Dealing w/ Job Search Rejection

[JDAZ11]

So while I was back home for Thanksgiving etc. I received two rejection letters in the mail. For some reason I'm having such a hard time shaking the rejection involved in this whole job search process. I applied to one high school and one college and got into both. I applied to about ten law schools and shockingly got into all of them. Finding jobs before law school and during the summers wasn't much of issue either.

I guess I haven't really put myself out there enough to experience much rejection up until this point (perhaps that was intentional on some level). Realistically I know this isn't that big of a deal - the economy sucks and I moved to a city where I don't have any personal or professional connections. But for some reason I seem to take the rejection very personally and it takes me a few days to get over each one. Who knows, maybe this is normal? DF seems to think I am ridiculous (he does in fact recover pretty quickly from rejection, although I can tell he is a little bummed for a bit after a paper gets rejected - which I see as being on a much smaller scale). I guess I am just wondering how I can treat these as less of an ego blow and convince myself to recover more quickly. It seemed like a couple of you were also mid-job search, so just wondering if you have any advice.

[MarissaNicole]

No advice, just wallowing with you. I've been looking for work on and off for a year a half since we moved for residency. For a good chunk of that I had contract work, but that has dried up for the time being. When I first started looking I sent out several dozen applications and I maybe got ONE rejection letter, just never heard from the rest. I've started applying more carefully recently, but it still totally sucks. So much of it is who you know. I went to a no name law school, and my experience from where I worked for 2 years while DH was in medical school means nothing in our current location because they don't have a reputation up here. I haven't even gotten a SINGLE interview, and that's the worst part because I can't even get that opportunity.

Some days are better than others, but I guess my only productive advice is to join the local bar association, go to luncheons, CLE's whatever you can, and try and make connections. You can only hope to meet someone who wants to help you out and will let you know if they hear about any job openings. It's a horribly rough market right now. I'm looking at jobs that would pay less than a job coming out of college (even though we living a high COL) just so that I can try and get a job to use my J.D. My other encouragement is that I know several classmates who didn't find jobs for 6-18 months after graduating law school..... but they eventually did find something. I'm hoping eventually I will find another job as well.

[reciprocity]

I feel your pain! I got rejected from all 36 places I did an on-campus interview (one call back, no offers) and that was at a top ten school.

I eventually got a job at a small firm, and then tried to lateral with rejection after rejection for years until I finally got my biglaw job around 5 years after graduation (which was right before Lehman collapsed, not a great time to be a new hire)

I eventually got this job because my roommate from law school was at this firm but was leaving for a clerkship and when someone specifically asked him "do you know anyone who can fill your shoes" he suggested me (despite my resume being tossed twice by this firm when submitted by headhunters) so as sucky as it is, I guess the answer is just keep putting yourself out there and meeting people and making connections.

[JDAZ11]

No advice, just wallowing with you. I've been looking for work on and off for a year a half since we moved for residency. For a good chunk of that I had contract work, but that has dried up for the time being. When I first started looking I sent out several dozen applications and I maybe got ONE rejection letter, just never heard from the rest. I've started applying more carefully recently, but it still totally sucks. So much of it is who you know. I went to a no name law school, and my experience from where I worked for 2 years while DH was in medical school means nothing in our current location because they don't have a reputation up here. I haven't even gotten a SINGLE interview, and that's the worst part because I can't even get that opportunity.

I've only had two interviews - still waiting to hear back from them. I almost prefer not getting the rejection letters. For some reason I like to remain in a state of denial - either believing that they are still reviewing applications or that they decided not to hire anyone... blah!

Some days are better than others, but I guess my only productive advice is to join the local bar association, go to luncheons, CLE's whatever you can, and try and make connections. You can only hope to meet someone who wants to help you out and will let you know if they hear about any job openings.

I agree with the bar association thing - and a few nice people have taken my resume and/or told me that this firm or that firm might be looking for someone. But still nothing. I agree some days are better than others. I also don't blame him (I think he feels badly about the move and wants me to be happy), but DF doesn't totally understand. Every night he asks me for my "job search status" and I'm just so over having nothing good to report. Things were actually going pretty well until I went away - and coming back to rejections was just such a bummer.

It's a horribly rough market right now. I'm looking at jobs that would pay less than a job coming out of college (even though we living a high COL) just so that I can try and get a job to use my J.D. My other encouragement is that I know several classmates who didn't find jobs for 6-18 months after graduating law school..... but they eventually did find something. I'm hoping eventually I will find another job as well.

Well if makes you feel any better - I think that if I am lucky enough to find a job, I will probably make half of what I was making before I went to law school. Who knew! (some of that probably has a little bit to do with the low COL here, but still... hard to stomach at times). It is good to hear that your classmates found things after 6-18 months.... although I guess in 18mo I'll be moving again (ugh - I cant even think about it....).

