10 things you need to give up to be a doctor

[PrincessFiona]

http://forum.facmedicine.com/threads...-doctor.16769/

[medpedspouse]

ITA
Medicine, even when we began, was totally different than what it is now and becoming.

[Thirteen]

Church. *sigh*


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[MrsC]

I opened that article hoping there would be one or two that weren't true for us. Nope, all true.

[PrincessFiona]

Depressing!

[WolfpackWife]

Jesus, I would kill to read ANYTHING about the pros of having a medical career/being married to a doctor. ANYTHING that isn't so fucking bleak and a reminder of all the ways this career strips you of everything you thought you were/wanted. (Not your fault, in order to read something like that it would have to be written first which obviously isn't the case). It's to the point now where if I'd known a fraction of this before getting into it, I would have begged DH to pursue a PhD or...I would have had to seriously consider whether or not we should have gotten married. It's so fucking sad.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

Church. *sigh*

Yup. Although we have a "trifecta" going on - loud toddler (just ask T&S- H has some lungs!), lack-luster Catholic community, and residency. The first two are really killer.

A lot of the ones on the list (maybe half) didn't apply because they were never things that mattered to us.

[Thirteen]

Jesus, I would kill to read ANYTHING about the pros of having a medical career/being married to a doctor. ANYTHING that isn't so fucking bleak and a reminder of all the ways this career strips you of everything you thought you were/wanted. (Not your fault, in order to read something like that it would have to be written first which obviously isn't the case). It's to the point now where if I'd known a fraction of this before getting into it, I would have begged DH to pursue a PhD or...I would have had to seriously consider whether or not we should have gotten married. It's so fucking sad.

You get us, man. We're pretty awesome!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[GreyhoundsRUs]

Jesus, I would kill to read ANYTHING about the pros of having a medical career/being married to a doctor. ANYTHING that isn't so fucking bleak and a reminder of all the ways this career strips you of everything you thought you were/wanted. (Not your fault, in order to read something like that it would have to be written first which obviously isn't the case). It's to the point now where if I'd known a fraction of this before getting into it, I would have begged DH to pursue a PhD or...I would have had to seriously consider whether or not we should have gotten married. It's so fucking sad.

Honestly, I think every profession has shit. DH and I both love our lives (overall). Once he starts fellowship, he will be doing what he really is passionate about (spine surgery). Right now, residency is just another one of the hoops. I haven't ever really thought, "I wish he never chose medicine". There are days (or weeks or months, thanks to certain rotations) when I miss him or he misses seeing the girls (not once this week) and it's sad, but part of the job. If he were a high school teacher, he would probably coach and be home late. If he were a computer programmer, he would stay up too late doing work, which would bother me. Just like anything in life, it's easier to kvetch than praise (not you, the people who write these articles).

[WolfpackWife]

You get us, man. We're pretty awesome!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

That's true, and I am very grateful for that. It's just a really tough pill to swallow (and keep swallowing over and over and over) because nothing is going to change in medicine and it's very likely that it's just going to get worse. It's not what I wanted for a life with a partner so it's tough to reconcile that and figure out a new vision. It makes me resentful to have to sacrifice my marriage and my husband's well being and mental and physical stability for a profession that is so wholly unforgiving and wretched and negative and soul-sucking....especially when "doctor" is usually synonymous with helpful and healing.

[WolfpackWife]

Just like anything in life, it's easier to kvetch than praise (not you, the people who write these articles).

That's true. I know you're right.

[Mrs. MD, Esq.]

Jesus, I would kill to read ANYTHING about the pros of having a medical career/being married to a doctor. ANYTHING that isn't so fucking bleak and a reminder of all the ways this career strips you of everything you thought you were/wanted. (Not your fault, in order to read something like that it would have to be written first which obviously isn't the case). It's to the point now where if I'd known a fraction of this before getting into it, I would have begged DH to pursue a PhD or...I would have had to seriously consider whether or not we should have gotten married. It's so fucking sad.

