Wedding Gift Registries?

[DCJenn]

Oh, thank yous could be a whole rant on it's own.

We have never recieved a written thank you from ONE of Rick's nieces or nephews for any gift- XMas, Graduation, weddings (um, the ones that got married before they graduated from high school only got wedding gifts). Meanwhile I'm mad at myself because Nikolai received a silver dollar from a great-great aunt that belonged to his great-great grandmother and I'm a more than a month out from when we got it. (Actually I wrote it this morning, I'll have it in the mailbox by the end of the day today!)

I'm actually planning on getting Nikolai some stationery when he's older for him to get a little bit excited about sending think-yous. Not an option in this household!! they WILL be sent.

Jenn

First, about the Thank You's, I agree, they need to be sent. Last summer we had six good friends get married. Only ONE bothered to send a thank you. We had spent around $50/gift. It sure doesn't sound like a lot, but on a med student budget, with me not working and with six weddings to attend it adds up fast and we had to give stuff up to make it work. It eats me up. I have DD send thank you's now, when coloring we draw a picture for a certain person and it gets included in the card I write.

Okay, about the registeries, I think they are a great guideline. I will happily buy off the list if I find something I like and that is in my price range. I often don't know what people want/need/like, and the registry is a life saver. I can also usually get an idea about what the person likes by looking their registry over. If I want to go off the list, I then have somewhere to look for ideas, even if it is just finding out what color their bathroom is so I can look for some framed art. I do agree that the register-er should keep in mind that not everyone can afford an $85 meat fork.

I also disagree with the friend who said "no" to the quilt. I would have loved to have received something like that.

[Rapunzel]

Holy crap! I just realized that I haven't received a single thank you for ANY of the wedding gifts I have given recently! My brother just got married last summer (almost a year ago to the date) and Jon and I gave him a large, three-figure sum of money to spend on his honeymoon (trust me, with how much $$ those two had that was a HUGE gift for them and still is). Haven't heard a word about it now that I think about it! Good grief! My own brother!

Anyway, I got a bunch of cheapy gifts when I got married as well. I no longer own any of them (except for this sandwich maker that Jon has inexplicably decided he "loves" - weird). They all fell apart, broke, or were kind of useless to begin with over the last 10 years. Sad but true. I have a beautiful full set of Noritake china (12 place settings and more serving pieces than I know what to do with!) but I got that after Jon's grandmother died and left it to him about two years into our marriage. Go figure.

Jennifer

Don't have much to add, but couldn't resist chiming in on this one. I agree with those who see registries as a helpful suggestion -- not a straightjacket. As to pricing on the registry, ideally it should have a range of prices -- so that more people can find it helpful.

But, IMHO there's nothing wrong with some expensive items. And expensive and worthwile are always in the eyes of the beholder. Cousin Sally might be thrilled to purchase an $85 meat fork and consider it an inexpensive gift given her relationship with the bride and her financial situation. Sally might like the thought of giving something permanent, used at festive occasions and already deemed useful by the bride. Also, I think it's unfair to the bride (and groom) to assume they didn't want or wouldn't appreciate gifts off the registry simply because they registered and to buy something from the registry and resent them for it. Also, the couple can't be responsible for whom among the invitees will actually choose to and / or be able to attend the wedding. I was really touched by some original artwork made by a friend even though we had a registry when we got married two years ago. We didn't expect anyone to get us anything at all or in anything in particular.

Oddly enough, it was important to me to register for fine china. DW liked the pattern we picked and we had a registry that had a lot of different price points. DW freaked out when she realized the price of our china increased AFTER we registered. I was disappointed that that occured but not as mortified as my wife was. At one point, she wanted to abandon the pattern but I just loved it and held firm. Also, my thought process was as follows -- we provided range of prices (other than the china that increased in price), people were always free to buy or not to buy, we had no control over the escalation of the price, etc., etc. But most importantly, I knew we weren't greedy or incapable of appreciating an original gift and I trusted that folks who knew us would know that and would give us what they wanted - if anything at all.

[SuzySunshine]

This has to be one of the funniest debates we've ever had. We registered when we got married three years ago and I'm glad that people do because I'm terrible with gifts. With that said I think if you're good at a craft and its a practical craft there is NOTHING to say that you can't do that instead. We received a beautiful quilt from my grandmother and a beautiful afghan from my husband's aunt. They both have more meaning to us then most of our registry gifts but the registry gifts were things that we need and actually use. We also received a gorgeous pair of antique candle holders from one of my DH's best friends and his note said "because all of the good things on your registry were taken". We didn't mind at all - they have real character.

With all of this said I think the etiquette on registries is getting a little outrageous. Last time I checked with Ms. Emily Post there wasn't to be any mention of registries in invitations of any kind. If people want to know it should be passed by word of mouth, including registry information is tacky, in my opinion.

Happy gifting!

[PrincessFiona]

Intersting.

I guess since we didn't have a registry when we got married (we were in germany and it isn't acustom there) registries just seem unusual to me. I guess I've been put in my place though .

kris

[Rapunzel]

I guess I've been put in my place though

BAM!

That's the sound of you being smacked-down, Kris! :>

Jennifer

[PrincessFiona]

Not the first time...and certainly not the last!

I agree about the thank-yous! A thank you by phone or in person is just fine too -- it doesn't have to be a letter. What bothers me is sending something by mail.....and then hoping they got it. If they didn't, I'd sure like to set that straight with the merchant.

I like registries but don't consider them to a be a hard and fast rule. I really appreciate it when people register for gifts in a nice range of prices.

I usually only buy off of registries if I don't really know the people....or if I don't care about them enough to spend time looking for a meaningful gift. We registered for our wedding, but only because MIL insisted on it. To tell the truth, my absolute favorite wedding gifts were those that were not bought off of our registry...a quilt made by a good friend, a painting that my uncle commissioned for us....so much more meaningful than a blender or set of towels. We did receive some off the wall gifts, but we didn't care because we were appreciative of everything we received.

I think it's pretty tacky when people include those registry cards in with the invitations....especially when they throw in 3 or 4 of them! Not sending thank you notes is also very tacky and ticks me off...especially when I gave the couple a gift from their registry!

[Vishenka69]

We live in the area where wedding registries are used for either engagement parties or showers and everyone brings cash to the wedding. The registries also tend to be much smaller because there are much less people invited to showers than weddings. I have seen some ridiculous ones though (Michael C. Fina, Tiffany's, William Sonoma) and superficially englarged shower invite list to get more gifts. But I agree that registries are a great idea.

Kris, our relatives in Europe also thought that it was obnoxious that we had one.

[lilponygirl]

I have a confession to make. DH and I never sent out wedding thank you's but we had a good reason (well, not good, but you'll see what I mean). When we moved into our new apartment we had three piles of stuff....one to go to my parents' basement, one to go to the dumpster, and one yet to sort through. Well, one day dh decided to finally clean up this mess, of which I was very grateful, BUT...that was the last time I saw the bag with our thank you notes AND the "who-got-us-what" list. The only thing I can think of happening is it got mixed in with the "to the dumpster" stuff. Needless to say I felt horrible....I mean, we had already put off sending them, and now I had no idea who to even send them to! So, I did the only thing I could think of and sent a "blanket" thank you in our Christmas letter. I hope I included everyone, but to be honest, I can't even be sure who all came to the wedding!

I think registries are useful if you are just buying something, not giving a special gift. I had one waaaay back in the stone age 80's when I got married the first time. Its how I got the dinner service for 6 that I am trying to unload.

Some people are just very specific about gifts, and freak if you deviate. At least it lessens the multiple toasters.