Sports in America

[MDPhDWife]

As far as cost, with DH being in med school, we had no choice but to limit DD 11 to rec teams despite her constantly being recruited to play on club soccer teams. The money just was never there (and still isn't!) for that. There's no way in hell I'm going to sacrifice our families vacation money so one person can play soccer.

I also have always felt a little bad for our younger uninvolved DD who has always been dragged around to practices/games for her older sis. It's just a big commitment for not only the kiddo but the entire family.

[Pollyanna]

I will jump in here as a parent who has done a variety of competitive activities with my kiddos. The oldest four danced competitively (think dance moms without the drama). They all had Seasons where they danced for 6-8 hours each Saturday from Aug-June, and that does not count the time for weekday classes (dd10 is strictly dancing ballet now and only dances 8-10/week). We traveled to competitions as a family and had a blast. Some of the kids danced with 102 temps, one had a stomach virus at a competition, plus a variety of injuries. They were never forced or pushed, they chose to push through because they knew what it meant to make a commitment and follow through. The boys understood if they didn't dance the number would have to be pulled. You don't learn that kind of commitment in the rec. classes. Of course you kid has to have a passion to push themselves I don't believe in the parents forcing one activity or another. And of course this all needs to fit within the families budget. But just because you are shuttling kids doesn't mean you can't have family time. You just need to be more creative.

High school sports are a different beast. Depending where you live your children will need to start the sport early if you want them to make the team. Interestingly, this is not necessarily true of football. Our boys started a variety of sports in middle school. Dd16 plays football and baseball. Workouts are year round. It's life, we work his schedule into the families schedule. Dd12 is now playing football, wrestling, and lacrosse starts tonight. I'm sure those sports would be on the list of "no way" for many folks. My nephew was not allowed to play those sports because basketball was safer. Ironically, he took a cheap shot in a game a broke his back. Think long and hard about what your kids are passionate about because trust me, you would rather they be over scheduled and busy in high school instead of just being passionate about a boyfriend/girlfriend or just hanging around getting in trouble.

A passion can be anything. It can be scouting, music, art, sports, chess, robotics, etc. but whatever it is I would rather my child be cultivating a passion rather than just hanging around. I think there are far too many moving parts for me to make a complete response right now (iPhone typing with moving baby, lol). Suffice it to say, I think this is a complex issue that is resolved family by family, child by child.

[Deebs]

I will say that I think giving a young child a variety of exposures can really help them in the future. Our oldest is 7, and decided she does not like team sports, or stage performances (in case you're wondering, stage fright can exist at age 4). I only know this because I signed her up for basketball, dance, and drama - all at different times. She's currently doing a class called "Fit Girl" that works to encourage and empower girls, teach nutrition, exercise (in sort of a really fun gym class/workout style), and self esteem building. It's been great for her and teaches a lot of life skills. She's also taking roller skating, but will not try soccer, which is really popular here. She told me that she knows she's not good at it and doesn't like it. I'm glad that she's not caving to the pressure of doing the activity everyone else does.

DS is starting soccer in the spring. If he is incredible,I still won't spend 10K on a sport. I'm sorry - I think that is completely ridiculous.

The three year old has no activities, mostly because we haven't loved here long. She will take a tumbling and dance class this spring.

My highschool boyfriend lettered in three sports every season. He was captain of the football and basketball teams, and played football for Harvard. After graduation he became a professional wrestler, but had to retire after a serious blow. He has founded the Sports Legacy Institute - looking at athlete's brains postmortem. While this guy is brilliant and incredibly talented, he can't leave his house without a GPS. His memory is simply too damaged to get around on his own. When I asked if he would let his kids compete the way he did, he says no. While he loved it and is a tremendous fan, it took too much from him and he still worries about future neurological deficits. This is definitely something that I will consider over and again as my kids grow and potentially develop interest and ability in sports.

I think kids can learn a ton from sports and activities, but think that parents have lost perspective. Most children will not become professional athletes. Just watch the sideline behavior at a child's sporting event and it quickly becomes obvious that parents are incredibly wrapped up in this. Parents and coaches are sending kids back into games after they have signs of concussions - its crazy! My kids are taught and reminded (beginning pretty much at birth) that their jobs are to learn and help to serve others. If sports become a beloved hobby, great, but there will always be a balance. I will also work to ensure my kids look at realistic role models. We have so many professional athletes that are thugs, addicts, cheat on their spouses, etc, and are greatly revered despite that. It's sad.

[Thirteen]

I foresee possible martial arts, running, playing an instrument, etc.
It would be awesome if it's an activity that our whole family could enjoy.

