What were your PARENTS' dreams for you? Your dreams for your children?

[BonBon]

We've discussed in the past what we all wanted to do when we grew up. (I'm still waiting to grow up, honestly...)

What were your parents' hopes and dreams for your future career? I was a fairly decent artist working with charcoal and pastels/oil pastels. My mom fervently wanted me to go to school for art or graphic design and bought me tons of art supplies. I didn't actually enjoy it all that much and my dream was actually medical school, which my parents poo-pooed. (say what?!)

For my own children, I do hope they go into something relating to the sciences, be it health-related, engineering, etc. Not only will they almost be guaranteed a successful career, but it's stuff I can wrap my head around. The main objective of course is that they do something personally satisfying. So far their desires are: engineer (ds), orthodontist(dd1), dentist(dd2), physician(dd3). I am sure once they get beyond elementary school, that will change.

[corn poffi]

My parents' dream for me: not this.

But seriously, they just wanted us to go to college. They are pretty laid back, and just wanted us to experience college and be happy in our careers. I hope they're not disappointed in my dead end job, but I'm sure they are.

My dream for my kids: create a time machine so I can do it all over again!

Sorry, it's Friday and I'm crabby.

[SuzySunshine]

My parents, high school sweethearts who didn't go to college and have never had very good paying jobs wanted for me and my sisters to go to college, be a good marriage and be HAPPY!

My younger sister and I both have master's degrees and we are all 3 in happy marriages (one had to try twice) with happy kids.

My dream for my kids is that they find something they TRULY love! You have to work, its a fact of life, to live you have to work. Now you can work to live and not live to work but you will still spend a majority of your adult life at a job - my goal and dream for my kids is to find something they are TRULY good at and TRULY love so that their life is fulfilled. DH has found this, even with the hassles that come with being with a doc, he's happy in the OR, truly happy. And because of that he's a better dad/husband when he's home. I never found that, I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up - so my goal is to help my kids find that, truly WHATEVER that may be.

[BonBon]

My dream for my kids: create a time machine so I can do it all over again!
.

That's actually one of my fondest fantasies.

[Ladybug]

My parents wanted me to stick with science and have practical career options. I think nursing has definitely fallen into that category. It has served me (and my family) well and is flexible. I don't enjoy nursing as much as I do my creative hobbies, but I do have job security which enables the creative hobbies. I feel like there are still some unexplored interests in my life. It will be fun to see where they take me.

For my kids I just want them to feel passionate about their lives. I won't "help" them as much as my parents did (selected school, major, etc). I think my parents stunted me a bit with their good intentions.

[diggitydot]

What were your PARENTS' dreams for you? Your dreams for your children?

My mom pushed for me to become a physician, regardless of the fact that I've never had even the *slightest* interest in anything medically related. Not even almost. Mom also kept trying to set me up with med students who'd come to her office on clinical rotations. I was entirely grossed out and vowed to never date a medical person. She was pretty disappointed when I eventually married DH, who was a full-time student with 3 jobs at that point.

[peggyfromwastate]

I am a failure to my dad because I am a SAHM. I think he wanted me to get a professional job and rise in the ranks. I was going into pharmacy, and I think he saw me in a big pharm company kicking ass. I am competitive and probably would've climbed the ladder. But, alas, medical marriage and kids with needs. Lol. My mom didn't share dreams for me. I honestly don't think she thought about it. I'm pretty convinced she's suffered depression for years but has never been treated. My childhood memories of her are of her reading her paperbacks and being very cheerful and friendly (life of the party) socially, but being bitter and withdrawn at home. So I dont know if she had dreams. She was in survival mode.

My dreams: I'm way more hippy dippy than my parents lol. And I'm not hippy dippy at all. So my advice to dd18 as she embarks has been: don't give up your art, because you love it and you need to explore the area you love. Don't give up your interest in psych bc you are worried about the math. Just focus on what you love and do that. My focus is on my kids finding what they love, and doing that. Not worrying about the corporate ladder, wealth, etc. I routinely tell them all (because I'm Miss Sunshine) that there's not much point at them being wealthy because they will be taxed so high anyway. So they might as well enjoy what they do lol.

My dad sat dd18 down a few months ago to have "The Career Talk". Same talk he gave us kids. He told her she needed to find a focus she can get a job in. And that art will never employ her. Dream crusher!!! I told dd18 not to worry about it, and that I know lots of employed artists, and that she could be an artist and waitress combo and be happy or be in a cubicle and have more $ but be miserable most of her waking hours. That her focus needs to be on finding what she likes... And pursuing that.

Much as I am a disappointment to my dad, it doesn't matter. I can connect more with my mom now as I struggle through the identity void that is doctor wife/sahm. She and I understand how to corral a group of 15 3 year olds... And how to take care of different aged kids. Not the skills society values, but F society. Seriously.

[Thirteen]

I think to live well, marry a great partner, and have an education/contribute to society in a positive way.

I hope I checked off all those boxes.



