Teaching Your Child to Argue

[Thirteen]

I saw this today: http://inpraiseofargument.squarespac...a-kid-to-argue

I'm still not sure what I think of it - the author does make some good points, but I feel like this could go badly in a hurry when put into practice.
Thoughts?

[GrayMatterWife]

This is every.single.day.of.my.life.

I do this. And I also get strange and astonished looks in public.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

This is every.single.day.of.my.life.

I do this. And I also get strange and astonished looks in public.

DH and I talk about this a lot. I think it's a great thing. Our current plan is to have a very limited number of nonnegotiable points. Everything else is open to discussion - well thought-out, researched discussion (obviously based on age and ability). You want to go to the mall with people that mom and dad don't approve of? Why? You want a motorcycle? Let's talk about why.

Reasoning like "that consequence doesn't apply to me" is not allowed - what are the risks and benefits of your choices and how do you plan on mitigating those risks? Do mom and dad present an alternative with fewer risks?

I was never really allowed to do this - it took DH a long time to help me learn to capital my own ship Raising confident, independent kiddos is an awesome accomplishment - the method above isn't the only way, but a way that DH and I both like!

[ladymoreta]

I think it's great! DH and I have talked about wanting to do this, but we don't have a lot of experience with how to teach it. Our parents were pretty typical because-I-said-so parents.

[peggyfromwastate]

I've done some of this-- dh is a "because I said do" buy as the kids get older they make good points at times and if they present a rational argument for, say, a later bedtime, or extra computer time, or a chance to go somewhere fun, then I will sometimes give in.

[spotty_dog]

Oh man, absolutely 100%. We learn empathy and reasoning and self-control and all kinds of important life skills in my house, simply by making almost everything negotiable. But not in the wheedling "I'll give you something if you let me!" way, but in a very strict, "here is the underlying premise, let's build on it" way.

The only disagreements I have with the article are that he advises always choosing against those who "foul" (how does that teach sound reasoning?) and also that he mocks those who, being small children after all, allow emotions to overwhelm them into tantruming or screaming. I'm not down with the mocking, but then, my children are still pretty little and I do fully expect sarcasm to be sanity-saving when they get a bit older and sassier.

I want to say that Parent Effectiveness Training is a good guide to implementing sane negotiation tactics at home. (I haven't read it in a while...I probably should, I loved that book!)

[diggitydot]

Holy sweet fuck -- I would pay serious money if I could get DD2 to learn to STOP arguing with me. That girl has infuriatingly sound logic. She'll make one hell of an attorney someday.

[HouseofWool]

Holy sweet fuck -- I would pay serious money if I could get DD2 to learn to STOP arguing with me. That girl has infuriatingly sound logic. She'll make one hell of an attorney someday.

She sounds like her mother... Just sayin'.

Sent from my DROIDX using Tapatalk 2

[houseelf]

I just read something (Nurture shock? Maybe?) that most teens who argue with their parents are far more honest than seemingly compliant, nonargumentative teenagers. The teens that plead their case, even in a pedantic, emotionally manipulative, dramatic-teen style are far more likely to be honest with parents AND attempt to abide by their rules. The authors went so far to opine that arguments equate to honesty for older kids. While all of this makes perfect sense, living it leaves me worn out like a dishrag.

[Thirteen]

My concern was also mocking small children, Spotty Dog. I can see it becoming too easy for me to do, and possibly hurting my kid.

Those of you who employ these tactics: how do you go about instilling good habits and avoid hurting the child's feelings? That's what I am most curious about.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[diggitydot]

She sounds like her mother... Just sayin'.

Sent from my DROIDX using Tapatalk 2

Touché.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

My concern was also mocking small children, Spotty Dog. I can see it becoming too easy for me to do, and possibly hurting my kid.

Those of you who employ these tactics: how do you go about instilling good habits and avoid hurting the child's feelings? That's what I am most curious about.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I agree - the thing that bothered me most was the use of the "s" word - stupid.

[Sheherezade]

I think most of the parents of teens on here probably had the same reaction to the thread title. "Dear Jesus, WHY??" I did raise my kids this way and now with the 16 year old, he will argue about EVERYTHING. Not just his case or the rules but politics, news articles, film reviews. Everything.

[HouseofWool]

I didn't catch that the author called the child stupid. He said he (the father) looked stupid with his pant legs hiked up. Probably not my choice of words, but if that is what goes in their house, *shrug*.

I can see teaching DS, this because it fits with his personality. With DD, it would be like handing the keys to the city to a supervillian, she would use the ability to manipulate every situation to her liking.

[Vanquisher]

I can see teaching DS, this because it fits with his personality. With DD, it would be like handing the keys to the city to a supervillian, she would use the ability to manipulate every situation to her liking.

Bwahahahaha! It's like you know my life and can write it out with so much wit!