What would you do?

[DCJenn]

OK, I'm walking home with the dog this afternoon. I have to walk past what is commonly referred to as "a housing project". While I'm walking past, a car stops and about 7 prepubescent boys get out of a car and then threw their Burger King bags in the street. I stopped and asked them if they weregoing to pick them up- and of course they ignored me. I walked away but turned around and asked them again. OF course, they thought that was really funny.

So, I looked at them straight in the eyes and said, "you know, that's really sad." and I picked up the bags and threw them in the trash can (no more then 50 feet away)

But what I really wanted to do and follow them home and say to whomever is raising these boys, "what the F?" Do you care so little for your world that you're raising these children to have no respect for anything?" Except that I already knew the answer-

So- my fellow debate team, what would you have done?

Jenn

[SueC]

Being the spineless wimp that I am, I probably wouldn't have said anything! Teenagers have gotten so bad these days that I'm terrified any one of them could be sporting a gun, knife, etc. Good for you for at least trying to correct them!

Those damn kids!
Since I'm 30 now, I would probably point out to them that they missed the trashcan and point in its direction. Then I probably would have just picked it up myself.

[Meenah]

I'm with Sue on this one, I stand in the wimp corner.
Luanne

[BonBon]

Count me in with Sue and Luanne. If it were a bunch of 5 year olds then I would say something. teenagers? No way. Even though those boys were preteens, confronting 7 is too much for this wussburger.

[Flynn]

I taught some really hard cases while I was a high school teacher so I tend to say what I think to young people being inapropriate -- not such a good idea sometimes but oh well. I recentlly told a young girl the other day who was spewing profanity to her friend at the coffee place I frequent that she was much too pretty too use that kind of language (kill em with compliments) and I wondered if she could try not using it in public? She actually was kind of sweet to me and was shocked I was annoyed! The words that came out of her mouth!!!!! I blushed just listening to her!!!

I would never have said anything to seven teenagers (male?) other than glare at them. It's WAY too risky these days and I have too much to loose. I would have put the trash away though and said a prayer that my kid(s) never turn out like that.

The sad thing is, if that's the worst they do, they are probably doing ok considering the idea that they most likely don't get much parental supervision. Does that make it ok? Heck no!!!

It's a sad comment on "family."

[Auspicious]

I would glare but not say anything. And I would try to make it a glare that said "you're being an asshat, and deep down even you know it." You know? That look.

In my experience it's good to give some kind of reaction that will whither them a little, but if you provoke an actual response from them, it gives them the chance to sort of find their voice and solidify their position (i.e. "I can litter and you can't stop me.") plus they usually have to up the bravado a notch at that point to save face.

Basically, in my experience, most of the time if it's a stranger in a public place being a "bad citizen," silent hostility is more effective than outright confrontation.

[fluffhead]

I used to pick up people's discarded soda cans and paper, and chase them to return it to them. I think I almost gave a couple folks heart attacks, as I was a kind of scary looking guy.
What really makes me crazy is the rampant tossing of cigarette butts on streets and sidewalks, like this stuff isn't littering. Think of all the fish who end up with this stuff after it washes out the storm sewers. I used to flash my brights at cars after the driver would toss his cig out the window, until it was pointed out to me that they probably are so used to doing it, they don't understand why I'm flashing them. The auto companies, imho, are mostly to blame, after making "smokers packages" an option on cars, so very few people have ashtrays in their autos these days.
However, castigating "teenagers" as the culprits is inaccurate. I think they're all learning it from their parents. You see just as many BMWs, pickups, and minivans tossing stuff from their cars as you do teens walking on the street or in malls. In fact, if anybody is more aware of "act locally" it's the young folk.
And in terms of public profanity, I've got tennis courts near my backyard where the ADULTS are cursing up a storm, and I have to take my daughter inside to shield her from this stuff, and the other day in the bakery, the local coffee-drinking cops were talking a blue streak, while I had to close her ears. I rarely hear teens using that language at that volume.