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[MAPPLEBUM]

My mother especially wanted me to go into missions / service work. I was raised in an incredibly conservative 'no kiss until marriage' type of Protestant home. Even throughout high school I believed my calling was to go into missions / human services. I actually skipped 12th grade in order to go to one of the most conservative bible colleges in the country. Fortunately that one particular school didn't work out and I didn't have a back up plan. So at 16 I stayed home for a year and started playing cello again. A few choice meetings coupled with some good and bad experiences and here I am. By the end of college I was a pierced, tatted up atheist partying and engaging in let us say...very casual relationships. Fast forward a couple degrees later I finished school and went to volunteer full time with a religious youth shelter. My mother wrote me a whimsical letter about how she always knew I would come back to the Lord's calling for me. I guess she didn't realize a group like that would take atheists. She'd probably be horrified to know the things I told them about where I came from.

My whole family was wide eyed when DH and I started getting serious. And let's just say they sighed a deep breath when we got married. I think they were prepared for me to be the wild card for the rest of my life. Now they're just happy I'm in a stable and happy relationship. As long as DH and I remain atheists we'll both be disappointments to our families however. I got used to disappointing my family long ago and it doesn't seem to bother DH.

Edit: Thankfully I have so many siblings with kids the only pressure I ever get to procreate is from my MIL.

[MsSassyBaskets]

In short, I think my parents wanted me to do something impressive that would reflect well upon them. My mom has said many times that she thought I should be a lawyer. Never mind that I HATE conflict and argument, and public speaking makes me sick. Both of my parents discouraged my creativity as secondary to academics, and told me I shouldn't go into arts/humanities--shouldn't even be an English major!-- because I would never make any money. Now I find myself working to undo the damage they did. All I want for my future kids is that they find something they love and that makes them happy. I don't care if they're "poor" artists as long as they're sensible and can support themselves while doing what they love. Watch, my future kids will want to go into something STEM related, and I'll be absolutely baffled. As long as they're happy.

[Vishenka69]

I'm also a huge disappointment to my mom for choosing to br a SAHM. She still harps on this every day. My dad is satisfied that I got a good education. It was my mom who pushed me into a practical career and I went with Finance as least of all evils. Always hated it and the corporate world from day one. Got totally burned out by 29. I'm just not cut throat to make it in corporate finance. I'm way to laid back and I hate bullshit and corporate speak.

I'm not feeling very fulfilled by the current gig but not sure where to apply myself either. The decorating business is a nice tax write off but requires more time and energy than I currently have. I would have also done things very differently if given a chance.

I hope my kids find something that makes them happy and looking forward to the next day. But if they decide to be SAH parents or homeschool their kids that's cool too.

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[spotty_dog]

My parents expected the world from me. I still feel a little like a disappointment even though they would never breathe a hint of such around me. When I was in elementary it seemed like every time I displayed an interest or an aptitude it was all "engineer, architect, lawyer, veterinarian." But admittedly it was always up to me in the end.

For my kids...I want them to be well-educated, and to have an intellectual life and lots of options. I would rather they didn't live to work and subsume their individual selves in their profession. I want them to be healthy (time to exercise, money to buy good food) and not too terribly stressed.

[Phoebe]

I think my parents wanted me to be happy and they never gave me much direction, except to go to college. I sort of wish they had the sense to discuss my decisions and help me see the benefits/consequences. I would have done things differently. I think my mom's goal was for me to be able to take care of myself and be independent. For my children, I want to help them make choices that make them happy while still being practical. I want to help them walk through their choices for which college, careers and provide them support to let them make an educated decision. I would like to see them doing what they love and have a well-balanced life. I sort of see my oldest going into some type of helping profession (i.e., teaching or social sciences.) DD10 and DD7 will probably go into something science-related. My oldest has always wanted to be a coach and my younger two at this time want to be horse trainers.

[diggitydot]

What were your PARENTS' dreams for you? Your dreams for your children?

My desire for our three stooges is simply that they follow their own interests so that they can find something to enjoy every day.

I will be shocked to my core if DD1 is anything other than an artist of some type. She has significant natural talent and is learning the drive/ambition part of the equation, too. I don't know what kind of artist (visual or performing arts), but I can't see her doing anything else. It's who she is at her core.

DD2 is a type-A STEM-loving nerdlet. Again, I would be shocked if she didn't end up in some sort of sciences or engineering. She's a very logical and linear thinker. She's kind of the Vulcan of the family.

DS is a strange amalgamation of both his siblings. He has staggering natural artistic abilities, but is a whiz with math/sciences and picks up difficult concepts quickly and easily. I have no fucking clue what he'll end up doing. Disney Imagineer, maybe?

[Sheherezade]

Me three on the disappointment-to-mom-since-I-took-the-SAHM-route. My mom was one of the pioneering feminist working women generation and we kids were all latch key. That was not a good experience as a 6 year old and I think it shaped my own parenting decisions. So, despite the great role model for a woman being enormously successful at work, I ended up taking the off ramp from my own academic career when I had kids. I was a huge overachiever from preschool to grad school, so I'm sure that was a massive let down. My parents expected me to continue in science since I'd been doing research since 6th grade. It is my TRUE passion and I miss it every day. If life would allow, I'd still do research. It isn't possible for me to do that now.

Given my own broken heart from "following my dreams", I've tried to tell my kids that they should do what they love but be realistic. You need an income. You may need flexibility. Make sure your career path allows for these things - or at least be prepared that you might have to step off track at some point because of "life".

I must be a true nerd. I was truly heartbroken when I had to abandon my research to move with my husband and tend to two small kids. Building a biochemistry lab in the basement and doing my own animal research down there seems like super villian move, though! I don't want my kids to go through that.