Question for attorney spouses out there

I am a lawyer spouse of a M1 (Is that right? First year medical student?) who left her job. I litigated in the past, but would like to take the time and opportunity to figure out what I want to do when I grow up - ha!

Any lawyer-spouses out there continue to litigate and strive for the partnership track in a firm? If so, how did this work for you and your family? Did any lawyer-spouses take a different route? If so, what did you do?

We are also thinking about starting a family soon, so that is a factor. Ideally, I would like to work in a legal-related field, but not have the pressure of billable hours. But, I also want to have a career that has meaning, and am not just taking work to make money. Am I asking too much?

I am not the type of gal who has been dreaming about being a stay-at-home-mom all her life. Don't get me wrong - I think it is a noble, courageous, and hard path to take. I cannot imagine a more difficult job than to take care of a medical spouse/children/home and stay sane I am simply just not sure that is what is right for me specifically, or at least I won't know until the time comes!

Thoughts, advice, suggestions, comments welcome!

Welcome! I'm also an attorney spouse, married to a med student. I'm currently on partner track with a mid-size firm. It's worked well through med school so far. We've both been very busy, but I've had plenty of time to manage the home front too. It would, however, be very hard to juggle with kids. When our first arrives this winter, I will probably cut back to a 3/4 time schedule. This was one of my main reasons for sticking with my firm-- its awesome about flexible scheduling. I know this varies significantly from firm to firm, but there are a lot of flex-time/part-time/telecommuting possibilities out there. Among my colleagues, reduced schedules seem to work better for litigators than transactional attorneys. Litigators seem to have more control over work flow at the senior associate level.

I have grand ideas about my long term career plans that involve phrases like "start a non-profit" and "local government contracting." I don't think it will be possible to take the plunge until my husband has a real job --i.e., we're settled into one locality, and can afford good child care without my firm paycheck. In the meantime, I've tried to shape my current practice to help train me for my dream job, and I adore my co-workers, so I don't ever feel like I'm just biding my time or cranking out useless billable hours.

Good luck to you figuring it all out!

Thanks for the insight. If I decide to go the law firm route, I hope I can find a family-friendly firm. I know they are out there - it just make take awhile to find one. I think your goal of training yourself for your dream job is a great one.

I agree - I think we would be fine if I got a law firm job because we'd both be busy, but throwing a baby in the mix will be the true challenge.

Thanks again.

[Laker]

I am an atty and my wife just started her first attending job. We moved and I left my previous firm so I have elected to give solo practice a shot. In a couple of years, DW will have a lot of vacation time so I wanted to be flexible with my schedule. Also, it will be better for when we have kids so I can help out. Good luck with whatever route you take.

[MarissaNicole]

I'm a youngin' just two and a half years out of law school. For the first two years I practiced at a small firm where DH went to law school. I really enjoyed practicing there and learned a lot, but had to quit a few months ago for our move to residency.

Right now I've just started doing contractual work from home - I'm kind of on a trial basis. If my work is satisfactory I hope to continue doing this as long as the work is available. Its a little earlier than I had intended (as we don't have kids yet) but it will be ideal for when the times comes. I can work whenever and wherever - it's wonderful!

I have just tried to be open minded as to my career path... originally when I went to law school I figured I wouldn't stay home, but now I am watching friends with little ones and I'm afraid unless I had a job I absolutely loved, I would want to stay home at least part-time with my kiddos. My husbands specialty has also changed my tune because I realize that I cannot work 60+ hours because he won't be around, and if I'm not around there won't be anyone to raise our kids!

[GrayMatterWife]

I've been a lawyer for ten years. I did a judicial clerkship for a judge of the US Dis Ct for one year straight out of law school, then worked at BigFirm for four years practicing corporate insolvency law. We had a child at the beginning of my fourth year with the Firm. A few months after my husband moved and began his residency, I got a position as a clerk for a judge of the USCoA here. When that was done, I took a position as a career clerk to a US Bankr judge here. I have had two children since working for the Bankr judge.

