Waah! I Haven't Chosen A Career!

This is getting really frustrating! First off, as some of you might remember from my previous post, I was pre-med in college. I actually did very well and think I would be a competitive candidate for entry into med school. However, med school just doesn't fit into DH's and my life right now, plus I don't want to bring children into a two doc family. So, toward the end of college, I decided I would give PA school a try. Afterall, being a PA is the closest you can get to being a physician without being a physician! However, ever since I started thinking about PA school, I've had people telling me that it's not the right path for me. First, I did a pre-med internship in a hospital. It was ten weeks of one week-long mini rotations. When the docs I worked with heard I was planning to become a PA, a couple of them sat me down and told me that I should reconsider because I was aiming too low. More recently, my MD/PhD boss has been trying to get me to reconsider my plans and try for med school.

Now, on one hand, I probably shouldn't listen to what these people are saying. The PA school decision was a lifestyle choice, and I don't think most of these docs I've been talking to really value a good lifestyle the way I do. On the other hand, I've never really wanted to become a PA! It was simply a plan B, and I've never really been 100% into the decision. PAs handle the routine cases, but I know I would like the chance to deal with the more complicated stuff that I can really sink my teeth into!

Now, DH and I have started talking about trying to start a family next year when he's an intern. If we do that, I will hold off on grad school until our children are well into school age. I know that many people speak from experience and say that women should have all their education out of the way before becoming mothers, but I can't help but think this is the right choice for DH and me. Since I'm still undecided about what grad program I'd like to get into, I can't really justify jumping into something just to get it out of the way. Also, I know that I would be ready to start a family immediately after grad school, but I don't want to graduate just in time to get pregnant and possibily SAH with my children. (I think I would like to work at least PT with young children, but I can also see myself making the decision to SAH for several years.) However, I can see myself being happy in my current job, which is very flexible and would be the ideal type of job to have when children are brought into the picture, for many years. DH has already said that he will support my going to med school later in life, if that is what I decide I want to do.

*Sigh* I just don't know! Since I believe I have the aptitude for med school and still want to go into it--even seeing first hand what a PITA the medical profession can be--I feel like I should skip PA school and go for broke! On the other hand, having children before completing my education worries me.

Any thoughts or advice?

[PrincessFiona]

Lindsay...

Go for it.

Seriously....since you don't have children yet, you could potentially put off having them until you are finished with medical school....or are in your 4th year....then....you can try for a more "family friendly" residency program, like family practice and potentially look into practicing eventually in a group with shared call, etc.

I have 2 friends here who are docs. One is an FP that finished residency a few years ago when her boys were teen-agers....and the other (my neighbor) has 3 children 7 and under and is pg with her 4th...and is starting her 2nd year of residency.

Both compromised the *what* of medicine....they didn't go for surgery or ob .... they picked a low key residency and a post-training job with a lot of flexibility.

I would iron this out before starting a family if I were you.....

just .02 from someone who has been where you are...and took a diff. path.

Check out mommd.com


kris

[Vanquisher]

Kids pretty much put things off indefinitely for me, if not permanently. I will reevaluate in about 5 years. Residency and fellowship will be over for dh, and the kids will be 14 and 8.

When they are young, it is sooo hard.

Thanks for the thought!

Honestly, though, the options are either (A) PA school now, then kids, then maybe med school later in life, or (B) Kids soon, keep working in research/possibly SAH, then med school later in life. I just can't swing med school now! For one, although it works for some couples, I'm not willing to make decisions that could cause DH and me to have a long distance marriage, and my going to med school while DH is a resident could put us in that position. Two, DH is in the USAF, and I can't imagine committing to med school while he is in the military, facing deployments and having to move every couple years on the government's whim.

[PrincessFiona]

Thanks for the thought!

Honestly, though, the options are either (A) PA school now, then kids, then maybe med school later in life, or (B) Kids soon, keep working in research/possibly SAH, then med school later in life. I just can't swing med school now! For one, although it works for some couples, I'm not willing to make decisions that could cause DH and me to have a long distance marriage, and my going to med school while DH is a resident could put us in that position. Two, DH is in the USAF, and I can't imagine committing to med school while he is in the military, facing deployments and having to move every couple years on the government's whim.

Well, I've done some variations of your plan and I could write you a book about how it all....works out.

There will always be an "I'd go to med school, but...dh is in the military or...." according to me...DH is doing residency, my children need me, the school is too far from our house and I can't move my kids, etc...

Honestly, you are in the best position to shoot for medical school now....if that is your dream.

If you are ok with PA school and understand that going to med school later when you have kids will be even less likely than now, then go that route. Accept PA as your chosen profession. Plenty of female docs that I know say that if they could do it again they would go to PA school instead.