I will respectfully disagree with the notion of "keeping your child busy prevents other unwanted scenarios or behaviors," since I knew many a student that played club something, or varsity whatnot, and still ended up making poor decisions regarding alcohol, drugs, and the opposite sex.
I think, like you say, it is important to be available and know your children well. However, there isn't any true way of completely insulating young teens from making poor life decisions.


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[civilspouse]

I don't think keeping your kids busy will protect them from bad choices, but it certainly doesn't hurt. Less free time to become bored and do something stupid.

[Pollyanna]

I don't think keeping your kids busy will protect them from bad choices, but it certainly doesn't hurt. Less free time to become bored and do something stupid.

While sitting at ballet pick up I should clarify. When I say, "keep them busy", there is far more to that statement. I mean help your child cultivate a passion. They will be busy because they are passionate about that activity and they will continue to develop that talent. Sometimes helping them cultivate a passion is uncomfortable for a parent because they are afraid of injury or the parent doesn't know or understand the activity. But that's when we get to step up and learn as well. I don't mean signing up for activity a, b, and c just to keep them out of trouble, that's busy work. At the same time that they are cultivating a passion you as the parent will be teaching them balance. How do you successfully be involved in something you love, get good grades, develop family relationships, cultivate a faith, etc. If learning balance is all that ever comes from club soccer, chess tournaments, etc then I think it will be money and time well spent. And can kids still get into trouble even if they're busy developing their passion and life? Well sure, they're still learning, living and making mistakes. Who the hell wants a perfect kid? I'd prefer they make mistakes while they're still at home so Dh and I can help them learn from them. I fully realize that I approach life very differently than most folks. I just don't think the idea of club teams are bad but I also can find the value in minimal activities and a quieter life. The question is what us best for your family and your children.

[SoonerTexan]

It depends on who their peers and coach are. If it's the wrong crowd and your kid is spending hours with them...

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

I loved playing sports and extracurriculars growing up. At one point in 8th grade, I played a field hockey game at 3:30 PM, drove to a soccer tourney and played a game at 6 and a game at 9. On a school night. It was ridiculous and I lived for every moment. I kept my grades up so I could play in every game and I was the captain of every team I played on. I feel like it was a really important part of my life and I'm so thankful that my Dad supported me. My mother hated it. She hated that it wasn't her idea of family time. She didn't care that we loved it, she just resented the family time lost and stopped coming to games by the time I was 14.

Now as a parent and an adult, I can somewhat understand my mom's position - it was hard that we asked her to support me and come to games every weekend when she didn't like sports. That being said, I don't agree that you can't have family time while your children play sports. I know plenty of families with close relationships whose kids played lots of sports. You just need to adjust that family time won't be in your house all the time. If a child loves it (as I did), I think it's a really big gift to let your children play if they want to but I will expose DD to lots of sports early on.

[civilspouse]

While sitting at ballet pick up I should clarify. When I say, "keep them busy", there is far more to that statement. I mean help your child cultivate a passion. They will be busy because they are passionate about that activity and they will continue to develop that talent. Sometimes helping them cultivate a passion is uncomfortable for a parent because they are afraid of injury or the parent doesn't know or understand the activity. But that's when we get to step up and learn as well. I don't mean signing up for activity a, b, and c just to keep them out of trouble, that's busy work. At the same time that they are cultivating a passion you as the parent will be teaching them balance. How do you successfully be involved in something you love, get good grades, develop family relationships, cultivate a faith, etc. If learning balance is all that ever comes from club soccer, chess tournaments, etc then I think it will be money and time well spent. And can kids still get into trouble even if they're busy developing their passion and life? Well sure, they're still learning, living and making mistakes. Who the hell wants a perfect kid? I'd prefer they make mistakes while they're still at home so Dh and I can help them learn from them. I fully realize that I approach life very differently than most folks. I just don't think the idea of club teams are bad but I also can find the value in minimal activities and a quieter life. The question is what us best for your family and your children.

Well said. I am always impressed by your take on parenting. I don't care if my children play sports, but I do want to help them become well rounded and find things that they have a passion for. I think we will try to expose them to a number of sports along with other activites.

[reciprocity]

I was never a very sporty guy until I got to college and joined the rowing club (which I think doesn't qualify me as a sporty guy still since it's a pretty niche sport)

I was at a D1 school with a strong academic focus. Then I went to a D3 school with very little athletic focus and a very strong academic focus (even for athletes) for law school, where I also coached rowing, and it was like being bathed in a warm glow. As long as I could maintain that "D3" attitude about sports I'd be all for them.

