Coming out of the debt closet

[SueC]

Last weekend my mil offered to sit down with me and all of our bills to help me devise a budget. It was slightly embarassing for her to find out just how much credit card debt we have and just how irresponsible we have been over the last 7 years. I've done a sh*tty job of managing our finances. She comes from the immigrant mentality where you work hard and don't purchase something unless you have the cold hard cash to pay for it. Anyhow, she helped me devise a budget and a very anal retentive but effective way to keep track of our bills and finances! I can't tell you how good it feels to finally feel somewhat on track. Now if I can just keep my dh from charging us out of house and home!

[DCJenn]

Sue- I totally believe that sometimes just getting the plan together helps. I finally had to make a pie chart for my husband to believe me.

Congrats!

Jenn

You are a brave, brave soul. Do you think I could borrow your MIL to sit down with OUR finances? I'm certainly not going to do it with mine. Mine also come from the same immigrant mentality (a really good one to have IMO), with a hearty dose of judgemental tossed in there for good measure. They only know a smidge of our true situation and are ALWAYS making comments - so I couldn't go full monty w/them.

Good for you. Share your tips!

[SueC]

I'd be happy to loan Cristy out to you!
She takes a notebook and on the page on the left writes what is due the first half of the month, on the right page what is due the second half.
She helped me come up with categories and budgets for each (groceries, entertainment, gas, etc.) and we're going to do a cash system for those things. She checks things off as she pays them or as they clear (I can't remember which). I'll probably check them as I pay them and then highlight them when they clear.
It does help to write it all down--even if I can't pay it all down right away, it does feel better to not be in the dark about what we owe. My dh is still clueless. On Sunday, he spent $250 at Costco and another $200 at the bike store and toy store. I don't know what I'm going to do with him! :nono:

[DCJenn]

You're going to have to sit down with him and review every single debt. I had to do that with Rick. Usually I would just tell him something like "don't spend every penny" and he'd think that meant, "don't spend everything but go ahead and spend."

I went over everything, like why I turn the AC up to 80 during the day (electric!), why I hang dry a lot of our clothes and towels (electric!) Why I turn off and unpljug appliances and keep the computer off- (electric) and he finally is starting to understand.

I did a pie chart of expenses and a pie chart of where our money had already gone (thank you Quicken!) and that helped too.

Rick's eyes kind of glazed over but I wanted him to understand what impact going to the bike store has on everything else. (and what is it about the stupid bike store- how many bike shirts/pants/socks/shoes/parts does one person need?

Jenn

I agree with Jenn that just having a plan together can be a big help. During medical school we went to the cash/envelope system and it helped a ton. We've gotten a little lazy about it and don't do as many envelopes but it got us into a good mindset -- if you can't pay for it with cash then don't buy it and that when the money is gone at the end of the month it is gone.

A turning point was going to the movies and not having cash because we forgot it at home. We walked away from the theater. We were better about remembering after that. Another helpful thing was DH's decision to take the credit cards out of his wallet (they're back now, just needed a little vacation back then).

[spotty_dog]

(and what is it about the stupid bike store- how many bike shirts/pants/socks/shoes/parts does one person need?

Don't ask. Imagine, if you will, a four-drawer three-shelf ~4' wardrobe, full...FULL of bibs, jerseys, gloves, socks, wet and cold weather gear (he brought 8 pair of bibs to our last vacation without making a dent in the supply left behind)...Then imagine a ~1000 sf basement half given over to The Workshop: ~7 complete bikes and a mostly-dismantled frame hanging from hooks, a repair stand ready for action, a storage room overflowing with spare wheels, and a workbench piled high with cables, chains, tubes of grease, bar tape, spare parts, and odds and ends of all sorts...two hardware organizers of small bits...

Fortunately he's an ebay addict and we're on a don't ask/don't tell basis, since he's the (highly effective) financial manager in the house.

[DCJenn]

Alison-

Give yourself a mental toast because you are a much, much better woman than I. Holy Moly- I thought two distinct drawers and 1/4 of my basement was bad.

Jenn

PS- do you, me and Sue need to start a Doctors Bike Addictions Anonymous?

[SueC]

(and what is it about the stupid bike store- how many bike shirts/pants/socks/shoes/parts does one person need?

Don't ask. Imagine, if you will, a four-drawer three-shelf ~4' wardrobe, full...FULL of bibs, jerseys, gloves, socks, wet and cold weather gear (he brought 8 pair of bibs to our last vacation without making a dent in the supply left behind)...Then imagine a ~1000 sf basement half given over to The Workshop: ~7 complete bikes and a mostly-dismantled frame hanging from hooks, a repair stand ready for action, a storage room overflowing with spare wheels, and a workbench piled high with cables, chains, tubes of grease, bar tape, spare parts, and odds and ends of all sorts...two hardware organizers of small bits...

Fortunately he's an ebay addict and we're on a don't ask/don't tell basis, since he's the (highly effective) financial manager in the house.

Alison, your dh sounds like a clone of my dh! He has so much freakin' apparel for cycling, camping, rock climbing it isn't even funny. And our basement is packed to the gills with all of his tools. He moves through phases--for a few months he is buying tools, then he is shopping for small kitchen appliances, followed by home electronics and computer stuff. He really is going to spend us into the poor house. I think I'm goign to have to take your suggestion Jenn and sit him down again.

[Vishenka69]

I guess it's our immigrant mentality that has kept us out of credit card debt. I just can't imagine buying something that I can't pay for at the end of the month. I religiously check all accounts several times a month to make sure we have enough to cover everything. It's a good think DH doesn't like to go into stores of any kind. But I'm yet to find a way to stop him from ordering stupid stuff off the web.

[SuzySunshine]

I keep very close track of our accounts as well, I always know how much we have, how much owe, and when everything is due. My DH still buys things he's not supposed to but he's getting much better. Having long term goals helps him understand why he needs to stop spending on silly things.

I think Dh is in for a shock.. Ever since we had our second kid he has been "helping" me by doing grocery runs...with a short list and basically unlimited funds. He's normally frugal, but he's going to freak when he realizes he spent the diaper money on donuts and good coffee. He insists that its better to buy more frequently but i know we are spending more on groceries ths way vs my old monthly trip to Sams and weekly trip to the supermarket with lists chocked full of basics.
argh.