Just don't hold off for the "I'll do med school in 15 year thing...." Life...has a way of taking you down a different path.




Kris

[Michele]

:hey:
Just wanted to throw my plug for vet med out there!!! It's much more family friendly, residency options exist, job opportunities are great, and the patients are WAY cuter!! (and smell better to hear Russ talk!)

One of the other pluses is that you can do surgery and medicine and emergency all in the same clinic!

Anyway, I enjoy it and sometimes think it gets overlooked as a medical career.

-------------------------------------------

back to the regularly scheduled MD/PA/SAHM debate...

[poky]

Chiming in from the perspective of doing med school "later" (since that's what DH is doing). It *is* possible, but your DH is going to have to be willing to move to wherever you're accepted. He does understand that'd be part of "supporting you if you want to go to med school later", right? He's not just saying that because he figures you'll give up on it by then?

[Meenah]

I have to throw in a plug for Nurse Practitioner!!!!

[Vishenka69]

Definitely something you need to decide for yourself but in DH's med school class there was a woman in her 40s, who went to med school after her youngest was in college. She is currently finishing her anesthesia residency. It wasn't easy but it was something she really wanted to do and she went for it. Luckily she had a very understanding and supportive husband and she was able to remain in NY for med school and tri-state area for residency.

Thanks, all!

I have actually thought of going into another medical career, but the only ones I think I would possibly enjoy are MD or PA, unfortunately.

And regarding DH standing behind me if I decide to go to med school at some point, yes, he is willing to do what it takes to help me out, the way I have been supporting him now. There's the issue of how much he'll be able to do, considering that his career isn't exactly flexible, but I know he'll do his best.

BAH! I don't know why this decision is so difficult for me to make!

Definitely something you need to decide for yourself but in DH's med school class there was a woman in her 40s, who went to med school after her youngest was in college. She is currently finishing her anesthesia residency. It wasn't easy but it was something she really wanted to do and she went for it. Luckily she had a very understanding and supportive husband and she was able to remain in NY for med school and tri-state area for residency.

I think people like this are so inspiring! A much closer to home example for me is my MIL. When she and FIL married, he was in med school and she had a BS in bio. They had DH when FIL was in PGY1, followed by two other kids. When their youngest was in gradeschool, MIL went back for her MS and then began a PhD program when he began college. When I think about having kids before going to grad school, I think of her and how she made it all work. I honestly think that I could do the same thing. Still, it's hard to make the definite decision to start a family first, especially since it goes against just about every piece of advice that anyone has ever given me on the topic!

[DCJenn]

Lindsay-

the only way you'll be able to reach this decision is to wait until it's closer in time. You're facing two more moves, at least. You're definitely facing a deployment or two.

Having kids will complicate your educational pursuits, that's certain. But having kids complicates EVERYTHING. They add a layer so complex that it boggles the mind. that said, as long as your husband is on board...and I mean "yes honey I will be the primary care-giver for our child(ren) while you're in school and in residency" then go for it. (Primary care-giver may not mean SAH either- primary care giver may mean drop off and pick up the kids, get them ready in the am, bathes them in the pm, etc.)

Jenn

Lindsay- the only way you'll be able to reach this decision is to wait until it's closer in time.

Good point. Actually, DH and I have already talked this issue to death and have decided not to bring it up any more until later this summer when he finds out whether or not he got his civilian deferment for residency, since it's SO HARD to make plans when we have no idea where we're going to end up one year from now. I'm just trying to gather my thoughts in the meanwhile.

(FYI: He's supportive of whatever I decide to do and is giving me tons of space to make my own decision, but he's ready to start a family.)

Throwing in a vote for PA. I may be bitter, but I just don't think that being a doc is all that and a slurpee, and oftentimes not worth the sacrifices. I think the people who told you that PA school is "aiming too low" were perhaps a little arrogant. People always think their way is the best way.

Being a PA is a way to get to practice medicine while still having and living a life. If medicine - treating and caring for people - is your passion, you will still do that (granted how much you get to do varies by state). You will still be paid well, and you won't carry the same kind of liability / responsibility as the doc you're working with. It's a good compromise (IMO), and you've already said you're not willing to require LD marriage, or having kids raised by nannies.

[Flynn]

If you don't do it (MD or PA) now it's very unlikely to happen after kids. The sacrifices will seem ten times greater once you're juggling a family and spouse's unforgiving career.

ITA!


Is your M4 husband going into something family friendly as far as speciality? If not, then he can SAY all he wants about being supportive but the realities are, he's not going to be available to help out with the kids regardless of his desire.