[McPants]

I played sports pretty much every day throughout my youth and thoroughly enjoyed every second of it. Ice hockey, handball and soccer as a kid and then in my teens soccer and handball. I still play soccer for my former university staff team to this day. It really built up a high base fitness level in me and taught me the value of teamwork. If I have kids, I will definitely encourage them to participate in team sports if they enjoy it.

[MsSassyBaskets]

It sounds like the majority of you with kids are into sports participation. I don't think anyone's really arguing that there aren't benefits to it -- fitness, team participation, leadership, etc. But how do all of you deal with the "sports culture"? Do you or your kids watch pro sports at home? Have you talked to your kids about Lance Armstrong or other celebrity athletes who have made big mistakes? Have you/your kids ever had to deal with other parents or kids who are ultra-competitive or critical? Have you had to deal with any unhealthy influences related to sports? Basically, where do you draw your lines?

Houseelf's original comment drew me out because at my high school, some of the biggest drug and alcohol users were the kids who participated in swimming, cheer, soccer, cross country, track & field, etc. There were a tiny minority of kids who were ultra-passionate about their sports, including at least one recent olympian. The rest threw huge keggers after all their major events. Those kids could've gotten away with murder. Most of them DID get away with things like drunk driving and drug use. Many teams had extensive hazing rituals ranging from "harmless" to the appalling and dangerous stuff that our parents and teachers never heard about. The olympian I'm thinking of had her name dragged through the mud for some bad PR moves. It all seems symptomatic of a larger cultural problem. When I hear about something like the Lance Armstrong scandal, all I can think is "why is anyone surprised by this??"

[v-girl]

My girls only dance. And they only take lessons at a classical ballet studio that doesn't allow midriff-baring costumes. They have taken boxing lessons in the past, but those were private lessons with one of my friends from high school.

The boy doesn't do anything yet. I'll take him for some running shoes this weekend.

[niener]

We're a pretty big sports-oriented couple and I would really like for my kids to play competitively, but they'll definitely participate in something athletic even if it's just for fun. The amount of time and money I'd be willing to invest in my kids' athletic pursuits will depend primarily on (1) how many kids we have, (2) how passionate they are about it, and (3) how good they are at it. Actually I'd say that applies to any extracurriculars. I played soccer for my high school (didn't have the skill/drive to play club) and really enjoyed it but it wasn't a huge time or money commitment. DH grew up playing sports all the time. He's done club football, club tennis, school basketball, school and club soccer, and track & field, typically competing in two sports at any given time. It was a pretty big time and money commitment from his family but it was something they all enjoyed and was just part of their family time (but it certainly wasn't all of it). His dad coached their little league football team and his brother played football, tennis and basketball with him and since they're only 18 months apart they were usually on the same team so that cut down on some of the time commitment thing. DH didn't get into soccer until 7th or 8th grade, waaaaaay after everyone else on his team, but he showed a lot of promise early on so he tried out for the club team and made it his first year. Of all the sports/activities he and his brother did, club soccer definitely cost the most money (lots of traveling involved) and required the most commitment, and was the one his parents weren't that fond of (mainly because they didn't understand the sport). But he got a full ride to college because of it and being a D1 scholar-athlete and team captain looks good on a med school application so in a way it helped him become a doctor too, so their return on investment was worth it (in their and my opinion).

The uber competitive parents of really young kids though I don't get. I used to go to my little cousin's softball games and at 5 and 6 years old some of these parents were screaming, berating, even yanking their kids around by the arm because they weren't getting in the proper position. I mean what the hell people, you really think your kid is going to a star athlete someday because you publicly humiliated them on the field when they were 6? Control yourself.

As far as idolizing athletes, that's an issue in all of pop culture. I wouldn't want my kids idolizing an athlete any more than I would a musician, actor, artist, person famous for being famous, whatever. Admiring someone's talent and the hard work it took for them to become top of their field, I see no problem with. Letting them get away with murder because they're top of their field? Completely unacceptable.

[niener]

But how do all of you deal with the "sports culture"? Do you or your kids watch pro sports at home? Have you talked to your kids about Lance Armstrong or other celebrity athletes who have made big mistakes? Have you/your kids ever had to deal with other parents or kids who are ultra-competitive or critical? Have you had to deal with any unhealthy influences related to sports? Basically, where do you draw your lines?

DH nor I ever really experienced these unhealthy influences related to sports when we were growing up but I understand they do exist and can be very prominent. I can tell you though that if my kids succumbed to any unhealthy influences and did something they weren't supposed to do, whether related to their involvement in the sports culture or not, they will get no special treatment at home because of their importance on the team or whatever. Extracurriculars are a privilege and a luxury and will be treated as such.