Working moms

[Michele]

I need help! What are your tips?

I'm getting up at 5am to shower and dress and makeup (hopefully) before the crew wakes up. But I just can't seem to get the kids to focus and move! Even evenings are bad.

Granted its only been two days but I'm frazzled!! I don't know how to keep everyone on task and not melting down. Is it just impossible for a 5.5y a 3y and an 18m to stay on task for 10 minute stretches?? The 18m is the best. The 5.5y always seems too focused on everyone else to be bothered to follow my requests, like put on your shoes. Should I be saying that more than once? No right? But I end up repeating myself and hollering commands to keep things moving.

[removed the bit about sleep - I don't want any more comments on it, and I only included it to say that I don't have extra hours in the evening to do more prep work]

I'm more looking for ways to keep the herd moving that doesn't involve constant use of the cattle prod!

[mommax3]

Michele,

I would enlist your oldest as your "helper" and make him a chart w/pictures (in order) of the things he needs to do in the morning. Maybe attach a reward if he accomplishes his tasks without being reminded x number of days in a row. Who knows, maybe Kai will be jealous and want to get with the program too! Also, give it time....it's a huge transition for all of you!

[GrayMatterWife]

1. Kids need to go to bed earlier ans you need to go to bed separately. They are not getting enough sleep with your schedule, and you will lose your mind if you ha e zero downtime before bed yourself.

2. Have breakfast laid out the night before and keep it simple.

3. Dress the kids for the next day the night before (seriously--I don't do this, but I know WOTH moms who do). Then all you have to do is change diapers and do teeth.

4. Routine, routine, routine, routine. Our morning is very structured. Same thing every workday. No deviation, no thinking, no confusion re: expectations.

5. Readjust your clock--plan to leave 15 minutes earlier than you really need to.

[HouseofWool]

I would agree. As much as it sucks, I would really push hard for the boys at least, to be sleeping in their own room. If P, still isn't, then so be it. One battle at a time. I struggle too with Sophie going down. She is exhausted, as evidenced by the 30 minute tantrum tonight, but she still refused to go to sleep.

[Pollyanna]

I agree about the bedtime. You have to have some downtime sans children, it is really important for your mental health. I know the family bed is meaningful and important to you but I am afraid it might be one more thing Russ' actions will steal from you. I just don't see it being practical in the long term with work. I am sorry about that.

I also agree with routine, routine, routine. When everyone knows what to expect there are no surprises. It kind of helps to go into drill sargent mode. Make your expectations clear, always always follow through, and the children will fall into line.

Again, I am sorry you are even having to deal with this.

[Michele]

I really can't add messing with bedtime to the mix. Even my mom wasn't able to get them to bed earlier than 8:30....and she's always been able to work sleep magic in the past. They almost seem scared to have me out of their sight...even for sleep.

I do get a little downtime....like tonight. I'm still awake and I quickly reloaded the dishwasher and moved the load of towels to the dryer. And I'm on iMSN. . But I'm beat and will fall asleep quickly.

I'll definitely try the other tips though!

[moonlight]

Can you get them all in the bed without you going to bed with them? My kid goes to bed late too, but she still gets her full 11 hours of sleep plus a 2 hour nap. I'm thanking my lucky stars I don't work mornings. I never thought about that before. I'm so sorry its been a ruff start back to work with the kids' morning time.

[Ladybug]

My most successful mornings are when I don't feed them until everything is done (bed, teeth, hair, dress). Breakfast is waiting, you need to hurry. Keep your expectations realistic so you don't spend so much time frustrated. Yes, you are going to repeat yourself all morning. I purposefully walk by and keep reminding them to get back on task. It is what it is. Evenings are always hard. Everyone is tired and wants to talk to me at once. You'll all adjust to the new routine.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

Do either of the boys watch the clock and know it's getting close to time to leave? Maybe actually setting your clocks all 15 minutes fast? I think a rewards-based system could really work for D. I have a friend who clips digital timers to her kids in the morning to do their "big 5". They have until the timer goes off to do those 5 things (which are posted for each kid). Her one son needed constant redirection, but is getting better.

Have you thought about flipping baby monitors around for the boys - you can talk to them and they can just listen...that may be comforting for them.

You're doing a kick-ass job!

[diggitydot]

Sorry, Michele -- you will always have to repeat yourself with some kids. Particularly in the morning if they're not happy, shiny morning peeps.

When our kids were the same ages as yours, I worked 60 hours a week. These are things that helped mornings:

-Have EVERYONE'S (including your own) clothes/socks/undies/food for the next day prepped the night prior. The two oldest can help by picking their shirts or pants. Don't stress if they don't match. No one cares.

-While messing with bedtimes is maybe not a battle you want to mess with right now, the boys need their own beds/room. They'll get to sleep better and easier without you or a sibling there to help them keep themselves awake. Fewer people to make noise = less ability to stay wake.

