Professional self-confidence

[PrincessFiona]

Anyone here suffer from periodic bouts of professional low self-esteem? The labs began this week and I taught the Mon am first lab..which meant that I had a new TA sitting in on my section to watch and see 'how to do things'.

This of course meant that I became so nervous that I blacked out on ... everything and just limped through the lab. grrr at myself. The TA had to leave early, and when she did I started to 'come down' a little bit and felt like I was able to connect much better with the students....

But...this TA happens to be in charge of curriculum development etc at our neighboring private institution and it really made me more nervous than I usually am....but...I am pretty nervous about talking in public without having someone watching my every move.

In any case, I saw her today and she went over her whole lab with me and basically let me know that she was doing all of the things that I had failed to do (ie adding on where she felt I didn't go far enough) and I just feel deflated.

My teeny ego can't withstand much, can it????

Anyone else go through bouts of these professionaly uncertainty? My only recourse here is to overprepare this week/weekend and go in guns-a-blazin on Monday...so she can see I'm not a total loser....but just the idea leaves me feeling under more pressure.

kris

Kris, yeah, I've had days like that. It sucks, doesn't it? Often it turns out that no one's really judging me as harshly as I think they are or as harshly as I'm judging myself. I tend to take everything personally.

I'm sure the lab will get more comfortable for you after you get used it and you don't notice the TA's presence as much. Practicing at home will help, but don't prepare SO much that you get too nervous/worked up about the pressure.

Don't be so hard on yourself-- next week will be better!

[PrincessFiona]

thanks...I am feeling a little droopy about it all today. I sure hope next Monday is better...

[Auspicious]

Ooh, I just discovered this thread but I have to go home and can't write my whole answer now. Short version: YES! It's time for annual reviews at my office this week and it's prompting some kind of mini-meltdown in me. I'm not expecting a bad review at all, and objectively I think everything is fine and looks good with my career, but for reasons I'm still trying to fully figure out, I just feel bad about work. Really bad.

You're not alone. It's a fixable situation for both of us, I'm sure.

[PrincessFiona]

Do share! I am really going through some professional ups and downs. I'm contemplating writing about it all in the private forums. I just haven't decided yet. I can't tell how much of what is going on is me and how much isn't.

I will add that I overprepared for yesterday's lecture and that it was probably the best lecture I've ever given...of course, no one was there observing me to see it The student response was good though overall and I felt like for the most part I did a good job. It was very interactive and the classroom was a real learning environment.

I am allowed to choke though once, aren't I? I just...I am under a lot of pressure and there are some things going on that I am really, really unhappy about but don't know how to change.

kris

Kris,

I'm really glad to hear yesterday was better than last week. It really sounds like once you get more comfortable there, you won't have to prepare as much to feel confident about your lecture.

Try to forget about last week-- it's in the past, it was just a TA- not your boss- and you've improved.

I'm curious about what else is going on there, though.

[Auspicious]

I knew lecture would go better this week. It seems like public speaking is one of those things that gets easier the more you do it. And not only are you allowe to choke once, but I think if it's on the first day it doesn't even count.

I am really going through some professional ups and downs. ... I can't tell how much of what is going on is me and how much isn't.

I can relate to this right now. I will spill all soon. Reviews are supposed to be done by the end of the month, and I think I'll feel much better and things will be a bit clearer when that's over.

Hang in there . . .

[DCJenn]

Yes, Yes, Yes-

It happens to us all. I work with the most amazing group of people- pioneers in the field, to be honest. Some of them have been doing this longer than I have been alive.

But we still get our reports picked apart, (gotta have TWO spaces between every sentence, or apparently the world will actually stop spinning), we get stabbed in the back (we have three bosses- three different organizations- anyone with any organizational management experience will tell you that more than one boss is dumb, but three is a disaster), and we work under fairly high pressure curcumstances.

So, yeah, I feel pretty dumb about 95% of the time.

Jenn

Kris,

We all have days like this. Oh gosh, I HATE public speaking. I have a problem where when I speak in front of people, I start blushing and my chest and neck get all red and splotchy! Oh, it's awful! The splotchy thing must be hereditary because the same thing happens to my mom, aunts, cousins!

Kris, it sounds like your lecture this week went very well and you should really be proud of yourself! You are an amazing, intelligent person and you wouldn't have the job that you do now unless you were qualified for it.

Erica

[PrincessFiona]

Erica,

What's funny is that I got so enthusiastic about lecture this week because it went so well last week....and the whole thing pretty much fell flat I was all busy being interactive and forcing students to answer my questions while they whispered and talked with each other at the back table and had their heads on their bench (one of the middle tables)

The thing that I realized is that I'm putting so much into making an interactive and interesting presentation...then I ask a question about something I've just said and the person I'm asking looks at me with a 'duh' look on their face and doesn't know what I'm talking about.

It takes nerves of steel to be a teacher, I think....I'm going to have to grow into this role!!! I'll have to grow....a lot! 8)

[Flynn]

You'll get the hang of teaching in no time!!! You just need to be over prepared to start , AND realize you can't trouble shoot everything that happens.

Changing gears on the fly is a learned talent but it's really fun when you can do it and keep the flow of learning going. I only taught for 5 years but I got such a high out of following my students down different paths while bringing them back to the topic at hand. Connecting ideas that didn't seem to relate at all was exciting!

Find your style and then work like hell in the beginning to know your topic of the day inside and out. The rest will come. Trust yourself!!! It's totally normal to be scared out of your wits in the beginning but never let it show! They can smeall fear and even the nicest student will manipulate you if they can (I say this affectionately).

Finally, don't be intimidated by students who sound great --- like they know more than you do. You have something to offer them regardless of what they think of you. It's challenging to stump brilliant students in the interest of stretching their potential but it's good for you too!

Some of my best and most loyal students hated me (or thought I was an idiot) at first but I eventually won them over and we each learned from the other.

Hang in there.
Teaching is an amazing ride -- but a bit daunting at first. Give yourself some credit that you DO have something to offer them and then teach your butt off!!

[PrincessFiona]

Thank you for the great advice...... :!:
I really enjoy teaching, but my nerves do seem to get the best of me. I suppose that will subside as I become more confident. I find that I start to question myself and my ability and especially at the beginning of the semester I survey the group and am afraid that they know more than I do...and I'm sure that some of them do

It sounds like you were an awesome teacher....can I scream "help" "more advice please"? You are exactly the kind of teacher that I would like to become....

kris