My Husband Doesn't Need to See Your Boobs

[MAPPLEBUM]

My Husband Doesn't Need to See Your Boobs

The problem is there is a whole culture of this kind of language. By asserting that men are more visual than women they go on to say "don't lead this man to sin" either in mind or deed. I agree with WPw that this is a slippery slope, by taking blame off of men into women for provoking that. there was such a complete lack of originality in this post i wonder how people live their entire lives regurgitating the things they've heard since youth group, Sunday school, whatever. at some point you'd hope they'd start thinking on their own. at least a little.


the idea of images being branded on his mind to conjure up later is something I heard a lot too growing up. and irked me to say the least. i always had this image of some pimply little 14 year old trying to quietly masturbate over his toilet.


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[Sheherezade]

My Husband Doesn't Need to See Your Boobs

Yeah - I have a total trigger for anything that takes the "sin" of a man and places the blame on the women. It doesn't matter if its because they are tempting and scantily clad - or cellulite ridden, out of shape and shrewish (thus driving him away). The man's decisions are his alone. No excuses. There is such a culture of blaming sexual indiscretion on women and it irritates me.

[MrsC]

See, what I got from the post was that he doesn't really have a roving eye, she's just projecting. Now maybe he does, in which case he's at fault. Then, there's a big difference between looking and acting on it.

ETA, I grew up in a Catholic family and wore short skirts to parties and disco's as a teen. But my parents would not have been ok with me wearing the same clothes going to the grocery store. I agree with them because my friend who wore tiny skirts everywhere earned herself a reputation she didn't deserve.

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[diggitydot]

My Husband Doesn't Need to See Your Boobs

Holy fucking shit balls. That kind of all-consuming insecurity HAS to be exhausting for both people in that relationship. I can't even wrap my head around either of their existences. I'm sad for both of them for several reasons.

We have two teen daughters. Their dress code is the same as our 12 YO son's dress code. Shirts have to cover the belly with hands raised overheard, skirts/shorts have to be long enough that ass cheeks or genitalia doesn't show when bending over, jeans can't be super tight (we actually had to explain what "camel toe" was to the boy because he kept giving it to himself), and shirts with anything offensive written on them are verboten. None of this is done because of what someone else may think, but because of the kids' own comfort. Kids don't always have the best foresight and frequently don't realize how problematic an article of clothing can become as the day wears on.

Bathing suits just have to fit for size and cover the appropriate areas. Little dude isn't into speedos and his sisters aren't in to string bikinis, so we don't really have any battles there. The girls prefer wearing board type shorts or spandex shorts and their swim tops because they're more comfortable and can maneuver easier. I'm cool with the fuller coverage.

[WolfpackWife]

See, what I got from the post was that he doesn't really have a roving eye, she's just projecting. Now maybe he does, in which case he's at fault. Then, there's a big difference between looking and acting on it.

I definitely see that she was projecting. I couldn't tell whether or not she's had issues with his wandering eye in the past, or what. I just hate how she makes it other women's responsibility to keep her marriage in tact or her insecurity at bay. It seems sad for her, her husband, and their marriage and kids. And she extrapolates it for all of society/all marriages? It feels to me like she's shaming women with self confidence. Or even women without self confidence who just happen to post photos of themselves in bathing suits. "But would you, could you, keep your boobs out of my marriage? You can have your memories, and we can have our sacred hearts. And we can all get along in beautiful harmony.Thanks, love. I think we’ll all be better for it."

It sounds like her best bet is to just remove herself and her husband from social media all together. That's what will protect her marriage.

[SuzySunshine]

Tara - as the mother of older girls, how exactly do you balance the need for modesty with their self expression? Because, seriously? I'd like to say no f-ing way will S be wearing a bikini. A 2 piece? Sure, if that is what she wants, and it is reasonable, but an itty bitty bikini makes me really uncomfortable. And it IS in part because it will garner her attention from creepers. It doesn't make it right, but it is a fact. I'm pretty sure that she will be find with something more modest, particularly once she realizes that you can't really swim in a bikini.

I'm not advocating pinafores either, to be clear. Although for myself, and everyone around me, a return to these might be a good thing.

https://flic.kr/p/7AVgmF

This! As a mother of a six year old girl I struggle with what to tell her when she asks why all of her friends are in bikinis and we won't let her get one...



