First Job Showers

[SoonerTexan]

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/valeri...b_4428778.html

A friend (actually recent law school grad--go her) posted this on Facebook. The resulting conversation was...interesting.

I don't disagree with the final point of the article but I still think it is misguided. I have other thoughts as well but no time to expand on them right now.

[alotofyarn]

I think it's an interesting idea. My parents told us we could have a down payment on a house or a big wedding - I chose the down payment and had a pretty small wedding, and I have zero regrets. My family has also been incredibly generous along the way - they bought me laptops, books, furniture, and even helped me buy a car to celebrate my PhD graduation, and they bought my expensive regalia (as expensive as some wedding dresses, although it does get worn more often than a wedding dress since I'm a faculty member). I sent out announcements for my high school and undergrad graduations and got plenty of gifts - more than for my wedding, I think. I did skip the announcements for the MS and PhD, as I felt like that might be a little bit excessive, although some people gave me gifts anyway.

Also, I think BB&B, Target, and other places are starting to do similar gift registries, especially for high school grads going off to college.

[corn poffi]

^^^this. I can't even count how many thousands of dollars I've spent on other people's weddings and babies. I actually can't even remember how many weddings I've been to. It's at least 70...and approx $100 per gift. And that doesn't include showers or bachelorette parties. Sheesh.

[Deebs]

I get my single friends ridiculous housewarming gifts (and repeat if they move). I've specifically told them it's because they've done/bought so much for me just because I'm married with kids.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Ladybug]

Interesting. Weddings and babies have become huge industries. It's emotionally-driven marketing. I would love to see us get back to the basics and focus more on the long-term goals of these launching points. Kids only get more expensive with their activities. Save and invest the money!

[MAPPLEBUM]

I had never thought of it as celebrating women in traditional versus professional roles though of course it's true. Either by temperament or age I ended up having no interest in spending money on shitty catered food on tons and a bunch of meaningless traditions/expectations. No thanks. I had a very small non traditional wedding of closest family members and was able to spend the rest of the week them chilling in the mountains. It was perfect, but even then when I reunite with an old friend or extended family member I feel bad that they weren't there to celebrate with me. It's a toss up. I wasn't able to think of a way to bypass the wedding industry AND have everyone there. A big after-the-fact celebration is just like a reception, too, without the vows. You just can't ask people to fly all across the country/world for a pig roasting in your back yard.

HOWEVER. It does irk me that my family makes ZERO mention of my biggest professional accomplishments and treat me like the best thing I ever did was marry my weird brilliant husband.

[OrionGrad]

I felt very uncomfortable with so many people buying us very expensive gifts when our son was born. I appreciated it very much, but I felt (and still feel) like we chose to have a baby so we should be the ones paying for that. This time around I've specifically told friends I don't want any kind of shower or "sprinkle." Most of our friends are residents, and I know they don't have tons of extra money to spend on baby gear.

[Ladybug]

I don't know that these are necessarily "traditional female" celebrations, but I can see what the author means. Historically, they are couples events, launching new (expensive) starts. Culturally, these are milestones are changing, and the sequence they are occuring in is also changing. It's interesting to think about it changing culturally celebrations too. I think any life celebration can become self-glorification. It's an equal opportunity lens.

I really like celebrations that pass on a sense of history and memories. Some family's and friends are giving us cuttings and bulbs to help plant our new homes yard. It will be neat to think of them when they bloom each year. I would throw my children a small "new job" celebration, but I wouldn't want guest to feel obligated to buy expensive gifts.

ETA is also interesting to think about celebrating achieving independence versus interdependence...

[houseelf]

Kind of a take off of this...

/tangent ahead/

My college friends and I recently were talking about the wedding industry and this same issue. Ironically, this group of recent 40-somethings all had enormous weddings in their day. I am the anomoly in this group, having spent $2,400 not including the engagement ring.

Anyway, since this groups' admittedly decadent season of weddings, these things have become even bigger. In the last decade engagement photos, bachelor/bachelorette trips, and save the date stationery has become de rigeur. What if instead some of these funds were put aside for marriage encounter weekends at intervals down the road? It is mildly surprising that churches, synagogues, and other houses of worship don't offer more marriage support after the fact. What if you received a card in the mail at your 5, 10, ....40 year mark that congratulated you and apprised you of an upcoming marriage encounter weekend or ongoing class or even just listed some resources available in the community? It just seems that we are getting further and further away from the purpose of a marriage.

While this sounds overly critical, I don't mean it to be. Spend your money however you want. Nonetheless, I'm just surprised more people haven't backed off of the gilded wedding, especially post recession. It's really rough out there.

/tangent over.

[Sheherezade]

I think the church or even the state would,have trouble finding us med spouses....we moved seven times across five states in our first fifteen years of marriage. That said, it's a nice idea. My reaction to the article followed a similar train of thought. Why isn't this former bridesmaid feeling the least bit responsible that her friends' marriages have fallen apart? Don't they ask all that are present to support this union? Her biggest bitch is "I invested money and you people didn't stay together". I'm sure they didn't divorce just to spite you, honey.

I'm not a fan of the huge wedding. We did a mid sized thingy, elegant but small. I'm sure I'll be shooting for that with my kids.

Angie