I most likely would have left BigFirm life even if my husband had not transferred cities for residency. The only way I could have put in the hours and rainmaking that were necessary to be a real player for partnership would have been to shift a good portion of daily childcare to nannies and household duties to hired help. Works for some, but it's not what I wanted to do. I'm more hands-on. I would have not been there in the way I personally want to be. Plus, because of my husband's specialty (neurosurgery), there would have been a lot of days where there was simply no parent around--I would have to travel for cases and DH is not home much. I just felt like someone had to be the parent.

I knew that I wanted to clerk during residency and was lucky to have gotten the chance.

And, you said that you couldn't imagine a job harder than being a stay-at-home mom...yeah, there is: having any job that is so impossible to manage that the result is you can't be the mom you really want to be. That kind of job eat at your soul and destroys your happiness. You can't be happy at your job under those circumstances.

[houseelf]

[QUOTE]I knew that I wanted to clerk during residency and was lucky to have gotten the chance.

And, you said that you couldn't imagine a job harder than being a stay-at-home mom...yeah, there is: having any job that is so impossible to manage that the result is you can't be the mom you really want to be. That kind of job eat at your soul and destroys your happiness. You can't be happy at your job under those circumstances.

/QUOTE]

This exactly. I can't recommend clerking enough during residency. Several of the clerks in the courthouse I worked in were former private practice employees who became clerks after becoming moms. Clerking is also a stepping stone into other State/Federal jobs. I was offered a part-time prosecuting job towards the end of residency which I turned down because I couldn't find reasonable child care for the early morning hours I needed that would also get my oldest off to school. Two of the other clerking mommies went on to other State positions.

Best of luck.

I am newer than new, graduated from law school in December 2009, not even licensed in the state we live in so I probably don't have the best advice but here I go. I've always wanted to be a criminal defense attorney so the whole BigLaw thing is a mystery to me. I am doing contract work like MarissaNicole and it has been working out perfectly for us so far. I too can work "whenever and where ever" which makes it easier to spend time with my husband when he actually has time. I really wanted to take a government position after law school, preferably in a public defender's office but this contract thing appears to be a better gig particularly because we will probably want to have kids pretty soon. I have never had an opinion on staying home as a mom or not but I agree with GrayMatterWife, the time constraints placed on a neurosurgery resident are making me lean more towards staying at home or else our kids will wind up "parentless." So the contract thing seems to be a good idea for the moment. Then again in an economy like this fresh out of law school I really don't have a ton of options! Good luck.

Thanks everyone. It's nice to hear about your experiences and perspectives.

[Laker]

To those of you doing contract work, is that document review? I am hoping to find some sort of contract work like covering hearings and the like until I get busy with my own clients. I have am waiting on my mediator certificate to come so I can get some work doing court appointed mediations. If you are using a national company to do that contract work, and if you don't mind, can you please PM me and let me know who to contact. I am in Orlando, FL.

Thanks.

[MrsK]

Late chiming in. I became a Partner at BigLaw about a year before dh finished medical school. We moved for internship. BigLaw did not have an office in the State to which we moved. I maintained my position with BigLaw through a combination of commuting and telecommuting. (Not for the faint of heart. It's painful and expensive to commute 1000 miles twice monthly.) I had to get a local law license in order to telecommute. Although I was eligible for admission on motion, it still took 10 months to get through the administrative red tape.

Five months after being admitted to the local Bar, we moved to a third State for residency. I was able to waive into the third jurisdiction because it had reciprocity with the second jursdiction. I literally applied for my third Bar license within 30 days of obtaining my second Bar license. We had a baby about 2 months after moving. BigLaw does not have an office here. I'm still a Partner. I still telecommute and WFH. I don't do the literal commute very often because I'm too far away now and I have a baby. The baby goes to day care while I work but I have some flexibility to pick him up early when work is slow and I get to see my husband during the day when he works nights and is post call. I'm definitely not as productive as I would be if I was physically in my office. Every day is a challenge but it is nice to be able to keep my job.

[GrayMatterWife]

If it isn't completely obvious, BTW...

Mrs.K is an absolute PHENOM. Seriously. I don't know anyone else who's been able to manage such an arrangement, although I've known several who've tried.

It's really impressive. And rare.

