What is a parent's responsibility to their child....

[PrincessFiona]

for educational purposes.

Thomas and I have been having some interesting discussions with other parents. He and I basically feel that we should be responsible for their entire undergraduate education. Yes, student loans are available, etc...but the rising cost of education coupled with the decreased value of a bachelor's degree today in terms of financial earning power really has us feeling that the minimum that we owe each of our children now is a bachelor's degree. The kids should have to work in the summer to save up for incidentals, but we feel that tuition and on-campus housing should be our responsibility. Anything beyond that can be theirs.

Gone are the days of the $27.50/credit hour tuition. Our state university here is the cheapest in the state and they're up to $160/credit hour...plus outrageous fees per credit hour for every little thing. Attending a more reputable university would put them into more debt than would be worth paying back on a salary that they could earn with a bachelor's degree. We want to provide them a sense of individual responsibility for the extras but with a relatively debt-free start at least when they get done with ugrad.

It appears we are in the minority around here in our views. How do you guys feel? If money were no object (which is not the case here, btw in case you are getting the wrong idea!) would you finance your child's ugrad coursework?

kris

[houseelf]

I *hope* that I can do this for my children. The best expenditures that we have ever made are for eduational endeavors.

If I'm honest, however, we may have to do some sort of step down by offering to pay the equivalent of in-state tuition, room and board, books, and a small, small living stipend. Anything above and beyond will have to be financed through scholarships, loans, grants, working, etc.

This is my wish and I hope that we can do it.

Kelly

[mommax3]

I feel the same as you, Kris, and would even kick in some assistance during grad school if we are able. My family was very poor when I was growing up, but due to academic and vocal performance scholarships, I got a full ride to a private liberal arts school that was my number one choice. I struggled to have money for "incidentals" and worked at a variety of different jobs as I was able, but I never worried about not being able to afford to finish my degree. It was such a gift.....college broadened my horizons and allowed me to see a very different world than I had known existed. DH also went to a liberal arts school and feels much the same about that kind of education....we definitely want this for our kids. I am sure they won't get any financial aid, but hopefully we will be able to do this for them. I would love for them to graduate from college (and grad school, if they choose) with very little in the way of loans to pay back.

Sally

Absolutely - we will cover what they do not earn in scholarships -- at the very least. If we can afford to, we will also help with whatever postgraduate education they choose to pursue. It will not be carte blanche - they don't get to screw around on our dime, but my belief is as long as we can afford it, we will do it.

That was one of the huge draws of UPenn (the other major job consideration for us). The Path dept. there offers what they call the "golden handcuffs". Your kid gets to go to UPenn for 60% of tuition, and the Path dept. pays the other 40%. Or, your kid can go ANYWHERE else, and Penn will pay 40%of the tuition - and the Path dept pays the other 60%. We decided it wasn't enough to take less starting salary, higher cost of living, etc. If we were there for 10 years and left, we'd never have used the benefit (hence, the golden handcuffs).

Yes, I think if they can, parents should be pay for their child's undergraduate education.

The bachelor's or associates degree has mostly replaced a high school diploma for just about everything, and is more competitive than ever.

[houseelf]

Wow, this is interesting, we must be a group of individuals who value education. I believe that Kris is right, this sentiment is an anomaly.

Kelly

[Vanquisher]

I will finance my kids undergrad coursework as I have told them that college is not optional.

Having had to pay for college myself and being in the depths of humungous piles of debt because of education, I can attest to the fact that it bites ass, and I want my kids to be able to focus on their education and not the stress of money.

When I was in college, I had jobs. My freshman year I sold plasma for extra money. In the summer, I got married. My sophomore year, I got pregnant. No more plasma donations, but we lived on rolling pennies, macaroni and cheese, and Ramen noodles. I don't think it made me stronger or wiser, it just made me poorer, and I have still not recovered from it.

[Auspicious]

My husband's parents did not help him pay for college, and dude he is still bitter about it. Their income and assets disqualified him from receiving any financial aid. The system isn't really set up for 18-year-olds to be on the hook for full sticker price college attendance--it's designed so that middle class and above kids are covered by their parents, and lower class kids get financial aid. If your parents have money but
won't give it to you, you're screwed by the system.

Husband insists that we pay for our kids' undergrad. And he also worked way too many hours in high school and insists our kids not do this. I had to talk him into the idea that working a few hours a week is good for a teenager.

Paying for education is the main reason that he is resistant to having three kids, and wants to stop at two. (We both agree that the 2 vs. 3 thing is yet to be decided.)

My undergrad was paid for by a combination of me working, me borrowing the max allowed me in Stafford loans (graduated with 18.5K in debt, which I paid off in six years by scrimping hard), a number of scholarships--3K here, 1K there, write an essay win some money type of things--and then my parents covered the rest. This was a strain for both me and them but I think it was wise and fair.

So, I think our opinions on this are heavily influenced by our own experiences. And I think we'll probably do for our kids close to what my parents did for me. We plan that our kids will probably

(A) work 10 hrs/week or so during high school and full-time in the summer throughout hs and college
(B) borrow a significant but not crushing amount
(C) strive for scholarship money

and then we'll cover the rest. I hope.

[migirl]

I also fully plan to finance our kids' educations as much as possible. Both DH and I had our undergrad and graduate educations paid for by our respective sets of parents. We both realize how fortunate we are to (1) not have had to work during school and (2) not have loans to pay off when we're trying to make a start in life. College will not be an option in this house either; if they'd like to do graduate school, then that's up to them and we will pay to the extent possible.

