Finishing Training, Starting Anew - Talk me down!

[Sheherezade]

As someone recently "out" of the horror of training, I have to second Kris' suggestion to SLOW DOWN and wait and see. DH's salary more than tripled, but with all the new expenses I have still been watching the budget religously. Seriously. I don't know precisely why, but it isn't like we've been swimming in cash yet. The first half of the year brought a ton of purchases for our new digs (mostly unfun stuff like trash cans and window shades). Also, we began saving in earnest - for retirement and college. We also changed our life insurance. Long story short, lots more cash going out as well as coming in. Only now, at the end of the first year out, do I feel I have a handle on our cash flow. Also, you don't know what type of expenses you might have in your new locale. Two shockers for me:

1. There isn't any such thing as an indoor rec pool near our town, so if you want a swim lesson anytime other than summer you have to join a country club. We haven't, but it seems like a lot of people do. They are pretty pricey, and were not in my original life plan. After this winter, I'm considering it. (Ditto health club memberships with the uncleared sidewalks!)

2. The practice my husband joined throws some very nice department parties for maybe 50 people. I turned white when the hosting partner of the last one said "Next one's at your place!!"" Now we will have to buy living room furniture I guess!! Or just embrace the role of the bohemian and get Gallo wine....

3. I never condsidered the expense of playing "catching up with the Joneses" - much less keeping up. Now that we are settled, it is obvious that all the other families our age have been at work feathering their nests for years and years. I didn't think this would bother me, but there is definitely the feel that DH and I are college kids and everyone else is a grown up. We need so many things to fill up this house and get to where all the other families are. The impulse and the pressure to buy it all was very strong when we moved in -- I had to do a lot of talking myself down to avoid going in the hole. People really do expect a certain thing when they hear doctor - and (at least in my experience) they don't expect it when you are in training. Somehow, they expect you to go through the door of July 1 and come out in Prada with your decorator on your arm. Didn't happen here.

I hate to be the buzz kill - but I wish someone had told me I'd experience this wierd dissastifaction after finally having ENOUGH money. Take your time.

Or just embrace the role of the bohemian and get Gallo wine....

You could build an entire theme around that!

When we first moved into our house last year I thought we would have the place fully furnished within 2-3 months. Well, here we are almost a year later and it is still mostly unfurnished....partly because furniture is so darn expensive (I usually wait to buy something until it goes on sale) and partly because it takes so long to find just the right pieces. I was overwhelmed at first by how much furniture we needed to buy so I ended up making a list of what we needed for each room (furniture, rugs, window treatments, lamps, etc...). Each month I buy a few items from the list. Slowly, but surely, we are getting our house furnished!

Pottery Barn does have high quality furniture. We just bought a dining room table from them and it is solid. I tried moving it a few inches to center it in our dining room and the thing wouldn't budge! I also have a collection of PB catalogs that I like browsing through for inspiration...I just love the way they decorate each room. PB had a round kitchen table that I loved, but it was $800. I found a similar one made by Broyhill and it was only $200!

If you do go the route of buying high end furniture, check out furniture dealers in High Point, NC. Since a good chunk of the furniture sold in the US is made in High Point, you can often times get furniture directly from High Point for 40-60% less than what you would pay at a retailer.

It takes time to furnish a house, so just take your time and buy furniture that you love! And, if you ever want to get out of hosting a dinner party, you can always use the "I'd love to, but my house is still not furnished" excuse.

(

IMO leather makes sense with kids because it's easy to keep clean

Mine too! You should have seen the look on the salespersons face though when they discovered I wasn't doing my hubby's den. Apparently not many parents have caught on to the practicality of leather.

And, if you ever want to get out of hosting a dinner party, you can always use the "I'd love to, but my house is still not furnished" excuse.

Nah, just say you are redecorating the whole thing and your designer made you get rid of all your (whatever style they are using at the moment) because it was woefully out of style.

We have been feathering our nests for pushing 15 years, and place still looksunfurnished compared to other peoples. I think its because we are minimalists, and like sleek mid century looking stuff. Our friends just don't "get" our sensibilities. I also know that LOTS of the furniture they have came from relatives who were redecorating as they sent their kids off to college, or downsizing to move into retirement communities. Also, it took them at least 10 years to slowly build up their decor.

I sometimes wonder if that expectation for physicians will be weirder for us, considering we will be hobbling out of residency at the ripe old age of 45. By that age people will be on their 3rd home, at least. We'll be right back where your average mid 20's person is. Good maude, we are insane...[/quote]

[Amiens]

I hate to be the buzz kill - but I wish someone had told me I'd experience this wierd dissastifaction after finally having ENOUGH money. Take your time.

I don't think you buzz killed anything at least not for me. You confirmed what I have been thinking and feeling. But I am a planning nut when it comes to finances. I am just a huge cheap-o-skate..... (sorry I am blaming pregnancy hormones) I think I am abnormal, paranoid and neurotic about money as I have us budgeting to set aside so much each month in case we owe taxes. I could care less what my neighbors think of the stuff I have. I know the neighborhood we are moving into is pretty upscale for Boise, but if other people our age have been feathering their nests longer than so be it- they've had more time and haven't had to deal with the constraints and hardships of medical school and residency.

