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SAHM trap??

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  • SAHM trap??

    I don't mean to start any mudslinging by adding SAHM to my post--I just have a question. Now that we are in the attending years and my kids are hitting school age, I have begun plotting my return to working life. My DH is supportive, but I'm wondering if the medical community doesn't make this harder. Let me explain--

    My husband's practice is growing and contains several working parents. It seems when call schedules are set up and OR time is assigned, the two docs who have SAH wives get the crappiest and most unpredictable schedules. This makes sense, because if I were the working mom with the working doc husband and two kids, I'd be making sure I had the solid schedule, too. Still, where does that leave me? DH's practice is "family friendly"--a fact we love-- but the family friendliness seems to be backfiring. If we push for a more solid schedule for him while I get my act in gear, we are screwing over another working family that is arguably in more need than us currently. I don't know anyone here to babysit/provide care and honestly--if we moved here for the family friendliness, shouldn't we get some of it too?

    I love being home with my kids and would like to weasel my way into a flexible job situation. As I see things developing, DH is going to become a clean up man because he has parenting back-up (me) when others don't. He has actually been warned by the other doc's SAH wife not to let that happen to us--she's been in this position for 15 years!!! DH wanted more control over his schedule, but it doesn't seem like he's going to get it without being an **s hole to some other parents. I hate this. It just adds to my difficulties with getting out there--we don't need the money, and I want my kids to have me around, now this I'm not even asking for that much time--just a certainty that he will be able to BE THERE for the kids. We aren't getting that, partially because others need it more. I never anticipated this.

    Has anyone else had this problem?

    Angie
    Angie
    Gyn-Onc fellowship survivor - 10 years out of the training years; reluctant suburbanite
    Mom to DS (18) and DD (15) (and many many pets)

    "Where are we going - and what am I doing in this handbasket?"

  • #2
    Wow, I would never have even considred this. If my dh stays on at the University he is training at (good chance he will) a lot of the other attendings have spouses who are doctors as well. It does seem likely that the doc with the SAH spouse would wind up with the crappier schedule. I was planning on getting my Master's degree when the baby is in school and finding a part-time job after that, so I'll have to pay a little more attention to how the schedules are worked out.
    Good question--I'll be curious to see if anybody else has noticed this.
    Awake is the new sleep!

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    • #3
      I have to say I honestly think that is wrong. His schedule should't have anything to do with wether or not you are at home, at work or getting a three hour massage. I think that is called discrimination. He is being penalized for having kids and a stay at home spouse. Just my opinion. I have never expected the nusres with no kids to work the crappy shifts just because I have kids. I also don't want to start mudslinging, just my opinion!!!!!
      Luanne
      Luanne
      wife, mother, nurse practitioner

      "You have not converted a man because you have silenced him." (John, Viscount Morely, On Compromise, 1874)

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      • #4
        I have to say that I agree with Luanne. (I don't want to offend anyone, especially since I don't have kids and can't speak from that perspective.) But I don't think it seems fair that you and your family should have to pick up the slack and get the crappy hours just because other families are less 'flexible' in their schedules. Your time is your time, whether you have kids and a SAHP or not. You have to do what is best for you and your family, and if what is best is for you is to get out of the house and start working then you should do it. It just doesn't seem right to me that the schedule is currently being divvied up based on who 'needs' it the most. Don't feel about wanting to do this for yourself.
        ~Jane

        -Wife of urology attending.
        -SAHM to three great kiddos (2 boys, 1 girl!)

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