How secular family values measure up

[WolfpackWife]

This was posted on the Doc Spouse Current Events group, but I thought I'd bring it here for those of you who don't participate in FB.

http://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed...115-story.html

I thought this was a really interesting article, and one that makes me really happy.

I was raised Catholic, but in a weird way. I think due to my mom's culture (Italian), the Catholicism she was raised with and then raised us with was more superstitious/guilt-driven than it was devout, if that makes sense. We went through the motions of being Catholic, but never talked in depth about our faith or why we practiced it, etc. It was very robotic. My parents sent me to a private Catholic school and that didn't help my view of the Catholic church at all.

I fell away from religion, but for a while, DH and I both agreed (he, too, was raised Catholic-ish...doing the rituals and going to mass but not really being that in to it) that when we had a kid, we would baptize it, send it to CCD, etc. For this reason: to instill a sense of guilt that we'd both been instilled with that we felt kept us from some of the more negative behaviors we may have otherwise engaged in. We actually thought that forcing church or CCD onto a child would help them grow a moral compass, but we've since eschewed that idea and have no intention of doing any of that.

Disrespectfully or not, I do think I'd still have a baptism for my mother...for her sentimentality and the symbolism and the tradition that I know she respects. Maybe that's wrong, but I figure it can't hurt.

Do you think you can raise good, moral, ethical, kind people without religion?

[medpedspouse]

Do you think you can raise good, moral, ethical, kind people without religion?

Absolutely - no doubt in my mind - a resounding YES, yes, you can.


Religions (in my beliefs) have nothing to do with a list of dos and dont's. It is just about a relationship.

[WolfpackWife]

Religions (in my beliefs) have nothing to do with a list of dos and dont's. It is just about a relationship.

You must not have grown up Catholic

(No offense meant, seriously. That was just my experience with Catholicism).

[medpedspouse]

Haha. I actually went to elem private Catholic school with the "scary" nuns.

I grew up going to both protestant and Catholic churches. My dad is Catholic my mom Methodist. I went through protestant confirmation, college and now continue to attend the UMC. My younger sister chose the Catholic route and did 1st communion etc. We were encouraged to attend any church/faith/temple to foster that relationship. DH amd I still attend a Catholic community gathering even though we both grew up UM. Again, our experiences have never been about a list of dos or dont's.

[Vanquisher]

How secular family values measure up

Absolutely - no doubt in my mind - a resounding YES, yes, you can.


.

Absolutely this!!


Heidi

[Ladybug]

Why do you want to be moral? Its not a rhetorical question. To be socially accepted, to stay out of jail, to be liked, to nurture empathy, but why, and how does empathy truly serve you? In a lot of situations it's clearly advantageous to be dick. A lot of what we are are taught about good behavior, be nice, wait, patience, serve the other person is clearly to the benefit of others, not yourself. Empathy is important for successful relationships, but you learn it better through life experience more than dogma and CCD.

I don't think you need a religion to learn how to behave in socially encouraged ways. Religion has centuries of experience and millions of people structuring those formations and educational programs. They benefit, as would any pursuit, from the focused efforts of many experts, teachers and resources and those can be shared with the millions. You can "homeschool" just as easily.

I've been all over the place with my own religion. I was raised catholic much like you. I went through the motions and fell away after I left home. But when life became terribly dark and hard my faith literally kept me alive. My transition from an immature faith (ritualistic, fearful, rebellious) into a fullness of faith (trust, hope and love) was difficult. I went through my own dark night of the soul to come out on the other side. My religion was a pathway, an invitation, to this place. I'm not giving my kids rules, but an invitation...hope. Hope is what gets you out of bed each day when everything in the world says there is no point.

This has been my path and journey, and we're inviting our kids to along with us. I don't think it's impossible to find this path, this encounter and relationship, without religion. As they say, anything is possible with God. I do know, however, you have to actively seek this encounter. For a lot of people religion provides a doorway and support. That's religions true purpose, not socially motivated, or currently defined moral behaviors. Of course, I realize religion is grossly abused to achieve these social means through fear, but I kicked.its.ass inside my heart and I'm bringing Catholic back for my own kids.

[bobk]

I agree with the others. It's very possible to raise children according to your values in a non-religious way and there are plenty of organizations that can provide a community to support them.

That being said, don't be so quick to discard the religion you were raised in. It's worth taking an earnest approach to it as an adult. I was fortunate to discover Eastern Christianity (Orthodoxy or Byzantine Rites within Catholicism). It's less about rules and takes a more holistic approach, yet is still demanding in many positive ways.

[LynnAlicia]

Thanks for posting this article! My grandpa and mom talk about this a lot, so I will share it with them. My mom has said multiple times "why aren't my children religious? Where did I go wrong?" My response is that yeah we went to church, but we never talked about it at home. We prayed together like maybe once, on 9/11 before dinner. That's it. So obviously I didn't think it was important to my parents since they didn't talk about it....

[medpedspouse]

Ladybug, I could have written this...ok, not really for you are way more articulate. .

"But when life became terribly dark and hard my faith literally kept me alive. My transition from an immature faith (ritualistic, fearful, rebellious) into a fullness of faith (trust, hope and love) was difficult. I went through my own dark night of the soul to come out on the other side. My religion was a pathway, an invitation, to this place. I'm not giving my kids rules, but an invitation...hope. Hope is what gets you out of bed each day when everything in the world says there is no point."

[SoonerTexan]

How secular family values measure up

I agree with others on the original question.

Interesting notes about Catholicism though. We went (and still go) every Sunday and holy day, but I don't think that is why I am a "hard core" Catholic. It was at the center of our lives and discussed all the time growing up. My mom made sure we understood the teachings and history.

She grew up as the second of 4 children in an Italian Catholic family. My grandparents are still Catholic but my mom is the only one of their children that is. I'm not really sure what pushed her to explore her faith further when her siblings didn't.

Also interesting...the US Catholic Church has pretty much owned up that they have done an awful job with catechesis post Vatican II and are making efforts to change that.