Working moms

[Pollyanna]

I used tv in the morning when my kids were little to give me time and opportunity to get *myself* ready. As they got older and I needed them to get ready independently, tv became a hindrance rather than a help, so I nixed it. I think I am most relaxed as a parent when I view everything as a work in progress and don't hold myself to any hard and fast rules. If I accomplish my "list" but I am crabby, tired, discouraged (insert your own negative emotion) all the time, it isn't worth it because my kids will remember my mood and not my "list".

Yes, exactly this. The mood in our home is far more important than the house being spotless or using the fine china.

[Michele]

My mom stayed the night last night so she could watch K and P today. It was a pretty typical evening and morning and she asked what I meant about it being crazy. She said it was totally normal and not out of control. He he. So clearly my expectations were way off!

Re: mashed potatoes. I didn't know there even was such a thing as powdered potatoes until college. My mom made everything from scratch. Even if we had soccer practice right after school, she packed thermoses of spaghetti and meatballs or soup. I cheat on my soup and use canned broth because it's easier and quicker and I've grown accustomed to the taste....but my mom wouldn't dream of serving non-homemade soup. It's only been the past two years that she will serve a baked pasta dish and use a jar sauce.

At least I come by my food issues honestly.

[oceanchild]

I've mentioned this before, but my mom (who always "made" mashed potatoes from the flakes ) had a breakfast system based on the day of the week. Namely, Tuesdays and Thursdays were egg days (soft boiled - easy). Pancakes, waffles, or french toast on Saturdays. Dad made brunch to order on Sundays. The other days were cereal or oatmeal, or bagels if we had them. Note that this was all pretty simple, but I always thought it was so special that my mom made us eggs on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I still do egg days.

[diggitydot]

My kids are just lucky if we have cereal, milk, bread for toast, and egg whites in the house so they can make their own damn breakfasts...

[HouseofWool]

My kids are just lucky if we have cereal, milk, bread for toast, and egg whites in the house so they can make their own damn breakfasts...

Preach. In the new house, I purposely put cereal and a set of plastic dished in the lower cupboards so that even the 3 yo can fend for herself if needed. I'm just that damn awesome.

[PrincessFiona]

Michele, I totally get the food thing. I've had to really simplify things in our lives with 5, so I've given myself permission to make the Saturday/Sunday meals totally from scratch and be my "love meals". During the week, I do simpler things and I now allow myself to use the Spaetzle that comes dried/pre-packaged during the week. I used to always only make it from scratch. I like to try and make my own pasta and spaghetti sauces too and hope to can a bunch this summer if I get enough tomatoes (don't throw rotten tomatoes at me, Kelly!) but have given up on that with the exception of weekend meals for now. I still will not make mashed potatoes from the box though! LOL

As far as breakfast, I make cereal, toast/butter/jam/nutella available. I cook scrambled eggs if there is time. I've also found that I can make scrambled eggs, freeze portions of them, and then reheat them quickly in the morning.

I guess the reason that I had to start backing off of the from scratch only stuff is that as the kids got older, things became more difficult. We have track practice, violin lessons, dance classes, etc in the evenings or that end late after school. Instead of being at home cooking/planning I'm sitting in the van driving. I had to simplify things for myself to not lose my marbles completely. I discovered that it's ok to let some things go, that my kids MUCH prefer the alfredo sauce in the jar over my own, that they appreciate the spaetzle from the package and the love is me sitting at the table with them talking to them .... and taking them to and from their activities.

Kris

[ladymoreta]

This thread reminds me of this article: 5 Hallmarks of Bad Parenting That Are Actually Good for Kids

I love Cracked!

[MrsK]

When I went to college, I met girls that never ate soup from a can. I'd call my mom and marvel about how their mothers made all their clothes and cooked from scratch. Eventually my mom told me that it didn't matter what their moms did because my brothers and I all turned out great without soup from scratch. Your kids will grow up in spite of you and will love you for being a thoughtful, caring mom even if you slip them lunchables from time to time. Heck, they'll love you more if you accept yourself and don't make yourself nuts by setting unrealistic standards for yourself.

Reminds me of when I was newlywed and spent awhole day slaving over a from scratch lasagna. DrK took one bite and said "not bad for frozen.". Heck, if he cannot tell the difference, it's Stoffer's from here on out.

[houseelf]

Kris,

I'm only outing you because I know you're a good sport and maybe I'm a tad jealous. Heaven knows I have my own set of ridiculous internal rules that I feel one must follow to certify myself as a "good" mom.

Seriously, I wasn't aware that anyone was actually listening to my half baked ramblings around here. Wake up, people. I'm a hot mess in my own right. Why would anyone follow my advice? Geesh.

[Ladybug]

I think if you bake and freeze on the nights the kids are away you can do it. Breakfast muffins work too, but they are just more crumbly and messy. The bagels don't leave much mess. BIL makes his bagels from scratch but it is time intense. Find some acceptable back up plans (great harvest bread co, etc) for a busy week. It would be ideal if you could find friend to power cook/prep a couple of those off nights per month to bang out sauces, marinated meats, baked yummies over a bottle of wine. You can each mega batch your recipes and then divvy them.

[spotty_dog]

My mom stayed the night last night so she could watch K and P today. It was a pretty typical evening and morning and she asked what I meant about it being crazy. She said it was totally normal and not out of control. He he. So clearly my expectations were way off!

So I've mentioned that my co-op preschool includes monthly parent meetings with a lecture/discussion from a parent educator. This week at our meeting the educator asked us what we've learned about our kids this school year. Almost all of us reported that where we thought we had the weirdest/most out of control/most difficult kids on the planet, being at co-op and observing other kids and talking to other moms made us realize -- our kids are all normal!