Those damn kids!

Just to clarify...I was saying that tongue in cheek.

Re-reading this, I see it was 7 teenagers. I might not have said anything but just picked it up with the intent of them seeing me.

Fluff, my neighbor had a bumpersticker on her car that said "The Earth is not Your Ashtray".

[PrincessFiona]

Jenn...I think that was awfully brave! 8) I think I would have just averted my eyes and snuck away out of fear of being...shot or something. Good for you for speaking up!

kris

[DCJenn]

Fluff- I still pick up trash and stuff in my neighborhood. It's just annoying. One day I was walking to the track in my parent's neighborhood (at the high school) and I went home and got a trash bag- I ended up with some humongous number of cans. As it's the only road in and out to get to the high school, I sent a letter to the editor of the local newspaper, and I copied the high school principal.

I live in a really wierd part of DC, too. It was all redone in the 1960's and it was supposed to promote 'upward mobility' but allit has done is promote isolation. There are housing projects immediately adjacent to condos that are selling for close to a million dollars. There are elementary schools and there are liquor stores on not all but quite a few corners.

The developers make no bones about the fact that they are more than willing to pay top dollar for the properties that are currently housing projects- and the neighborhood associations are all for it as well. I think mixed use housing is a positive step- study after study has shown that actual home ownership promotes community integration.

I don't know, it's just really frustrating to watch yet another generation of inner city kids flounder. There are some very positive things that go one here- mentoring, after school programs, sports groups, etc.

I am actually planning on buying a crap load of school supplies and giving them to the elementary school and junior high in the neighborhood. Maybe that will help in some small way.

Jenn

[Auspicious]

Upon further consideration, I think I wouldn't always give the silent glare. It would depend on my mood and exactly what kind of vibe was coming off the kids. Saying something to them ("Oh, there's a garbage can right over there" as though maybe they just didn't realize that) and ignoring it are also distinct possibilities.

This thread has been interesting food for thought, in that now I've been noticing more what all the thousand factors are that govern these little interactions. For example, a biggie would be if it's on the street vs. on the subway. And the worst is when kids do that stuff and the parent is right there, because then there's some sort of unwritten rule that you can't say something, even if you would have said something about the same behavior if the kid were alone.

I totally understand your frustration. Having taught in inner city Chicago, I've seen so many kids going the wrong path. Unfortunately, priorities are different with many families in these neighborhoods. These kids had free lunches and could not afford school supplies yet they come wearing the newest basketball shoes or bring a huge bag of hot cheetos and soda (only) for lunch.

That is not to say that you should not donate the school supplies. These kids really do need them. (The teachers will really appreciate it) . Most schools are really lacking in supplies in general.

Whenever I see kids outside of the classroom acting up, I have to bite my tongue. I have realized that these kids will not listen to you until you have gained their respect. It took me many months to get seven year olds to realize that I was on their side. Once I had their trust they became very loving and open to your ideas but I must say that teaching them to be socially responsible sometimes feels like a losing battle. You literally have to deprogram them from a certain way of thinking that they have learned from home. When you criticize some of their actions, you are also criticizing that they have learned from their parents.

The tough act starts as early as kindergarten so I applaud you for talking to those older kids. Unfortunately I have seen to many situations go bad so I keep my lectures to the kids inside my classroom who are smaller than me

[mommax3]

7 teenagers, in front of a housing project. 8O No, I wouldn't have said anything, or even glared, and this is coming from a woman who waddled her pregnant self into the middle of a fist-fight between two eighth-graders in order to break it up, and took a knife away from another eighth-grader who was brandishing it and threatening to use it on another student. In those cases, I was too angry (and perhaps too young and stupid!) to consider my actions ahead of time......but the thing that was on my side was that I KNEW the kids, and there were other adults close by that would have heard me scream if it had been necessary.

7 is a big enough number that a mob-type mentality could kick in and I just wouldn't chance it if I were by myself. But you go, girl! Just be careful.

Sally