I'm a little torn

[SueC]

Ever since our first child was born (2.5 years ago) I have been home. I consider myself a stay-at-home mom, however I have always worked out of the home, doing childcare, marketing, and a few other things (sometimes working 3 jobs out of the home at the same time which drove me absolutely insane!). Basically, my husband loves having me at home, but we have accumulated enough expenses which necessitate (is that a word?) me bringing in income. In January, I figured I might as well start my own business if I HAVE to work on the side, so I began starting my own medical billing business. My parents even loaned me the 5K for my initial start-up. They aren't in a big hurry for me to pay them back, but I hate owing them money. Just recently, the little boy I babysat from the time he was born started preschool, so I now have no job. I love being able to focus on the family and running the household instead of working out of the home and my husband even seems to enjoy it as well. The other day he commented that maybe if he started moonlighting I wouldn't have to work at all. While I would love this (basically if he did one shift a month, we would be able to live pretty decently), I still owe my parents money, have invested a lot of time in starting this business, and don't want to appear flighty to all the people who know I'm trying to start a business. I have a little time to figure out what I want to do, because as much as I marketed, I haven't even been successful signing on a client anyway. And I'm not even sure how sincere my husband was about moonlighting so that I don't have to work anyway. He was in a really good mood at the time, and hasn't brought it up since. So now I am pretty torn about what to do. I'm still marketing for my business, though I've lost my enthusiasm somewhat. I know once I sign on a client, there really is no turning back as far as this business goes. Any advice out there???

How about a serious, heart- to-heart talk away from home and child(ren)? Sounds like a big decision that you and your husband need to be able to talk about without the distraction of children, resposnsibilites at home, the phone ringing, etc. Factor in what extra your husband would need to work to pay back your parents.

It's definitely one of those decisions that you have to do what is best for you and your family. Good luck!

Wendy

[Phoebe]

Sue- I understand your concern about this issue. Up until last month, I was working part-time on a research project while staying at home with our baby. It is tough for us to live on his salary alone. At times I feel guilty that I should be contributing more to our financial situation and don't always enjoy taking on the responsibilities that come with being a SAHM (cleaning etc). Factoring in child-care and an income I would earn don't add up to what my husband can make moonlighting. He has been doing this on top of his regular fellowship responsibilities which leaves little to no time together as a family. Each situation comes with advantages and disadvantages. Like Wendy said, it is a decision you and your husband need to make for what is best for your family.

I wish you the best of luck in finding a solution.

Jennifer

Sue,

I'm not sure that I have any words of wisdom here. I know that doing a business from home takes a lot of time and that it can cause the attention to drift from what needs to be done in the house...ie children, laundry, etc....and I can completely appreciate your feelings of cold feet ie when you sign on a client there is no turning back. I think that my biggest difficulty with being at home is often a lack of financial independence..At times I've considered getting an evening job to make things easier financially but also to feel like I'm contributing...at the same time, I don't want the stress or the responsibility of having to come through for someone other than my family. It is a tug-of war.

One of our members here, Robin does medical transcription work from home. If she doesn't end up seeing this post, you might try starting a post with her name in the subject line in the general discussion forums I think she would be a great contact for you and could fill you in on how it has worked from her perspective.

Kris

Hi Sue,

Welcome to the group! If you are going to be running your own business here are a few books I recommend you reading:

Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki
Cash Flow Quadrant by Robert Kiyosaki
eMyth by Michael Gerber

A few months ago, I started reading "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" and it changed my life. Before that, I was a corporate exec working in corporate America. Now, I have started my own real estate investing corporation.

Hope that helps! Good luck with the business!

-Rachel

My husband has a moonlighting gig he lined up when we moved to Boston that pays very well for very little time. Now that his fellowship is in its most demanding years, the 3-4 hours seeing patients is noticable time away from the family, but we've decided it's a small effect versus the huge effect it would have on things if I started back working. I would find out what moonlighting your husband can do and all the specifics involved because in my experience there are a ton of different types of moonlighting jobs available to "make ends meet" . Ours is a good deal for us, but some of the others a wouldn't go for...

Angie

My husband set up his moonlighting almost as soon as he got the fellowship---everyone (single, married, dual-income,SAHparent) in this fellowship for the last 5-6 has moonlighted. I don't think you could survive in Boston on the salary even as a single person. In fact, one of our friends who did this fellowship 2 years ago started it without arranging moonlighting and stayed in the hospital's housing. Trusting soul, she didn't evaluate the salary or anything until she was already here. The first month, she found out after paying her rent she had 100 dollars left for all her remaining expenses!!!! Needless to say, the department arranged moonlighting for her that month. The only person my husband resents about moonlighting is whoever decided the pay scale here!! Sadly, he often makes more in one Saturday morning as a "real" doctor than he does in an entire month as a fellow.
That said, every marriage is different--my husband relies on me being home to assuage his guilt for not being here with the kids/community/extended family etc--not entirely healthy, but I don't have a lot of pressure to bring home the bacon. If you do, if it were me, that might tip the scales to running a limited home business. That could be very rewarding! I have several neighbors here that have very successful home businesses and patchwork "mother's helper" type childcare for the kids underfoot. They seem very happy. I personally have always fantasized about having just that arrangement, but haven't had the initiative to do it. Maybe my husband should be more resentful....

Angie

[Phoebe]

I wouldn't say my husband resents me because he is moonlighting because we made the decision together that I would stay home with our daughter. He feels less stressed by moonlighting also because it helps pay our bills. His moonlighting is in-house call on the maternity ward so it is like a call night. He just started moonlighting from home to cover an outlying hospital as well.

The only time we dealt with resentful from him was when I first stopped working after the birth of our daughter and money got really tight. He felt like he was working hard to make money and I was the one always at home spending it (i.e., grocery shopping, buying diapers, and paying the bills). He doesn't have any problems with our arrangement after seeing what I do all day and knowing how happy our daughter is.

Jennifer

[SueC]

Thanks for the advice guys--I know I need to have a chat with my husband about all of this. I'm worried that if he is expected to moonlight to make ends meet, he will resent me for it. On the flip side, I worry that if I get a client and my household duties suffer (which they will!), then he might resent my job. If I had my druthers, I wouldn't work out of the home at all. I think I'll go through the pros and cons of both scenarios with him and maybe we can decide which will be the best option. Basically, I don't want to decide for him that he will moonlight so I can focus on the family, I think only he can really make that choice. By the way, did any of you whose husbands moonlight so that you can stay home find them later becoming a little resentful about it?

Aren't mother in laws special?

Angie

[SueC]

I hope I didn't give anyone the impression that I personally think there is anything wrong with a husband who moonlights so that his wife can stay home. I think its admirable and I sincerely hope my husband decides that is what he wants to do. Actually it hadn't occured to me that he might resent me for it until my mother-in-law speculated about it. (I think she was just being an over-protective mother not wanting her son to be over-worked so his wife could sit on the couch and eat bon-bons all day!) Anyhow, I just didn't want anyone to think I was critical of that type of arrangement!

[Phoebe]

Don't even get me started on mother-in-laws!

Jennifer