SAHM during training?

[moonlight]

I'm finding it practically impossible to make it finically on his salary during training. I'm a SAHM and have been put in some very scary finical situations the past few weeks. I pretty much had to get a part time job last month. I feel bad about asking our parents for money time after time. It breaks my heart to be away from DD. There is nothing in the world I’d rather do than care for her at home. I feel like such a failure for needing this part time job. I thought I could make it work. Is there anyone out there that was able to stay at home with the kids during residency and never work?

[diggitydot]

We swing it, but only because we live in an area with a pretty low COL, DH's program pays higher than normal salaries to residents, and he moonlights a couple nights a month.

Have you considered looking into doing in-home childcare? That way you could stay home, but still be able to bring in some extra money.

Hang in there. It sucks. A lot.

[spotty_dog]

I'm sorry that things are rough for your family. Taking a job to make ends meet isn't failing, it's helping your family to stay on solid financial footing. It's responsible. It doesn't make it easy -- whether your preference is to work or to stay home, being forced by circumstances to do something else is just a horrible place to be in.

We did make it through residency on DH's salary, though we may have dipped into savings a few times, and DH moonlighted like a madman once he could. We had a modest rent, lived where food and utilities were cheap, didn't have car payments or any other sort of debt to pay on. Every family, every situation is different, you know?

[migirl]

We managed to live fairly comfortably on a resident's salary, but I think our experience was the exception. DH got paid a pretty high salary, we had no debt (other than a mortgage), and our expenses were relatively low. Like spotty_dog said, everyone's situation is different and what works for one may not work for another. I'm sorry that things have been so difficult, I hope they get easier.

[v-girl]

We go through a lot of scary moments financially every month. It sucks, but I just chalk it up to training. Large car repairs usually result in me running to Mommie or DH bumming money off his dad. Not our preference, but as my mom told me, the tables may well be turned one day and she's glad she's able to help us during any tough times -- she didn't have that financial help when she was raising three kids on a tiny income.

I tried to work. Twice. It just didn't work. We all agreed my sanity was more important than the little bitty paycheck I brought home (I'm an admin asst and have to go into Dallas to get decent pay -- the time and gas make it not worth it).

We had to ask DH's parents for money during med school, just to cover our bills for a season. It stinks, but they were glad to do it, and the tables have already turned. I worked until a little over half-way through residency. At that point, DH was able to start moonlighting. My last job was in public health (= low pay), so DH was able to make up my income easily. He worked at the level of a NP in the NICU and in a birth care center, and he did shifts in a minor emergency clinic. He wasn't able to moonlight earlier in residency, but he was working all. the. time the last couple years. We also lived in an area with very low COL.

Taking a job to make ends meet isn't failing, it's helping your family to stay on solid financial footing.

Ditto. I'm really sorry that you have to do this. You are giving up something precious to you, in order to keep your family secure. What you are doing is a very good thing. But at the same time, I hope you can find a solution that makes life easier.

(ETA - I'm trying to remember how we survived during med school. Even with my fresh-out-of-college job, we weren't making ends meet. The second year, I moved up to a better job, DH started covering some EKG tech shifts, and he got a big loan from the state that must have covered some living expenses. The loan was in exchange for promising to do general practice in a rural area. It was a big help at the time, but we'll be paying it back with very high interest because he decided on a different specialty and city. Anyway, I hope some sort of opportunity turns up for you.)

[GrayMatterWife]

I feel like such a failure for needing this part time job.

Feeling like a failure and being a failure are different. As frustrated and disappointed as you feel, your taking of part-time job does NOT make you a failure. It makes you a realist and a survivalist.

[v-girl]

And you aren't a failure for needing to work! You're realistic.

[MrsK]

Doing what you have to do to support your baby is not a fail by any means. Not doing what needs to be done and keeping your child in a precarious situation is failing. i

It can be done, but it's not pretty. I only know of a few people who made it through as a SAHP w/o accumulating crazy amounts of consumer debt. There are a few others who had regular family help, or went the military route, or did like Laurie (on here) and saved ahead to make up the difference. Those folks are few and far between. While I don't regret staying home with my kids, I do really regret many of the financial choices we made during training. In retrospect, I really should have found some way to bring in $ earlier (I did the last year - I sold Tastefully Simple, and while the money wasn't great, there were times when it was very "timely" and really saved us).

[rainbabies]

We *really* struggled. Cannot say that enough. I did in home babysitting twice. The first time was for just under a year and the other was for a year. It was a lifesaver. Literally. Week to week it was ok money. But claiming it at tax time sucked. There were times where I was afraid we'd not eat. Have utilities, etc. We always made it. Barely. We didn't have gas money to do extra driving, we cashed in coins, we had a super tight budget. We looked forward to the holidays and b-days as my aunt was generous. I have friends who sent me clothing for my kids. <3. we went w/o a lot. That said, after numbers crunching, it would NOT have paid for me to have worked when we had three kids. After taxes, work clothes, gas and childcare. It's not easy. I'm sorry you're faced with this. Thinking of you.

[moonlight]

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. That really brings my spirits up. I’ve got to start thinking of this as something that is a positive for our family and not a negative. In all honesty I’m only working the days that my DH has off work (two days a week). It’s a seasonal job, and I won’t have to work there every single week after next March. That will give me a chance to catch up on some things.

In preparing for the baby finically I thought I had it all figured out. She has an allergy to regular formula. Thus she is on the $30 per can brand. I buy it the absolutely cheapest way possible (I’m too ashamed to even tell you how I manage to buy it some weeks!). On top of that I have all these medical bills from her hospital stays and other specialist’s visits. The good news is that she is 11 months old and ALMOST off formula. That alone will save me nearly $300 per month! Plus the girls I work with are absolutely hysterical. Ahhh to be 22 again!

It's so nice to know that I'm not alone.

[scrub-jay]

You are far from alone. I work FT and have to remind myself that I am doing the right thing for my family. We are MS2 and we pay out of state tuition. I am still working toward my graduate degrees (MBA/MPH). I decided that I would rather be able to offer our family some sort of security than to live hand to mouth. Is that the only choice or the right choice, we shall see. Parenthood is unpredictable - I figure you do what works right now and keep trying new things until something works.

((big hugs)) You are not a failure at all. You are teaching your little girl the value of hard work and that she has a mommy who does what she has to to keep food (or uber-expensive formula) on the table.

ETA: DD was planned despite how busy we sound...

[DCJenn]

We did it but we still haven't 100% recovered financially from it- I didn't really have a choice- we brought home the dude 17 months before we knew we were leaving the area so it didn't seem that wise to deal with the job stuff and a new kid from Russia and then move. We also got stuck w/ a house that didn't sell which sucked us further into a hole.

Not to mention that I was barely sane after staying home for those 17 months. By the end dude and I were just done with each other. I think if he could have driven himself to daycare at 2 he would have. Or at least toddled to the bus.

Jenn

[HouseofWool]

Moonlight - working is NOT a failure. You are doing what is best for your family right now. If that means working a bit to avoid the stress of being financially stressed, then that is the right choice. There is no right or wrong way to make this journey (SAH vs WOH). It a matter of what fits your needs right now. Work for a bit and get a nest egg saved back up and maybe you won't have to do it for long. Will your dh be able to moonlight?