I figure and feel that we won't be out of the poorhouse until some things have occurred- my school loans, Matt's loans, and our house are completely paid off. I have gotten so used to living without things that I think why even start having them in my life, such as cable. I will probably still shop at consignment stores for my kids clothes, and buy stuff for me only when my own clothing becomes obviously in need of replacing. I guess the way I see it, I would rather look poor and not have a lot of stuff and know that I have some money in the bank than buy a bunch of nice stuff, look good, and have $0 in the bank (and possibly be in debt for it). Plus a little worry of mine- what if the group decides to scale back and let's go of Matt? Just little things I like to plan for....this is coming from a kid who grew up with parents who didn't plan well.

I was going to add don't forget to think about medical association dues, conferences, journal subscriptions, state license renewal, etc. that you will have to pay out of pocket, unless there is something in the contract that the group picks up some or all of these costs.

Is anyone else slow to decide like me? I can't fathom having my home furnished in 3 months, let alone going and just picking out a room full of furniture at once. That freaks me out. I think maybe in a year I will have our kitchen painted. (notice no new furniture picked out hehehe! that would be too much for me). If this gives you any clue- I have been married 7 years and still don't have a bed frame- partly because if I do see something that I fall in love with, I say nope can't pay for it without going into debt for it, not gonna buy it. I think it will take me a good 2 more years to decide what I want. I am feeling a bit guilty using some of Matt's bonus money (lucky for us the group took out taxes for us) to buy bunk beds for kids to have in the new house-- then again they are from IKEA.

Sorry to highjack.....

Crystal

[Sheherezade]

Crystal, I'm right there with you!! What surprised me, I guess, was the pressure to acquire a certain lifestyle has come from my DH's partners and our own families. I wasn't expecting that. There opinion weighs more heavily on me than just ... other people. In fact, sometimes I have worried that the "partners" might not think we fit in to the practice because we have cheap stuff and drive old cars. (One partner has told my husband repeatedly --"You have to do something about your car!!") I think they are only teasing us - but when it's your boss, you have to wonder. They family stuff is really on my mind lately because the MIL is coming to visit next week. She is a doctor's wife in the traditional "dawkter's wife" sense. She has been waiting sooo long for her son to be done, I think she's going to be dissapointed that the kids aren't dressed in Lacrosse and we aren't playing tennis at the club every day. My husband tells me he doesn't care what she thinks, but I guess it bothers me so much because I know she thinks acquiring nice things is my job as "the wife". In fact, last year when we moved she told me to go out and buy "whatever we need and let DH deal with the bills!" (As if he pays the bills!!) To her, I am such a failure..... Oh well. At least we'll be able to bail our parents out if they run out of retirement funds.

[PrincessFiona]

The best advice that I ever got during residency was to "Live the first year out of training as if you were still in training"...at least in the financial sense. We end up doing that, but not by choice.

I wish we had been better about it, but we became so excited by having more money that it really has seemed over the last 4 years that the more we have.....the more we spend. Getting financial control has really been quite tricky.

At the end of the day though, I'm still a huge cheepskate and I don't mind. I only buy things on sale...especially kid's clothes. I go to gymboree....but only at their super-duper 80% off clearance sales. I purchases children's party gifts when I see something on sale and Have a special place in our mudroom for the gifts/cards/bags. I almost never end up spending more than $5 on birthday party gifts....but that is because I purchase games/gifts/toys that are regulary between 10-20$ when they hit that basement sale price.

I get many christmas and easter decorations at our local goodwill for pennies on the dollar.....

I don't really care what other people think.... :

kris

You guys have really helped bring me back into reality. We stayed very reasonable with the house we've bid on, but my imagination was really starting to get the better of me regarding furniture.

I've got a scouting trip to IKEA tomorrow to test-sit and see in person. There won't be an IKEA for 1,000 miles in my new city, so when I'm finally ready to order a couple things, I want to know what I'm really ordering.

My friends are starting out with a bang, but I think it's smarter for us to move slowly .... especially b/c we're spenders in the first place. Fortunately CME, journals, conferences, etc. are covered in the contract.

I appreciate all of the sage advice -- keep it coming!

[Amiens]

Glad to hear I am not alone. It's funny when I have pregnancy hormones running through me, it seems my insecurities and need to be validated go up.

sigh.......

Crystal

[Phoebe]

It took us over a year to feel safe like the income change wouldn't go away at any minute. We still feel scared to spend money, although we have made purchases, just because we remember very well where we came from. Our spending is always compensated by a major effort to put away savings.

Ending training didn't change who we were before, just where we lived. I was surprised because I thought it be like having just climbed Mt Everest.

Jennifer

Ending training didn't change who we were before, just where we lived. I was surprised because I thought it be like having just climbed Mt Everest.

That's a good analogy. I threw a party for dh when he finished residency (even though he had a year of fellowship coming), b/c I thought it was funny (funny weird, not funny ha ha) that they only get a "certificate" for that task. It seems to me that 5 years of intense medical training should be worthy of a "decree" or a "proclamation" or a "declaration" - not a certificate.

[Vishenka69]

I wanted to bump this up for the new class of residency graduates.

Jenn, thanks for looking this up.

We do have a nice leather couch (IMO leather makes sense with kids because it's easy to keep clean),

Re-reading this makes me laugh. The nice leather couch she referred to is now ours - we bought it from them when they upgraded to a leather sectional.

[Amiens]

What's funny is it did take me almost a year to get my kitchen painted.

We did get the living room done- have some other things to do.

I wasn't able to read all of the responses--first I am jealous we are in 3rd yr med school and we moved from KC this past summer. Have you checked Nebraska Furniture Mart there? That is the place to go for furniture in KC and they have all price ranges. Good luck!