Do you have like a set number of applications you try to do per day or per week? I am also having a hard time structuring my day at the moment and not feeling very productive. (which I think adds to my whole defeated state of being at the moment)

[reciprocity]

I almost prefer not getting the rejection letters. For some reason I like to remain in a state of denial - either believing that they are still reviewing applications or that they decided not to hire anyone... blah!

Oh I'm the opposite of this, I hate not knowing (so I set up a "schedule of disappointment" for myself when I apply to a new job: 3 days of enthusiasm, 4 days of tentative hope, one week of annoyance and one week of disappointment)

[JDAZ11]

so as sucky as it is, I guess the answer is just keep putting yourself out there and meeting people and making connections.

I know this is it what I need to do - sometimes I just need to hear it from someone other than my DF (poor guy - I am sure it sucks to watch me deal with this too). And it is helpful to hear that other people went through the same cruddy situation - I hate feeling like I am the only one that is unemployable

I try to avoid reading too much about the state of the legal market because it just makes me freak out even more, so thank you both for the motivation!

Just out of curiosity... how did you end up finding your small firm gig?

[oceanchild]

I'm not a lawyer, but I've been rejected from lots of jobs, including the one I have now. I applied again a year later and was hired. I was fortunate both to find a job in the intervening year, and to get this job eventually! But immediately after a rejection, I am a basket case. My DH still says he's never seen me so upset as when I didn't get this job the first time. It sucks.

I think it's SO important to get to know people. Some people get hired by submitting their resume in response to a position advertisement (I have before), but just think about how that looks from the other side. I was recently on a hiring team in my office, and while we read every single application we received, it is really, really hard to distinguish between them. If someone in the office said, "hey, I know that person and think you should interview her," that made a huge difference. The bar association is a good start, but meet people everywhere. Undergrad or law school alumni clubs? Church or religious groups? Volunteer activities? Sports? Make sure everyone you meet knows you're looking for work. You'd be amazed at who is interested in helping you.

Anyway, job searching is so demoralizing - you have my sympathy.

[reciprocity]

actually through one of my other roommates who worked there during his 1L summer

so the moral of the story is: have smart roommates

[JDAZ11]

Oh I'm the opposite of this, I hate not knowing (so I set up a "schedule of disappointment" for myself when I apply to a new job: 3 days of enthusiasm, 4 days of tentative hope, one week of annoyance and one week of disappointment)

Well this is a very good idea! I do have about a 3 day period of enthusiasm after I feel like I applied for a job that I could realistically get or make a contact that seems like it could potentially turn into something. So I guess the disappointment period is normal too - which makes me feel a little more normal! And a little less guilty about the ONE job I have applied for this week!

[JDAZ11]

actually through one of my other roommates who worked there during his 1L summer

so the moral of the story is: have smart roommates

Humm - too late for me there - but it does make it clear that my personal contacts/informational interviews are probably not a waste of time. Although finding those personal connections out here has not been easy - I don't even want to discuss the attenuated nature of many of the contacts I have made (and it only gets worse as time passes)... but i suppose better than nothing!

[JDAZ11]

I'm not a lawyer, but I've been rejected from lots of jobs, including the one I have now. I applied again a year later and was hired. I was fortunate both to find a job in the intervening year, and to get this job eventually! But immediately after a rejection, I am a basket case. My DH still says he's never seen me so upset as when I didn't get this job the first time. It sucks.

Thank you for sharing this - I having been feeling like it isn't normal to be upset lately, but it is hard not to be when something seems like it would be a good fit.

I think it's SO important to get to know people. Some people get hired by submitting their resume in response to a position advertisement (I have before), but just think about how that looks from the other side. I was recently on a hiring team in my office, and while we read every single application we received, it is really, really hard to distinguish between them. If someone in the office said, "hey, I know that person and think you should interview her," that made a huge difference. The bar association is a good start, but meet people everywhere. Undergrad or law school alumni clubs? Church or religious groups? Volunteer activities? Sports? Make sure everyone you meet knows you're looking for work. You'd be amazed at who is interested in helping you.

Anyway, job searching is so demoralizing - you have my sympathy.

I totally agree that personal connections are the way to go - or at least I always thought that until I moved away from all of them! I guess sometimes I feel a little bit guilty about being social when I know I should be applying for jobs -- so I guess maybe it is silly to think that way (and it doesn't sound as productive when I give my "daily job search updates" to DF -- but it is realistically the best way to find something).

[scarlett09]

Oh I'm the opposite of this, I hate not knowing (so I set up a "schedule of disappointment" for myself when I apply to a new job: 3 days of enthusiasm, 4 days of tentative hope, one week of annoyance and one week of disappointment)

I love this.