-Instead of doing a giant jump in bedtime, when you're ready to tackle this, adjust bedtime by 5 minutes every night. They won't notice, but it will slowly creep back their little body clocks.

-Quick, non-messy dinners are your friend.

-Bribery works. Use it. "If you guys all get ready quickly all week, we'll have a pajama party on Friday!" Movies, games, jammies, and blankets in the living room were our kids favorite thing ever at the age.

[houseelf]

Also rmember you are in transition right now. Everyone is like, "Whoa! This is new! My first impulse is to RESIST AT ALL COSTS!". You will have your system down pat soon. Also, kids become more independent each day. This is five minutes of your life. My 12 year old now gets up at his own alarm clock, showers, feeds himself, and leaves the house all as I am getting up. As overwhelming as this time is, it isn't always going to look like this.

Since you asked, here are some things to I tried to navigate the melee:

My car was packed for whatever possibility would happen. Seriously, I had diapers, sand toys, snacks, clothes, a book to read, running gear. Whenever I was out and time appeared, I used it for an impromptu picnic on the beach or a quick work out if I was alone. Even now, if I have to wait for kids, I've always got a book on hand. My car is a source of embarrassment to me, but I feel like I've had more time because I'm prepared. My personal favorite example was an impromptu kite flying session after childcare pickup. When i pIcked up the kids at a reasonable hour and they weren't starving I would occasionally stop at the park to reconnect with them before starting the evening craziness of changing clothes, mail, dinner, homework, etcetera.

In the mornings, I planned ahead for the upcoming evening. As soon as I got up, I started a load of laundry. I would set out breakfast and whatever pots, pans, and cutlery I would need to make dinner that night. After getting dressed and showered, I'd flip the laundry into the dryer. Your job obviously differs from mine, but I used my down time at work to pay bills and make phone calls. I could rule the entire world over my lunch hour. Seriously, that hour was when I got haircuts, dental cleanings, trips to Target, pick up drycleaning, quick runs, drop off car for maintenance. When people ask me what I miss about working, I always reply, "My lunch hour".

To this day, I try to prepare ahead so I can't fail. Obviously, snow pants aren't a concern where you are at, but I did spring for a second pair to have at school each year. No need for tears over forgotten snow pants. YMMV.

When I think about the profession that I was probably born for, I keep coming back to Army Quartermaster. If there is one thing I can do it is get troops and their gear to various places on time. This skill was a life saver to me.

[spotty_dog]

The 5.5y always seems too focused on everyone else to be bothered to follow my requests, like put on your shoes. Should I be saying that more than once? No right? But I end up repeating myself and hollering commands to keep things moving.

The parent educator at my preschool gave us a chart about what tasks children can do at which ages. At 5.5 he's going to need reminders or assistance or supervision for everything, unfortunately. Can you get him shoes that he can put on easily? DS will put on his boots without assistance, but he's 50-50 for putting on any other kind of shoe including elastic slip-ons.

I'd consider putting them to bed in comfy clothes they can wear the next day. It's what I do if we have an early morning, plane to catch, etc. Nobody cares if their clothes are a bit rumpled.

Honor your kids' transition out of the family bed, it's worth it. But know that once they can at least start in their own beds for a few hours, maybe with the promise that they can come to your bed after the first wakeup, it makes a WORLD of difference in the evening. So hang in there.

I agree with Sally, the first thing I'd do in your situation would be to make DS a "task chart". Mine is very rules-oriented and visual, so being able to see in pictures that we must have clothes and go potty before we eat breakfast and put on shoes might well make all the difference in the world.

[Michele]

I'm going to try to make that chart this weekend. All three can put on their shoes solo. Kai needs help with some of his socks, Phedre always needs help with socks. But shoes? All three can put them on and Velcro them by themselves.

If I figure out non-syrup breakfasts, I can use the sleep in clothes trick. But even with bibs, they still end up sticky.

Knowing that the constant reminders are still developmentally sound actually helps. Also hearing that all your older kids need the reminders helps as well. I thought mine were just ignoring me.

I got reports that both boys were having rough days yesterday and today. They are super excited that I'm working, but they also say they miss me. This is causing them more stress than Russ' moving out!!! I didn't expect that.

[spotty_dog]

All three can put on their shoes solo. Kai needs help with some of his socks, Phedre always needs help with socks. But shoes? All three can put them on and Velcro them by themselves.

Mine *can* do it, but they'll backslide or refuse often enough that I don't count it as an *expected* behavior, if that makes sense. They usually need supervision at least, so in a rush, sitting them down and doing shoes for/with them is probably a little quicker and less stressful than yelling, "SHOES! I told you three minutes ago and I meant it, we need SHOES NOW! We are LATE!" Which I am totally prone to doing.

Sorry they're having a rough time of it! Good thing they were already used to the daycare/preschool environment though.

[Ladybug]

I established a no-sticky food rule for kids under a certain age during the week. The best breakfast IMO is a mini bagel, slices of fruit and milk. Everthing else ends in spills, their hair and all over their clothes.