Interesting request on giftedness

[Pollyanna]

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/6047910

[spotty_dog]

"Losing our Minds" by Deborah Ruf is an interesting read that covers levels of giftedness. The profoundly gifted are different in so many ways, it's not just a linear "a little bit smarter than the rest of us" thing. I have mentioned I follow some message boards for parents of accelerated students, and there are so many stories like this with parents who are despairing of their children's chance at a normal future, between their sensitivities and challenges and their incredible intellect that overpowers that of almost anyone who might want to teach them.

Even individuals who are many times "less gifted" than those 145+ 99.9%ile individuals, at only around two standard deviations above average, have their struggles, especially if there are twice-exceptionalities involved -- but it's extremely difficult to discuss these kinds of problems. A parent can feel very lonely dealing with these issues, and if kids go to a public school that isn't meeting their academic needs, trying to decide how much to get involved with teachers and administration is a daily battle that no one understands, because if your kid is so smart won't you just be happy they do well in school?

I agree that if there was an exposé about the ethics of "creating" high-IQ offspring for people of normal intelligence, it was incomplete without a discussion of the downsides.

[SoonerTexan]

Really interesting.

I never was and am not on that level at all, but I was put in the gifted program in elementary school. Honestly, I hated it. I hated being different. I had A LOT of anxiety as a child--thankfully I worked through most of it. I left the gifted program entirely when I went to high school and don't regret it. Not saying that it is bad, but that is what this story reminds me of.

[diggitydot]

Our middle kiddo has been in gifted and talented ed since early elementary. She doesn't have issues with anxiety (that's older sis), but she absolutely has an atypical perspective and approach to things.

[PrincessFiona]

I think the downsides aren't touched on enough. I have one kiddo who tested there, and we've dealt with a variety of social/emotional stuff. There aren't a lot of discussions that hit on these topics.

Kris

[Pollyanna]

There aren't a lot of discussions that hit on these topics.

Kris

Very true. I think it's hard as a parent to start these discussions. We certainly knew dd20 was very smart, that she fit best with the other "gifted" kids (for the most part), but didn't know her other issues were tied together. When you start talking about these issues with other parents I think most of the time you get an eye roll. Hell, most of the time you get an eye roll from teachers doctors, etc.

I never was and am not on that level at all, but I was put in the gifted program in elementary school. Honestly, I hated it. I hated being different. I had A LOT of anxiety as a child--thankfully I worked through most of it. I left the gifted program entirely when I went to high school and don't regret it. Not saying that it is bad, but that is what this story reminds me of.

I think this is true that some children that test into gifted programs don't "fit". DS18 wanted absolutely nothing to do with that group. He is exceedingly bright but doesn't fit in that mold.

"Losing our Minds" by Deborah Ruf is an interesting read that covers levels of giftedness. The profoundly gifted are different in so many ways, it's not just a linear "a little bit smarter than the rest of us" thing. I have mentioned I follow some message boards for parents of accelerated students, and there are so many stories like this with parents who are despairing of their children's chance at a normal future, between their sensitivities and challenges and their incredible intellect that overpowers that of almost anyone who might want to teach them.

I'm going to check out that book!

[PrincessFiona]

Tara, it wasn't until he was diagnosed with Aspergers actually that professionals started talking about how the giftedness fit into that ... the anxiety, lagging behind emotionally and being ahead academically, the tantrums, the periods of great philosophical depression punctuated by "does consiousness exist?" etc. It isn't something I felt I could talk about with other parents because afraid of being judged negatively. We had a very poor response to Andrew here in the public schools. Because of the social issues and awkwardness, he was denied any advanced courses. When we moved him to the private school, they tested him and then fast-tracked him into advanced stuff. He would never have gotten his needs met in the public schools. It's really sad ... we were fortunate to have the means to put Andrew somewhere where they worked to meet his academic needs and understood both his awkwardness and social issues. They also were very helpful on the emotional end.

Kris

[Pollyanna]

Tara, it wasn't until he was diagnosed with Aspergers actually that professionals started talking about how the giftedness fit into that ... the anxiety, lagging behind emotionally and being ahead academically, the tantrums, the periods of great philosophical depression punctuated by "does consiousness exist?" etc. It isn't something I felt I could talk about with other parents because afraid of being judged negatively. We had a very poor response to Andrew here in the public schools. Because of the social issues and awkwardness, he was denied any advanced courses. When we moved him to the private school, they tested him and then fast-tracked him into advanced stuff. He would never have gotten his needs met in the public schools. It's really sad ... we were fortunate to have the means to put Andrew somewhere where they worked to meet his academic needs and understood both his awkwardness and social issues. They also were very helpful on the emotional end.

Kris

There is a school here that actually creates individualized curriculums based on the specific needs of each child. It's supposed to be amazing. It's of course also $30K/year.

[PrincessFiona]

See, that's just crazy. What are people supposed to do? It makes me mad.

If your kid is above average and generally the complete package, they get services. IEP's provide theoretical services for struggling kids. Kids at the top may in many cases really struggle to get needs met!

[ladymoreta]

My (state funded) magnet high school had a range of gifted students, and I saw all of these issues with my classmates. Getting there was almost like when Harry Potter arrives at Hogwarts and suddenly everything makes sense when he's with his people. I am nowhere near the top of the gifted range, so I didn't have the problems they did at their home high schools, but it was so amazing to have a whole school that was designed for gifted students where we weren't different anymore.

[spotty_dog]

I'm going to check out that book!

There is also a chapter in The Mislabeled Child by the Eides about giftedness as a source of learning challenges.

[MrsK]

This is where i am with K1. I've got several professionals telling me that he is profoundly gifted but too young to be IQ tested or tested for a gifted school program. The only way he gets services is by having an IEP for sensory issues. But as he's getting better at managing sensory issues and his fine motor deficits are almost negligible at this point, his qualifications for the IEP are diminished and he won't get services for SPD unless he has an IEP for giftedness. So now I need to argue for an IEP for the next three years until he is tested for gifted.

[Deebs]

Having gifted children is rally tough to complain about. Many parents want gifted kids and just don't seem to get it, at all. There are parents (at least everywhere we've lived) who will try to coach their kids for testing and have them retested if they don't qualify. Here's the secret - studying doesn't make one gifted! I think adding "and talented" to gifted programming has including more kids who are advanced, but also taken away from the highly gifted an environment where others get them and they can just be themselves.


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[houseelf]

My middle child *barely* makes the cut off for gifted, not the kind of range you all are talking about. I have noticed that even at this level of giftedness she has some of the paradoxes described like less emotional maturity and social awareness (Not off the charts, but she *definitely* skews young). I don't have a whole lot to add to this thread except for the validation that this experience has given me a lot of empathy for the hidden problems. No matter what concerns you are dealing with, well-intentioned individuals are like, "But she's reading fluently at barely 3!" She was on my radar a long time for being overly sensitive to things like noise, seams in clothing, etc. She has mostly grown out of it, but to say it was on my radar would be a polite understatement.

Parenting a gifted child is a lot like being a doctor's wife. Nobody wants to hear the complaints because the attribute is so coveted that it is believed to mask any detriments, no matter how painful or scary.