It is interesting how we all seem to agree on this issue... I work with a guy who paid for his college via the military (and is still paying off his wife's student loans) who is adamant that his kids aren't getting a dime from him and will pay their own way because he had to do it too. I don't necessarily agree with his reasoning, but recognize that not everyone values education to the extent that we do.

[mommax3]

I have to add that I didn't mean that my kids will never work. I babysat, worked at both Dairy Queen and Baskin-Robbins, worked for a cleaning service that cleaned dept. stores EARLY in the morning, was part of an outdoor painting crew for two summers, gave private lessons, and directed a children's choir through my college years, and I think it was good for me. I just saw so many of my friends work so hard in high school and college that they missed a lot of the "hidden curriculum" in both of those experiences, (and no, I don't mean the drunken debauchery!! ) and I want my kids to be able to participate in extra-curricular activities (musical, sports, mission trips or school trips, etc.) because they are just as much a part of their education as are their actual classes, IMO.

My mom actually did not want me to work during the school year when I was in high school, except for babysitting, even though we were very poor, and I appreciate that. It was hard, living in a college town (Purdue) to work only during the summers because the students could and did work all year around. That was the reason for the varied list of jobs I had!

Sally

[JaneDoe]

DH and I plan to pay for our children's undergraduate education. In fact, we have already opened a 523 plan for our dd, although we are not regularlly contributing to it. That is one of our financial goals once DH starts his "real job" is to start making monthly payments to dd's college fund.

My parents paid for my undergraduate education, but I paid for law school with loans. Dh's grandfather gave him a hefty chunk money for school, which paid for his undergraduate education and a small portion of medical school. The majority of his medical school, however, was paid for with student loans.

Especially since our law school/med school loans are now in repayment, I truly appreciate the gift of our undergraduate educations given to us by our families. I really want to do the same for my children and not have them emerge from college weighted down with a lot of debt. As someone pointed out earlier, it's not if my children go to college, it's when.

[DCJenn]

We have not really come to a meeting of the minds on this one-

I was given my undergraduate education by my parents- and I didn't qualify for financial aid until my last year. It was hugely expensive and the school raised tuition every year I was there. It was something like 20000 my senior year and that was in 1988!!!

Grad school was on me, and I financed it with loans, a graduate assistant job, working 20 hours a week at the chocolate factory and driving a van for people with disabilities every morning.

My husband is one of the Army success stories (in fact he was approached about speaking publicly about his experiences). Tried the community college thing after hs, realized that he couldn't do it and enlisted in the Army. Jumped out of planes for two years but once they realized that he wrote better than the Captain, he was made the Company Clerk for the last two years. Got out, finished his AA degree while doing National Guard. Went to UCSB for two years and went to work in their lab while applying to medical schools- was accepted by USUHS and here we are 10 years later. It IS something to be proud of. He was one of only two people in his residency to have been enlisted and I think it helped him relate to the soldiers or conversely for them to relate to him. So...he totally doesn't get why I think it's important for us to at least be able to offer Nikolai the opportunity to go to undergrad on us.

I do think it's important to give back so if Nikolai wants to join the Peace Corps or AmeriCorps or the military- before or after college- I'm all for it. I just want to be able to say, "if you want to go to _____ school- we've got you covered.

So- this remains to be hammered out. Talk to me in 15 years when it'll be a little closer to happening.

Jenn

PS- I did open a 529 for N. though.

If your parents have money but won't give it to you, you're screwed by the system. .

That's where I was. My dad grew up in a priveledged life, went to prep school, and his parents paid for college (and offered to pay for more, but dad didn't want to go). He pretty much turned out to be a self-centered jerk, and his way to avoid this outcome with me was to not give me money - at all (true story - I swear). That's why he wouldn't help me go to school when he had 2 homes, 4 cars and an airplane ....

Now, I was never motivated enough to put myself into debt w/o a specific career goal, and instead worked my way into a v. good job (until the kiddos came along). My kids WILL go to college on us - but they will also need to learn where money comes from and earn a bit of it themselves.

[Auspicious]

That's where I was. My dad grew up in a priveledged life, went to prep school, and his parents paid for college (and offered to pay for more, but dad didn't want to go). He pretty much turned out to be a self-centered jerk, and his way to avoid this outcome with me was to not give me money - at all (true story - I swear). That's why he wouldn't help me go to school when he had 2 homes, 4 cars and an airplane ....

Whoa!!

My husband's parents weren't well-off (FIL was a mailcarrier, MIL was a nurse) but they owned their home outright because they inherited it early in their marriage. Back at that time, home equity counted against financial aid, but I believe that rule has since been changed. My husband didn't expect them to pay for the whole enchilada, but is mad that they didn't do what they could.

[SueC]

My dh and I pretty much have the same idea about what we are willing to do, to an extent. We'll cover undergrad if they are serious about their education. If they screw off for a semester, they will foot the bill for the following semester to "prove themselves" before they will be back on the family scholarship program. I am willing to pay for a state school, unless we have some academic genius on our hands who would be best suited by going to an ivy league or out of state program. We'll also pay living expenses so that they can focus on studying. Of course, my kids are only 5, 4, and 1, so I might be singing a different tune in another 12 years!