For those of you with kids...

[v-girl]

How do you get your co-workers to understand that you can't work late due to childcare and your spouse's schedule?

I am administrative staff so I am paid hourly. I only work 4 days a week but I do come in early and work through lunch most days. But yet, I still get flack because I won't/can't work late.

My baby won't take a bottle after 6 pm. And if hubby is on call or doesn't get off until late, I have to get our girls from school. They have to be picked up by 6 and if I leave work one minute after 5:30 I won't make it there on time.

Do you just blow them off and ignore the remarks? Or keep explaining why? I do offer to finish projects from home, though they know that I can't work on things until all three kids are asleep.

Most of my co-workers don't have kids. The ones who do have nannies. I don't have that luxury and it takes an hour to get from my work straight home on a weekday afternoon.

So frustrating!!!

[houseelf]

I went through this. I would have to leave my previous job exactly at 4:15 or pay a hefty penalty for late pickup.

If I were you, I would not continue to explain anything to your coworkers. It just draws attention to your departure and honestly it is NOT your colleagues' business. Leave with a smile as if you don't have a single iota of guilt.

If you have to choose, it is better to appear to be there on time for your kids than to put in face time for your boss. The worst feeling in the world is to have your kid chastize you as "Where were you?!"

Best of luck. I know that this isn't an easy road to navigate.

Kelly

[v-girl]

It isn't my boss who hassles about it. It's all the others. My boss was a working mom when her boys were young. She totally understands juggling kids and work.

I don't understand how these folks can work until 7 or 8 every night anyway. Totally on the highway to burnout city.

[planet]

:therethere: Is all I can offer because it is very real. I saw this before I had kids. I didn't care actually and absolutely respected those with kids who made their families a priority. But the bad mouthing and general resentments did exist. I think Kelly is right on.

[DCJenn]

There was just an article about this in Sunday's Career Consultation section. the columnist said exactly what Kelly said- don't talk about it because 1) you own no one an explanation and 2) it just reminds people about it.

I know people don't realize that I'm a 20 hour employee and think I'm a giant slacker but that's their problem not mine. They also don't understand why I don't 'do' what they do. (um, because I do all the stuff they don't do?)

I try to leave exactly at 5pm because by then, even with naptime and snack time and lunch time, he's had a long, tiring day and is ready to come home. and if I get stuck in traffic it buys me a window of time before the extra fees start hitting.

Just ignore them. I used to be a late evening employee and mostly it was because I didn't have anything to look forward to at home.

Jenn

[Meenah]

I agree with everyone here. Your job at that time of day is to be a MOM. You don't owe anyone an explanation .

[fluffhead]

I get this sometimes too - and it's usually from the women, not so much from the men. In our school, we're expected to give lots of "extra help" to students when needed, and I'm just not available that much of the day. I'm only 60% salary, and I end up being there more than 60% of the day, but sometimes coworkers don't understand the demands that family life exert.
In meetings I just get up and leave when I need to, and if somebody asks, I just say "I have to pick up my kid now." It's not a great career move, but if I'd have wanted a career, I guess I'd have hired a nanny.

[v-girl]

In meetings I just get up and leave when I need to, and if somebody asks, I just say "I have to pick up my kid now."

I would love to see the looks on their faces! LOL

So sorry! I went through this when I was working, too. There was always some pressure to stay after school to work the various sporting events or judge forensics, etc, etc. I stayed after to host exactly what I was responsible for - fall fest, spring fest, and a handful of other smaller events. I ignored ALL the rest, no matter what was said or how deep the guilt was piled on. "The talk" bothered me at first, but I developed thick skin quickly. HMMM - my kids or the gossipy coworkers, my kids or the gossipy coworkers, my kids or the gossipy coworkers - never was a question. I did what I could handle - and I had plenty on my plate. Like you, I had an understanding boss and that made it a lot easier.

Keep your chin up and your family first.

[Tenacious_D]

Even though I am not a parent yet...I have a hubby at home that I actually want to be with and used to leave everyday at 5pm (I would also come in at around 7:30am). All of my former co-workers (and boss) were single women and some of the comments about people leaving "early" were becoming unbearable (partly why I left). It's sad that people can't appreciate those with families....work is work, life is so much more important than an extra 30 minutes at work. I am sorry that people are giving you flack...as long as your boss is cool with it...try to ignore them.

life is so much more important than an extra 30 minutes at work.

especially when that 30 minutes is SO often just "face time". If you're able to accomplish your job requirements in the time you're there - screw the rest.

[Urowife]

I would say as long as your boss is cool with it, who cares what anyone else thinks. I would just ignore them.

[samssugarmomma]

I agree with everything said above. If you do your job, you don't owe anyone an explanation for leaving at the end of the day! Keep your chin up!

[GrayMatterWife]

I get this sometimes too - and it's usually from the women, not so much from the men.

Men are afraid that if you're getting up and excusing yourself, you're leaving due to a "female thing" (period...). They are paranoid that you might share the details.

[GrayMatterWife]

At my old law firm, long, long hours were expected. Part of the deal. There was no point in going flex-time, because then they'd just expect you to do all the work, in less time and for less pay. Absolutely no one would have understood if I just left at 6:00 PM or didn't work on the weekends or stopped answering my Blackberry after 10:00 PM. I am sure that if I'd said, "Can't stay. Got pick up the kiddo," in short order I would have received subpar assignments and been given fewer professional opportunities. I would not have been seen as serious or hard-core; worse, I would have been seen as weak and dead weight to the team.

But, that being said, I really can't fault them for this. I was not naive. I understood what the expectations were when I took the job and when I decided to return after DS was born. They weren't being unreasonable with me because I had a kid. This was how it was for everybody. If I tried to carve out an exception for me, that would have made the other associate attorneys' live worse, because they'd be paying the penalty in terms of additional work for my lifestyle choice of having a child and working at the firm.

I set up a crib in my office so that I could come back to the office after picking up my 3-month old from the nanny. I'd work in a dark office, lit only by the under-the-cabinet lights, so DS could sleep. I think I could bear it because I knew within two months of returning to work that DH had matched in another city and that I'd be leaving the job.

I guess my point is (do I even have one??): know your situation. Some jobs just aren't receptive to "Gotta go; gotta family," and you'll suffer for it (as reasonable as the decision to prioritize your family first might be). But, if you're on flex-time, then that shouldn't be the case. I think you should definitely feel comfortable asserting yourself and protecting that time. You're getting paid less than everyone else for the luxury of working less! But I am ITA with the other posters regarding responding to non-bosses who complain or make snarky remarks. Your work contract is NONE of their business. You do not need to justify or explain yourself.