I'm also not a lawyer (but have lots of lawyer friends who are having issues finding employment). I started looking in March, went to two career interview-things at national conferences, applied everywhere in our metro area, and all I get is rejection letters/e-mails. I've had 3 in-person interviews and 1 phone interview. The first two interviews I had in April, I wasn't crushed that I didn't get the positions. One was a "reach" (I'm not ready to be a director of a department yet) and the other I bombed the interview/wasn't really excited about it. The phone interview was for something that was right up my alley based on education, experience and interest. I cried when I got off the phone with them because I just knew deep down that I wasn't going to get the position. The most recent interview in late October was a crushing blow. I thought I nailed it - felt comfortable, spoke well, had connections to the institution, etc. DH and I both cried when I got the rejection e-mail for that position. It is just so frustrating to be in this position and it almost makes you paranoid, where you have to stop yourself from constantly thinking "what is it about me that you don't like?!" It is hard not to feel like a failure. I have a graduate degree, 3 years experience and I can't find a job. Bottom line is that I don't think you're overreacting. It is hard not to take these things personally, even though you know these places don't give a rat's ass about you personally. Allow yourself to mourn for the dream attached to having that job. Do something you like to do. And then tell yourself "if they don't see how awesome I am, then f them. It's their loss." and move on. Its easier said than done, but I think that going through the stages of grief is perfectly normal. You just can't let it completely take you down for days or weeks at a time.

The lack of employment is a financial strain on us, and has caused some flak in our relationship (he's a saver, I'm a spender). I'm bored out of my mind and I feel lonely a lot. I've had things to keep me busy here and there, but I would love to just have a schedule and human interaction with other people besides DH. I'm not the best person to ask about a daily schedule. I try to go through the job listings 2-3 times a week and fill out applications or send cover letters & resumes on those same days. And I've definitely taken "breaks" from that process too. If I'm not feeling positive about myself after a rejection or overall bad day, I will let things slide until I feel more like myself (never longer than a few days).

[MrsK]

FWIW, I practiced law for 13 years and was a BigLaw partner. When my firm collapsed, I spent 6 months looking for work and had over 100 entries on the work search log that I was required to keep to collect unemployment. I eventually gave up. I never really liked BigLaw that much and now I can explore other career options. It's definitely not personal. It's economy, geography, connections... What everyone else changed.

[MarissaNicole]

I don't have a certain number I apply to each week because some weeks it'd be a waste of time to apply. I try to look everyday and then apply to the ones that I think I am reasonably qualified for (have some/most of the requirements listed) and that I could tolerate doing. Unfortunately most of what is hiring, I'm not qualified nor interested in. (Commercial litigation, foreclosures, creditors rights, family law, tax law and bankruptcy.)

[JDAZ11]

I It is just so frustrating to be in this position and it almost makes you paranoid, where you have to stop yourself from constantly thinking "what is it about me that you don't like?!" It is hard not to feel like a failure. I have a graduate degree, 3 years experience and I can't find a job. Bottom line is that I don't think you're overreacting. It is hard not to take these things personally, even though you know these places don't give a rat's ass about you personally. Allow yourself to mourn for the dream attached to having that job. Do something you like to do. And then tell yourself "if they don't see how awesome I am, then f them. It's their loss." and move on. Its easier said than done, but I think that going through the stages of grief is perfectly normal. You just can't let it completely take you down for days or weeks at a time.

Thank you - this is exactly how I feel, very well said! I think I just need to do a better job of structuring breaks into my routine. There have been days when I have skipped running or yoga because I was waiting for a return phone call or something silly like that - just not worth it.

The lack of employment is a financial strain on us, and has caused some flak in our relationship (he's a saver, I'm a spender). I'm bored out of my mind and I feel lonely a lot. I've had things to keep me busy here and there, but I would love to just have a schedule and human interaction with other people besides DH. I'm not the best person to ask about a daily schedule. I try to go through the job listings 2-3 times a week and fill out applications or send cover letters & resumes on those same days. And I've definitely taken "breaks" from that process too. If I'm not feeling positive about myself after a rejection or overall bad day, I will let things slide until I feel more like myself (never longer than a few days).

This is also exactly my situation. DF and I have very different attitudes toward money - which was never much of an issue before (he would just say that he didn't think we needed something and I would ignore him and go buy it.... not working as well these days! I guess this is probably a good thing for us to go through in some ways - lots of practice compromising! - I hate it!). And I also agree that applying/networking during one of my low self esteem phases is basically a waste - so going to try to focus on "feeling like myself again" and pick things back up when I'm feel more awesome lol. I've felt very out of sorts since August (when I was done studying for the bar). I really miss having a sense a purpose and waking up each morning with an attack plan, but perhaps I just need to relax a little.

I did start to get back on track yesterday afternoon, so thank you all for the support!