tell me I'm not the only one

[scarlett09]

Flying to Reno is such a huge hassle from the east coast! So much so that that was one of my criteria in residency location selection.

I can see why you live where you do - direct flights to RNO! It is absolutely ridiculous to find anything under $400/RT and, because it is the weekend before Thanksgiving, the prices are way higher.

One question: do you guys attend weddings on your own if the doctor is not able to go? Obviously weddings for my friends and family are one thing but what about his friends or family? I'm close with some of his friends but it seems kinda weird to go without him.

I have attended a couple weddings solo while DH has been on call. I did not enjoy either. I go to a lot of events without DH and generally consider myself very independent, but weddings just make me want to be with my husband. I will avoid going alone again unless it's a really close friend and I know lots of other guests with whom to dance.

[poky]

My understanding was that this is required if you can afford it. That you send a gift even if you can't attend.

Nope:

DEAR MISS MANNERS -- I grew up with the rule that a wedding invitation requires a gift, even if the invitee does not attend the wedding. But friends have been telling me that rule is obsolete.

I've been invited to the wedding of a first cousin twice removed, whom I haven't seen since she was 5. Her parents and I are in touch only through Christmas cards.

I have no idea why I was invited and have no intention of going to the wedding, which will not be in my town. It would involve an expensive overnight hotel stay.

Must I send a gift?

GENTLE READER -- Those among whom you grew up were generous but misinformed. If you find this disillusioning, Miss Manners notes that at least it will save you money.

Getting married does not grant people license to distribute bills to those who are minding their business. A wedding invitation is merely an offer of hospitality.

As such, it must be answered, one way or the other, and it should also prompt a letter wishing the couple happiness.

There is nothing wrong with also sending a present, but that is certainly not required.

(from http://www.newsnet5.com/dpp/lifestyl...s1273755954846)

[NYCHoosier]

One thing I see often on The Knot (I post on some of their boards frequently) is brides who block off rooms for their guests at really expensive hotels. Like--$250 would be a good deal. Who can afford that? I shopped every dang hotel in the area to find the best price (if you are ever going anywhere, check out Hyatt Places--they have ridiculously nice rooms for under $100/night) because we had so many people who we knew were stretching their budgets to come.

$250/night would be a good deal for a nice hotel in NYC. Prices have gone down a bit since I worked in event planning, but our room blocks were typically in the $400/night range. The room block for our wedding was $90/night in Indiana...but it's important to keep in mind where these places are.
Fortunately, I have half a dozen explicit offers for places to stay in NY, so that's a relief. ...Of course, I have a good 5-10 years before my friends in NY start getting married.

Annnyway, to answer the original question, we try to avoid going into any sort of long-lasting debt over weddings. We might put a bit on the credit cards, but we make sure to pay it off within a couple months. At least we're now within driving distance of our Midwestern friends who ARE getting married this stage of life. That helps.

[SoonerTexan]

The room block for our wedding was $90/night in Indiana...but it's important to keep in mind where these places are.

The particular one I was thinking of was in Dallas. I know the hotel--one of the more swanky places in the city. I'd hate to go to a New York wedding without a place to stay!

[DCJenn]

When I was engaged and married to my first husband we were the people who would be in your wedding. I swear, it was stupid how many weddings one or both of us were in (of course, this was prime wedding age-mid 20s) That's when we invented the gift that kept on giving- the ugliest and tackiest vase EVER was passed on with each concurrent gift tag tossed into the vase. Rewrapped in lovely paper. It became such a standing joke that the next couple looked forward to figuring out which gift was The Ugly Vase. It became the gift that kept on giving becaue one of his cousins regifted it to us without removing all of the evidence.

Jenn

[Chrisada]

Luckily no close family members have gotten married during med. school or I'm sure we would have gone into debt too. DH was asked to be in a wedding a few months ago, and he had to decline because we just could not afford it. I'm missing a friend's wedding this week because there is no way we could afford for me to fly to her wedding. We also have a very close friend getting married in the Bahamas. Yup,we'll be missing that too. I need for everyone to get married once DH is an attending and making the big bucks.

[ladymoreta]

Ugh, I just got the full story about the tuxes... So DH's parents gave BIL the money to pay for everyone's tuxedoes. He couldn't find his debit card that day, so DH paid for them, expecting to be repaid as soon as BIL could get a check or find his debit card and go to an ATM. BIL ended up spending the money instead. He doesn't have a credit card, so he used it for necessities, but still... It's been over a month, so we're paying interest on it now! I know BIL doesn't want to have a credit card and debt, but we don't want the debt either!

Sorry, ranting is complete. I do feel bad for them. They just moved to a new city, BIL starts law school next month, and the summer job he got at The Gap just cut his hours. His wife hasn't found a job yet. So I know they need all the money they can get right now. And his parents aren't really giving him more money because he's married now, and they just spent about $10,000 on the wedding. (Yeah, the groom's parents! I don't want to know how much his wife's parents spent!)

I'm feeling really bad that we have been using our VISA constantly lately but I don't see any other solution.

I hear you there. We just moved across the country to start residency, and interview season had already started to strain the bank. Flights from the west coast to 8 non-west coast programs, plus all related travel expenses and attire...$$$

Then, this is the summer two of my oldest friends (one from elementary and one from middle school) are each getting married. Back home. Where we just moved from. Both were in my wedding. So two weeks after moving, I flew back for one wedding, and I'll be going back for the second one in two weeks!

TRY, TRY, TRY, to keep your vacay on track, even if it means scaling it back on the budget and going camping, etc instead of a condo. Having that time together is sooooo important. Good luck!

[SoonerTexan]

I do feel bad for them. They just moved to a new city, BIL starts law school next month, and the summer job he got at The Gap just cut his hours. His wife hasn't found a job yet. So I know they need all the money they can get right now. And his parents aren't really giving him more money because he's married now, and they just spent about $10,000 on the wedding.

Haha, I about freaked today when I thought I wasn't going to get my first paycheck until August 30th (luckily I think that was a typo), so I do understand. But still--it isn't your problem! You guys got married younger and made it, right?

[Meenah]

He couldn't find his debit card that day

Convenient for him. I would just assume that you will never see that money. He spent the cash knowing he didn't have the means to replace it. They seem to be willing to let you pay off the credit card. It totally sucks when people (especially family) take advantaqge of you. They are probably thinking the "Dawkter" thoughts. Do I sound bitter?

[ladymoreta]

Yeah, we're not really expecting it back. (We've had our share of losses when lending to family and friends.) It's so disappointing because usually BIL isn't like that. I think he does tend to think we're better off than we are, but to just spend the money seems really out of character. More so than we need the money, DH wants to be able to trust and respect his brother, so I really hope he pays it back as soon as he can.

[Meenah]

You could ask him to make the credit card payments!

[ladymoreta]

Hehe I like that! Alas, I'll keep out of it, but it would be great!...

[SoonerTexan]

You're too nice!

Maybe make it his birthday/Christmas present for a really really long time?