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[HouseofWool]

This! As a mother of a six year old girl I struggle with what to tell her when she asks why all of her friends are in bikinis and we won't let her get one...



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For now, she wears the spandex swim shorts and a UV shirt to swim in. When we were picking one out for this year, I explained that she needed something that would cover her up and help protect her from getting a sunburn (hence no bikini tops) and as for the bottom, there wasn't much of a discussion other than saying it the smaller ones didn't cover her (ample) bottom. She's curvy at age 5, but is very proportional and NOT overweight at all. Really, they are the only ones with enough of a rise so that her butt crack doesn't show when she sits down.

[v-girl]

We have a no-bikini rule, but some of our friends have found a compromise that I think I'm okay with too — no bikinis around boys. Some of the one-pieces I saw when I took E swimsuit shopping are worse than a bikini though!


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[alotofyarn]

Ummm, wth?! She has some very serious insecurity issues that need help. Other women won't destroy her marriage, she will. Wow, that was just really sad to read.

Agree, 100%!

[Ladybug]

My kids wear bikinis. They're easier to go to the bathroom in. They wear both one piece and bikinis. It's the same handful of families at the pool every time and all the kids wear bikinis. I remember my mom saying I couldn't wear one until middle school. Then I couldn't wait and I expected something magical to happen when I put one on. Lol.

[Phoebe]

My girls all wear bikinis too. Well except the baby. I prefer tankinis because it covers more skin. However my kids refuse to wear them because all the other kids wear bikinis. I gave up that fight after my MIL kept buying bikinis when I told her not to

[samssugarmomma]

We don't do bikinis either. Our family is really fair skinned and I like to have them covered as much as possible to save their skin. I do allow -in fact I prefer-the suits that have a tshirt and regular bottom. And then I sunscreen the heck out of them! Lol

[samssugarmomma]

Re the article: wow! I hope this woman gets some help for her self esteem issues.

[peggyfromwastate]

The article: anyone catch the part where she says she wants to keep her hubs from getting tired about constantly reassuring her on her beauty? Sad, but it seems like if he's already "enough already you are beautiful!!" Then nothing might be fixed if he were to never see another immodest pic again.

As far as the great dress code debate. Ah yes...

Middle schools have done a good job of enforcing dress codes to the point where I'm grumbling about how strict they are. Shorts have to be no more than 4 finger widths above the knee. Those are longer than your typical Bermudas. It's just too much. Tank tops have to be basically cap sleave tops. About 4-5" in width at the strap.

High waisted shorts with crop tops are all the rage now, and dd18 wears this style. It flashes some midriff sometime. She has a teeny waist... I have no problem with it honestly. She looks fine- cute even.

We have never policed the clothes bc to do so would've caused huge huge fights. I don't buy clothes I don't like, and that pretty much takes care of it.

My son wears speedos bc he's a swimmer and they all do lol. At a waterpark I don't know. He'll wear board shorts if he could find any with a drawstring waist that he could cinch way up. Dd2 wears one piece competitive training suits almost exclusively. They are what she's comfy in. Dd1 wears a bikini and has insisted on this since middle school. We do not allow string bikini or really mature looking bikinis-- but they are bikinis. We are ok with it. In fact when dd1 was cutting for a while in 8th and 9th grade I was actually glad for the summer swim season bc the necessity to wear a bikini for her helped her stop cutting (along with lots of other things too of course.)

Ultimately dress code is one of those things I've never made a big battle about. To dh and me it just hasn't been the biggest deal ever. I am extremely modest, show no cleavage, and wore pretty much jeans and Tshirts throughout high school. I am kind of in a way proud that both of my teen daughters are confidant and self-assured enough to wear what they do. They aren't showing cleavage, and I will tell them to pull up their shirts if needed, but they wear cute clothes.

It's totally fine if anyone wants a strict dress code and it works for your family. You just have to figure out what you are comfortable with and what your kids feel comfortable in.

[houseelf]

I found this photo to be the definitive answer to the standard "shall not encite male lust" foundation for the dress code debate.

Do NOT open this link if you are at work.

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-c...-response-gmp/

Lol.