How much to sacrifice?

I am new to this board, but I think only people who are dating or married to some in medicine can truely understand what that means. My boyfriend (finishing 3rd year) have been dating for 7 months. I am finishing my first year of my Ph.D. (sometimes I think we are both crazy ). The issue that I need some advice on is that my boyfriend wants to get married after he graduates next spring since he will have some time off before starting his internship. There is part of me that totally wants to jump on that, but next year I have classess to take, my research is going to really be getting going, and I have to take my comps in the spring. Needless to say I'm going to be a little stressed as it is without throwing in planning a wedding. Did I mention he wants to get married in CA and we live in DC? He doesn't seem to realize that a wedding doesn't just happen that it is going to take a lot of time and money that neither one of us are going to have. On the other hand, there is probably never going to be a time when we both have a lot a free time so maybe I should just go with it? We both really try to make our relationship a priority, but I also don't want to fail my comps because I'm trying to plan a wedding. I'm really struggling with how much to bend for this relationship without sacrificing my career completely.

[mommax3]

Do YOU want to get married? Seven months is not a huge amount of time, really, although it can be more than enough for some people. I am just not seeing in your post your desire to be married, although it may be there.

What specialty is your boyfriend going to pursue? He will have some time between graduation and internship, but what if he matches far away from where you are studying? Are you guys prepared for a long-distance marriage? Despite the time off, an intern is not the ideal doting husband, so it could be a tough first year of marriage, but honestly, many times the first year is the toughest no matter what else is going on.

Bottom line......if you BOTH want to get married more than anything else, do it. There are as many ways to wed as there are people, and if being married to this guy by this time next year is what you want, you will find a way to plan it, etc. while fulfilling your other responsibilities. (And he will too.....he will have to pitch in, that's for sure.) However, if he is just looking at it like something he wants to accomplish before the hell that is intern year begins, I suggest holding off.....maybe a long engagement? Depending on his specialty, things may lighten up a little (or a lot, or not at all) after intern year, and your marriage may get off to a better start in a couple of years, after you are finished with school and he is through the stress of being an intern.

Only you can decide this. Don't be afraid to follow your gut.....if you are not sure, you owe it to yourself to wait until you are. Being married to someone in medical training is not easy and requires a lot of committment, because you end up spending quite a bit of time alone, which is no fun when you are a newlywed. Wait until you are sure.

Sally