[MrsK]

LOL. I don't know how impressive my work is in light of all the juggling. My productivity is way down and I constantly worry that I am not holding up my end of the bargain in light of the numerous accomidations my firm has made. There are some times when something like bad weather locally or a unreliable internet connection can ruin my whole day.

My situation is very much a circumstance of timing. I'd worked with the same attoneys for almost 9 years when I was offered partnership. It happened that I was nominated for partnership around the same time that DrK began asking me to marry him. I almost turned down the partnership because I knew we'd be moving. But then after numerous tearful discussions with DrK during one of which he suggested that I could be a receptionist at a law firm in the event that we moved to a State where I couldn't waive into the local Bar, I realized that I'd really worked hard for partnership and I wanted it badly. Also, I figured that if I had to leave BigLaw, it would be a lot easier to find another job if I could say I'd been a Partner. After we matched in a State where BigLaw did not have an office, I was prepared to tender my resignation. But my Partners didn't want me to go so we worked out my present arrangement. Ultimately, law firms are trying to find ways to be more flexible as Gen-X attorneys don't accept the old rules and technology improves. Law firms don't want to loose attorneys that they've cultivated.

Obviously, this was an unusual situation. DrK and I are a little older than the average PGY-1. If I had not been well-established with my firm, telecommuting would not have been an option. Also, obtaining admission on motion to other jurisdictions would have been impossible if I did not have 5-10 years of full-time employment as an attorney. My original license is from Florida which does not have admission on motion so I was shut out of all the reciprocity States and there were only 11 States in which I could have been admitted without taking a Bar exam.

[Finding Equanimity]

I'm late in responding, but I'm an attorney too. My husband is a PGY-3 surgery resident. He graduated med school the same year I graduated law school. I was offered a dream job in DC at a medium sized firm I loved, but I turned it down to move with my husband who matched in Philly. I struggled to find a job but finally found one at a small firm downtown. Since I had been struggling to find work, we decided it was a good time to start a family, and wouldn't you know it, the day I found out I was pregnant was also the day I started my new job. That was a bit stressful!

I never was really attracted to small firms, but I will say I got lucky. My boss has a daughter who is a resident with 3 kids, so he knows about the struggles in residency and with trying to start a family. I am still required to meet billable hours, but I can work from home and I can leave at 5 to pick up my daughter from day care. It's understood that I'm the one taking care of her basically alone, so they are pretty accommodating. I can't say every small firm is this way, but it may be something to look into if you have time to really explore various options. I agree that a clerking job would be ideal. I still look at clerkship openings from time to time.

I used to firmly believe I could have my career and a family while my husband focused on residency, and I still do, but I think I've come to realize the timing may be more protracted than I originally thought. We will relocate again for my husband's fellowship and again for an attending position. Depending on where we go for fellowship, I may potentially be looking at another state bar or just forgoing work for a year or two until we establish ourselves permanently. I now accept the fact that I can be a lawyer but I may have to do some weird ladder climbing to get where I would like to get. Also, now that we have a kid, I'd like to spend as much time as possible with her, so I am much more open to considering non-traditional jobs to make our family life better. Some jobs will seem like step back or sideways, but eventually, once we settle down, I can focus on what I want and it'll work out. I hope.

In terms of making things work, I make about half of a big firm salary, so we simply can't afford to outsource help for household duties. Also, like GrayMatter? (I think? Can't remember who said this) want to be hands-on with my daughter. So I do a lot of time management and planning to make it all work. I really don't know how I could have worked BigFirm hours and taken care of my daughter without majorly outsourcing everything.
One day, once my kids are older, I do hope to really establish myself in a firm. But for now I'm OK with different experiences so that I can start a family and be there somewhat for my husband when he's actually home.

I also hate to hijack the post, but I wonder how people make it work with more than 1 kid. I only have 1 at the moment and it's manageable, but I can't imagine being a full time working attorney with 2 small kids and a very absent husband. Please tell me it can be done!?! Somebody? Anybody?

[MarissaNicole]

I also hate to hijack the post, but I wonder how people make it work with more than 1 kid. I only have 1 at the moment and it's manageable, but I can't imagine being a full time working attorney with 2 small kids and a very absent husband. Please tell me it can be done!?! Somebody? Anybody?

Greymatter has three, but honestly I don't know how she does it.