In all honesty, I don't think it's been that bad...but there are a few large differences for me. DH is radiology and has a fairly decent amount of free time (this may change); I like moving, I think it's a fun adventure; I work full time, so we're not dependent on his income alone and I'm very independent/into "me" time; and it has give us the opportunity to live in and visit really interesting places.

DH's work is generally interesting. He doesn't love some of the passive aggression he sees in radiology/physicians and the politics of academia but he loves to figure stuff out. I wouldn't go back and steer him another direction of I had the chance but, again, I think we have had a unique experience. Even when we changed from surgery because DH didn't like where our lifestyle was headed, we were met with understanding and grace (which seems to be extremely rare).

I realize that we are extremely lucky because I have seen it go the exact opposite (and terrible) way. It's not that DH's road had been perfect, but we've definitely lucked out in a lot of ways.

[WolfpackWife]

Mrs.MD - I'm glad your journey has been a largely positive one. I'm just angry when I read stuff like that, and yes, I should avoid it. I just keep thinking I'll stumble upon something that's positive and constructive about the career...but that kind of thing doesn't garner a lot of attention no matter where it's posted. And yes, I also approach a lot of stuff with the assumption that it's all going to be horrible and a huge disappointment. And then articles like that or comments here or elsewhere reinforce it...but there's a lot I can do to taper my intake of that stuff - I can choose to not read it! I just let myself vent a bit because it's frustrating and seemingly getting worse. I want better for my husband and myself and whatever our future may hold and sometimes it seems like that's asking waaaay more than medicine can ever give us.

Not trying to hijack/make this about me - I just had a little outburst...sorry about that!

[MrsC]

I wanted to add that while I think these things are true for us, they're not whole truths.
We are not wealthy but we manage our money well. We are able to afford certain luxuries, saving for retirement and our kids college, more so than most people I know.
DH doesn't have every weekend off but gets 3 of 4 off or 2 on a rough month.
He gets to be creative through research and loves it.
He does his absolute best to put his family first and the time we have together is quality time. We don't take it for granted.

[poky]

1. Your desire to be wealthy

Not important to us, and is specialty-dependent, location-dependent, and lifestyle-dependent, and also dependent on your definition of "wealthy", anyway. You're not very likely to be struggling financially, at least, once through training (though that can happen with a bad mix of specialty and location).

2. Your desire to change the world

You're MORE likely to be able to do this as a doctor than as a lot of other things, and regardless of whether or not you become a household name for curing cancer, you WILL "change the world" for many patients along the way.

3. Your free weekends

DH has one completely free weekend per month right now, but lots of other random days off. It was worse during some med school and PGY1 rotations, and it was better the first two years of med school and will be better again with an attending schedule. This is also specialty-dependent. EM is a rough schedule, but tends to make up for it with more time off (and no call); there are a few specialties that are pretty much weekdays. Being a doctor does NOT have to mean never having a free weekend again.

4. A good nights sleep

This depends, as well; DH's schedule is all over the place, but he gets decent sleep. I think no call (thanks, EM), and no kids (sleeping during the day works fine) helps with this.

5. Your desire to avoid feeling like a fool

Yeah, this one's probably unavoidable, but 'feeling like a fool' is hardly the end of the world, either. Abuse from attendings can be brutal, but it seems to (hopefully) be on the downswing, too.

6. Your desire to always put friends and family first

This one is hardly unique to medicine, though it's got that little extra push of "I'm saving lives", of course.

7. Your desire to please everyone

Again, hardly unique to medicine.

8. Your creativity

This might be true during training, but doesn't have to be true afterwords.

9. Your desire to stay in one place / live close to friends and family

Yup. Unless you're REALLY lucky, this one's a bitch, and it's slightly more true of medicine than some other careers. Again, though, it tends to be more true during training, though of course there are specialties that don't give you many options, and others that give you more.

On the other hand, moving is definitely an adventure, and experiencing new parts of the country (and world) is pretty cool, and not something a lot of jobs afford.

10. Good health

This doesn't have to be true, but it's really easy for it to be, for sure.