I think some parents report better behavior than they're getting, or they just legitimately have laidback kids, and that somehow sets the standard for the rest of us. But dood. These are tough ages! Take it one day at a time. It's a success if you make it through the day -- start fresh tomorrow.

[Gwendolyn]

So I've mentioned that my co-op preschool includes monthly parent meetings with a lecture/discussion from a parent educator. This week at our meeting the educator asked us what we've learned about our kids this school year. Almost all of us reported that where we thought we had the weirdest/most out of control/most difficult kids on the planet, being at co-op and observing other kids and talking to other moms made us realize -- our kids are all normal!

I think some parents report better behavior than they're getting, or they just legitimately have laidback kids, and that somehow sets the standard for the rest of us. But dood. These are tough ages! Take it one day at a time. It's a success if you make it through the day -- start fresh tomorrow.

Word.

I do use TV as a bribe. They need to be dressed and ready to go and then I give them breakfast (always from the freezer...some fresh and frozen, some pre-packaged. No cereal...milk mess and my kids have no idea that syrup goes on pancakes and waffles) in my bed while the quietly watch Dora and eat breakfast, I get ready without having to stop every 5 min to referee a fight.

It doesn't take much to mess up the machine. We do the same thing every single morning. Literally, nearly to the minute, but John leaving later or someone waking up too early and we could end-up leaving 15-20 min late.

Hang in there. You'll get a system that works.

[BonBon]

We don't do TV in the morning either. They become slack-jawed zombies...the one time I did turn it on was for the royal wedding last year and then we were late. Lesson learned.

I've mentioned it before but each kid has a "tomorrow drawer" in which they put everything they need to get dressed. I would love to say everyone cheerfully gets up and gets dressed without any prodding, but no. I have to be a drill sargeant most days. I've found that the more prepared I am, the better things go. (duh!)

[samssugarmomma]

You've gotten some great feedback - I'll add in what works for me

- Getting up, dressed and ready to go before the kids get up - it sounds like you are already doing that. This is the only way that we could ever get out of the house on time. I make sure that I'm completely ready to go before they get up - hair, makeup, outfit. When I worked I would either put on a light bathrobe over my clothes or put on my underclothes and then a bathrobe and put on my skirt/blouse right as we walked out the door. If the kids get up before I'm ready for them, they either have to stay in their beds and look at books or they can sit on the couch and look at books.
- I have them eat first and then get dressed. My oldest tends to dawdle so I set a timer and when it goes off, breakfast is over whether you are done or not. I don't have to heart to send them off hungry, so I have baggies of cheerios that they can eat in the car after we leave the house. Or I throw a homemade pancake in the toaster and they can have that once we are in the car (the pancake is plain though - no butter or syrup).

- They pick out their clothes the night before and I bring them downstairs after they go to bed. I dont' know if you have a 2 story house or not - but not having to climb up and down the stairs a few times seems to help speed things along. I do assist all three of them with getting dressed (ages 7, 3, and 2) even though the 7 and 3 year old *can* do it themselves. I help if they are dragging along.

- I have all of the toothbrushes and hair stuff in our downstairs bathroom and after they are dressed we do teeth and hair, then shoes and coats. The oldest puts the toothpaste on everyone's toothbrush. Sometimes my 3 year old does the toothbrushes if the 7 year old is too slow. I keep extra rags in the bathroom to clean up the spilled toothpaste once they are done.

I do have a very strict, drill sargent mentality in the morning and I often have to repeat myself. I find that it also helps to keep a "pack" mentality and keep the kids together and literally herd them along.

Charts never worked for us so I keep the tasks to one word - eat, dress, teeth, hair, shoes.

I keep the backpacks/purse/work bag on hooks right next to the door so we can grab them as we leave.

For breakfast we do cereal, oatmeal (the plain kind and I jazz it up with brown sugar and maple syrup), yogurt, hard boiled eggs (prepped the night before), and frozen waffles or pancakes (I make triple batches on the weekends and freeze them).



When we get home, everyone unpacks their own bags and puts anything that I need to look at on the desk. Dinner is either in the crockpot or has been placed in the oven in the morning. Our oven has a delay start feature that I absolutely love! Sometimes I do a one skillet meal also. I'd rather have the *time* with them then serve a fancy meal on work days. I save the fancy, time consuming meals for non-work days.

After dinner I clean the kitchen, run the dishwasher, and make lunches. I usually get the kids involved in the cleaning and lunch making. It makes it take longer, but at least we are together and they are learning how to help around the house. While the dishwasher is running we play and then do baths and bedtime. By then the dishwasher is done and I empty it real quick. My husband shared this time saving thing with me - empty the dishwasher and place everything on the counters by the cabinet that the stuff goes into - instead of directly into the cabinets. Then you can put all of the like items away at once instead of one item at a time. Does that make sense? It takes me like 2 minutes to empty our dishwasher now! I doing the dishwasher at night instead of having to work it into the morning.

Then I prep dinner for the next night if needed and then I get some *me* time.


It'll take some time for everyone to get the hang of your new routine - and your routine will change as you see what works for you and what doesn't. I know that you'll get there though!

[alison]

Trader Joe's has Belgian waffles in the freezer section. Dh whips up whipping cream and mixes in macadamia nuts. We pre-cut strawberries and put it all together in the morning. Really easy. I know you're struggling with wanting to put a meal together that is done with lurve, and macadamia nuts and whipping cream together is its own kind of love right there...