Wills

[Deebs]

I don't remember exactly how it's listed, but we basically have a list (in order) of who will become our kids' guardians, but then there's some kind of clause where my parents (who aren't on that list) and attorney (who is a best friend of H's and our executor) have a final determination. It's basically so that H's family absolutely can't get the kids, but if there is something going on that precludes someone from becoming a guardian at that time, there's some wiggle room to make for the best fit.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[SuzySunshine]

If there is no will everything goes into probate and a judge decides who gets the kid (at least this is what our lawyer told us). If the two families would agree and it wouldn't be tenuous then they'd probably go with what the family agreed upon - our family would not agree so everything is spelled out very clearly in our will. Clear down to money for college, weddings, if they wanted to start a business with their trust what steps they'd have to go through, etc.

[bokelley]

If there is no will everything goes into probate and a judge decides who gets the kid (at least this is what our lawyer told us). If the two families would agree and it wouldn't be tenuous then they'd probably go with what the family agreed upon - our family would not agree so everything is spelled out very clearly in our will. Clear down to money for college, weddings, if they wanted to start a business with their trust what steps they'd have to go through, etc.

This is how my trust is setup, if I ever want to touch it outside of the aging out process it has to go to a board of 7 to be voted on. The board includes some family members, lawyers and personal finance member. It is set at 7 so that there is never a tie.

[SoonerTexan]

Well crap, I did a little reading and realized we need a will even if just one of us died. I didn't know all the property doesn't go directly to the surviving spouse, but is divided among the spouse and kids. That isn't something I want either of us to have to deal with if one of us dies!

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

We haven't yet because we can't figure out who gets the kids.

[Pollyanna]

We haven't yet because we can't figure out who gets the kids.

This is the hardest part. Dh and I haven't updated ours in about 15 years when we only had two kiddos. Back then it was easy to assign them to my folks as they were fairly young and both healthy. Since then my dad has died and my mom would be in no position to raise little ones (although she would if she had to). We are stuck between my brother and sil, who are awesome but would require a move for our kiddos and our oldest children (dd will soon be 20 and ds 18). Leaving them to their siblings seem like an unreasonable expectation but in the face of tragedy we don't necessarily find it unreasonable and the older kids wouldn't want to be separated from their younger sibs (in their own words). So here we are...Likely we will name dd and ds as guardians with assistance from my brother and sil in some way...and then dh and I will always travel separately...

[houseelf]

I did our first set of "sweetheart" wills (I give you everything and vice versa) during residency basically to name an individual and two alternates of where the child would go. We didn't have a lot back then so it was straight forward. Basically I was trying to prevent certain individuals from being considered as a guardian. I think a "Miss America" clause is important because wills don't get changed that often. If five years from now the named guardian has a terminal disease, who would you like the kids to go to next.

Two years ago as a newer attending family, we went to a probate attorney who set up a trust, placed our home in the trust, and created all the docs we needed: (healthcare POA, living will, will, trust, etc.). As of right now my mom is the named guardian but I can see changing this in the next five years once our oldest emancipate. As wonderful and spry as my mom is, she is definitely showing signs of aging that would preclude considering her taking on the parenting mantle for another 15 years. Like Pollyanna said, it isn't ideal to have such a young adult, but really in our situation, it would be best. I will probably appoint DH's sister to act as a special advocate in such instance.

This is SO important. Please do this. Even if it is a quickie online version. While invalid wills technically might not be probated, I can tell you that judges are human. If they see that mom and dad tried to appoint an individual as guardian, they will take that into consideration to the guardian-ad-litem's recommendations. (Again NOT ideal, but it's the truth).

[Deebs]

If you don't know who to choose for your children's guardian, I'll do it! (Kidding, kind of). We are listed as guardians for three families we are not related to (we are really, really best friends though and agree with most of each other's parenting decisions). I love those kids as much as my own nieces and nephews, and nearly as much as my kids. DH and I didn't take accepting the responsibility lightly, at all. One of the families is Jewish, and the mom and I even discussed Bar Mitzvah planning (this was pre Pinterest) for her boys, just in case, so they would be as close to how she would plan them as possible. If you're struggling, sometimes friends do become more family than your own family. I guess I'd encourage anyone struggling with that decision not to be afraid to consider someone who isn't blood related.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Yeah, I think we're going to ask our friends here from residency. While the kids are little, I think they'd be the best option and maybe if my brother gets married/decides he believes in God, we'll change that in a few years.

For us, we don't want to send our kids to either family and/or someone who doesn't share our faith - I know that's insane to some but based on our beliefs, it's eternity we're talking about here!

If it's non-family, how do you specify family involvement? Just because I don't want our families as custodians, I also do want them to see them regularly.

[v-girl]

My mom is 71, but a young 71, so I guess we would choose her. She's the only devout practicing Catholic who could take them. My very close friend and I agreed we would do our best to homeschool the other's children if something happened to one of us. We have enough life ins on me to cover a nanny. That's about our only preparation. DH has said he would ask my mom to move in if something happened to me.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Mrs. MD, Esq.]

This terrifies me about having kids...we don't have anybody we'd feel great about leaving them with...

[Deebs]

T&S - When our friends asked us, I scheduled a sit down to really discuss how they wanted their kids raised. I wanted to make sure I could really fulfill their wishes (the first couple asked us before we had kids of our own - weren't they trusting?). We hashed out thoughts on higher education, family visits, summer day camps, summer over night camps, the kinds of vacations they hoped their children would have, whether or not they thought the kids would study abroad, etc. it was actually pretty fun, but I know TONS about how those families, ideally, want to raise their children.

[SuzySunshine]

My only fear is that we have asked my little sister and they now live in PA so is something were to happen to us they'd not only lose their parents they'd be uprooted from their school and all 4 grandparents.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

T&S - When our friends asked us, I scheduled a sit down to really discuss how they wanted their kids raised. I wanted to make sure I could really fulfill their wishes (the first couple asked us before we had kids of our own - weren't they trusting?). We hashed out thoughts on higher education, family visits, summer day camps, summer over night camps, the kinds of vacations they hoped their children would have, whether or not they thought the kids would study abroad, etc. it was actually pretty fun, but I know TONS about how those families, ideally, want to raise their children.

That sounds great - I just don't know if I can force that kind of meeting on someone. This couple doesn't have kids but they're trying (damn infertility). But they're so helpful around my kids, I literally have no doubt the kind of parents they'll be.

[Pollyanna]

Maybe we need some sort of iMSN tragedy team....that sounds awful, but y'all know what mean.

My folks were listed as guardians for our dear friends that are Jewish and it was understood that their boys would still be raised Jewish. The parents used to joke to their kids that they better hope nothing happens to them because Mrs. A will have their butts in the synagogue all the time, lol.