totally new debate in my mind: Should working women shorten mat leave and work at home during that short mat leave? My answer is HELL F'IN NO! I'm sorry but I draw the line right there.

Here's where I feel like I'm being judgy: She's 37 having her first child and she thinks and just Assumes everything will be A-OK postpartum. She is just assuming her baby will be perfectly health, that she will be super human 48 hours after the birth, and that 3 weeks out her child (and herself) will be perfectly able to put in long days at work. I know some will disagree. I know in history women have done the same, but she's looking for trouble. AKA Mika Brzezinski. Remember her story? She went back to work too soon after her baby was born, wasn't rested, and ended up dropping her child down a flight of stairs (when she was admittedly exhausted) and broke her baby's back!

There is no reason to assume that things will not be A-OK postpartum. I was 35 when my first son was born and I was on bedrest for a lot of my pregnancy. I worked from home and closed and $18mm transaction the day my son was born. And, since he was born just before the firm's fiscal year ended, I continued WFH during the initial weeks of my maternity leave to assure that my billing and receivables were in order.

I sspect she will do fine with the help of three nannies, one wet nurse, a housekeeper, personal chef, and private driver!

I know that this was meant tounge in cheek but it's true. Money can solve a lot of problems. She can deligate the dirty work and cuddle a nice clean baby when she is home. I assure you she will not be driving 40 minutes to drop the baby anywhere.

There are some women who are better mothers NOT being with their kids 24/7 - to be honest I think I would be one of them but I didn't love my job and/or need the income enough to want to go back after A was born and then there was that whole being laid off thing. As I think others have said, she has to do what is right for herself and her family. She being given the career opportunity of a lifetime and she's being given the best gifts - all at the same time? Great timing? Nope but it is what it is and she will make her decisions as she goes. Maybe she will have 3 nannies, a wet nurse, a housekeeper, personal chef and private driver. Sounds like she and her husband are both very successful maybe they already have those things (besides the baby stuff).

Now do I think she should be working through her maternity leave? If working means sitting somewhere looking at reports and participating in conference calls, sure why not. If working means being on her feet at major events and "on" before her six weeks is up. Nope, there is a reason six weeks is the minimum.

Unfortunately she has put herself in a position that in the next few years it will either be, "look she totally made the wrong choice and her career is in the tank and/or her child is permanently scarred because of it" or "see, she did it, she saved Yahoo, has a perfectly normal child/family and anyone else can do it too." It would have been nice to keep her pregnancy to herself a little longer and focused on Yahoo first but I suppose with the internet being what it is and the fact that she's already six months along I guess that wasn't possible.

^ This. 100%

[BonBon]

There are some women who are better mothers NOT being with their kids 24/7 - to be honest I think I would be one of them but I didn't love my job and/or need the income enough to want to go back after A was born and then there was that whole being laid off thing. As I think others have said, she has to do what is right for herself and her family. She being given the career opportunity of a lifetime and she's being given the best gifts - all at the same time? Great timing? Nope but it is what it is and she will make her decisions as she goes. Maybe she will have 3 nannies, a wet nurse, a housekeeper, personal chef and private driver. Sounds like she and her husband are both very successful maybe they already have those things (besides the baby stuff).

Now do I think she should be working through her maternity leave? If working means sitting somewhere looking at reports and participating in conference calls, sure why not. If working means being on her feet at major events and "on" before her six weeks is up. Nope, there is a reason six weeks is the minimum.

Unfortunately she has put herself in a position that in the next few years it will either be, "look she totally made the wrong choice and her career is in the tank and/or her child is permanently scarred because of it" or "see, she did it, she saved Yahoo, has a perfectly normal child/family and anyone else can do it too." It would have been nice to keep her pregnancy to herself a little longer and focused on Yahoo first but I suppose with the internet being what it is and the fact that she's already six months along I guess that wasn't possible.

Agree with what SS said.

As for working during maternity leave, after my first two pgs I was up and feeling great pretty quickly. Babies sleep so much, and with a first baby, gosh, you have a fair amount of spare time. If I was a newly minted CEO, I'd be working from home too while my little one napped.

As for the letter posted by Martha Nelson, I found it a trifle condescending and can't help but wonder what her purpose was in writing it.

[Bittersweet]

You know, I’m most bothered by the fact that “having it all” is almost exclusively posed as a woman’s issue. No one would give this a second thought if Marissa Mayer were a man about to become a father. I understand that there are postpartum physical concerns that exclusively impact the mother. But, as a rule, they don’t justify such a disparate focus.

Just as an example: I’m pregnant now. I can guarantee that no one has asked DH if he is going to return to work after the baby is born. Yet, it’s a question I frequently answer. Likewise, no one blinked when DH returned to 30+ hour shifts within days of our son’s birth. There would have been mega judgment if I immediately returned to my sedentary job … and I bet most of it wouldn’t be out of concern for my physical health. Can you imagine an article regarding a new male CEO that included the caution of “[j]ust do it knowing something has to give, and it may be your sense of peace when you realize your child is experiencing the world without you.”

I don’t understand why this issue is so female focused. Kids complicate jobs … but so do marriages, aging parents, personal health challenges, moves, etc. My career downshifted post baby, but I was hardly CEO material before gestating. Likewise, DH made compromises during the residency and fellowship match process to best suit our family’s needs. He just didn’t have the “am I letting down other men/forgoing my dreams/living up to my potential/giving enough as a parent” angst in making his decision.

Blah, don’t mind me, I’m just crabby.

[Sheherezade]

I'm such a cynic I'm thinking all this publicity was intended when they hired her. Yahoo CEOs have all been disasters interns of turning the company (says this Yahoo stockholder) and I've largely stopped paying attention to the NEW new plan for the company with each one. Maybe this hoopla is all intended to draw attention to Yahoo. A sort of Hail Mary hiring strategy? As I've said, I'm a cynic. And totally uninterested in the Mommy War pot they seem to be stirring.

[Sheherezade]

Interns = in terms DYAC

[Sheherezade]

Just to clarify, I think the new CEO brings a lot to the table. I just wonder if they didn't see the possible media storm over her pregnancy as a positive when they made their decision between all the people on the short list.

[GrayMatterWife]

My DH and I were sitting together in the car when we heard the story. We both looked at each other and simultaneously said the same thing: "Why is this news?"

Big hairy deal. They are covering this story like it is something special. I worked through each of my last two post-partum periods, full-time. She's not special just because she is a CEO. She's riduculously fortunate. Whatever maternity break she gets is paid for. And federal law requires that her job is held.