is it selfish to uproot hubby for my new career?

So I think I've finally narrowed things down and decided to apply either to dental school or PhD clinical psych. As both of those are super competitive, most likely, we'll have to move. DH just started his new attending job 6 months ago and really likes it. He says he's willing to move wherever I get in, but I still feel a little guilty about uprooting him when he has such a good thing going here. He'd have to find a job first wherever I got accepted before I'd be able to accept an offer of admission, if I get any. Granted, a big negative about living here is the super high cost of living, and as we want a single family home we'll have to move out to the distant suburbs if/when we do buy, which means he'll have a real b*tch of a commute (at least 45 mins. each way I'd guess). Right now we're renting and super tired of it. So that's a reason to move somewhere else, because the housing prices here are sky-high.

Anyhow, I'm just wondering if I should feel guilty about this or not as I proceed to narrow it down to one or the other and start applying.

[Vishenka69]

I would apply and see where you get in and then seriously talk about it. I know that my DH would try to accomodate me as much as possible. If you're really unhappy about your current location or it doesn't work for you, then you should find one that works for both.

[Sheherezade]

If he's in an academic slot, I'd probably wait a year more and then move on. That's expected in academic institutions. If it's private practice, you probably have to consider his contract. When would be his best exit time? If you are unhappy in your current location and would like to move on in school, then find that time and have him look at options in your new location.

Just my 2 cents.

Well, we really love it here except for the housing costs. But buying a single family home is very important to us.

[Sheherezade]

That's how I felt about Boston. It was important to us to have some outside space and get away from apartment living with the kids. I still miss the city. Sometimes, I don't think it was worth it (for me) but the kids love having a home of our own.

If the housing issue is a deal breaker, so be it.

[alison]

What about applying in your area *and* outside of your area. You may not even have to move after all is said and done...

Depending on the program, you may be offered teaching assistantships, research assistantships, tuition waiver, etc. That may change the appeal of the programs completely.

Well, given the fact that both programs are so incredibly competitive, I'm just assuming that I won't get in here, though I will apply here. I think that's a valid assumption.

[alison]

Apply, apply, apply. If you don't knock on the door, it won't open!

[SuzySunshine]

I don't think you should feel guilty, it should be a decision you make together. I agree with Alison, apply both locally and away and worry about moving if that becomes your only option.

As for owning a home, thats a valid wish. That is reason #1 we ranked our residency programs the way we did. We wanted out of the high CA housing market, we wanted to own a home and have reliable cars while not living paycheck to paycheck. We were able to accomplish all of that in our current location.

Now would we move for my career? No, but thats because I don't really have a career I would consider moving for. If I had something I really loved it would definitely play a part in where we went after residency but I'll be happy as a SAHM in most places.