Do you have separate bank accounts?

Joint accounts here. I am impressed that some of you don't fight about money, we definitely have fought about it. I hear all of you that is "our" money and I believe that. However, I have to say from the "other side" - - I make a pretty good income; dh is a resident - - I have had some resentment at times. The issue for me has been one year in particular when I didn't like my job and also when I choose to take on extra work, extra hours. In these circumstance, you do sometimes get frustrated when your spouse spends alot on something you don't agree with because you are mentally saying, great that is a couple more hours of work. And make no mistake, those hours of work are your LIFE, its not just money, its the hours of your life. During the majority of time, I have been very happy at work, and then the money thing doesn't bother me.

In our house, I basically spend what I want on personal things for the two of us (clothes, etc), we make joint decisions on household purchses, and DH is practically a non-spender for himself by choice - - his weak areas are losing things and buying expensive gifts for family.

MIgirl, I thought the malpractice caps in wisconsin were recently struck down by the courts?

I would say that we don't fight like we used to. Money was definitely a top reason for fighting. We have disagreements now that are usually easily worked out.

[Stella]

Sweet, what'd he get?

a Felt F-50 - it has a carbon fork, seat stays, seat, and crank and the rest is aluminum. He has ultegra components, a step down from duraAce. I don't know what all that means, but that's what SO told me. Anywho, he loves it! It retailed for $1800 but he got it for $1050 including shoes, so I'll call that a good deal!

[KCwife]

Joint...from almost the beginning of our relationship. I handle finances. It stresses DH too much.

His parents on the other hand... his mom put his dad through grad school. When he got his PhD it all became "my money." They have seperate EVERYTHING. It is extremely stressful for all involved parties. Money is more important than people in that relationship. She has property, he has property, they have no joint property. It has taken over their lives.

I would kick DH in the balls if he ever pulled that.

On a side note, for those who have it seperate...how do you handle things like "lets go to dinner?" We had some friends that were married and we actually endured going to dinner with them hearing "I left the tip last time, its your turn." "No, I did, its your turn." Very strange, I always wondered what they would do when the had kids. "I bought diapers last time!"

[MissCrabette]

We have separate accounts at this point. Having joint accounts with him living outside the country might complicate things but I think it's something we need to consider. I always worry about him paying off his credit card. We'll definitely have joint accounts either once we're married or when he returns to the US. Like many here have mentioned, I feel like the money would be as much his as it would be mine. Add to that the fact that I am bringing some inheritance money to the relationship and that he's not so good with money, and all the guilt of spending "his" money is gone.

She has property, he has property, they have no joint property. It has taken over their lives.

Ditto for my in-laws. It caused a LOT of problems when FIL was unable to work.

I think it can work in some cases and probably saved them from many fights about money but it caused some BIG problems to sort out later.

[Auspicious]

On a side note, for those who have it seperate...how do you handle things like "lets go to dinner?" We had some friends that were married and we actually endured going to dinner with them hearing "I left the tip last time, its your turn." "No, I did, its your turn." Very strange, I always wondered what they would do when the had kids. "I bought diapers last time!"

Dinner out is on the list of things he pays for.

Back when we were just living together and had separate money as well as separate accounts, we would always split the tab, just like if you were going to dinner with a friend or a sibling or whatever.

We'll get around to getting joint accounts one of these days.

[Tenacious_D]

We had seperate accounts dating but it really didn't matter because whoever had more money at the time paid for things. We have joint banking and credit accounts. I am the sole breadwinner but would never have DH ask me for money. The rule is if you are going to spend a significant amount of money (>$100) and it's not something being purchased with the spouse around, you give a call and let the other know. It just makes finances a lot easier on us (less bills in the mail to worry about) and we really know how much we as a family have for living purposes. My feeling is whatever works for you is fine. One of married couple friends never do their laundry together, they are each responsible for their own clothes and chores. That would never work for DH and I but if it makes the marriage better...

[Vishenka69]

Strangely enough we never fought over money. DH occassionally gets pissy that I keep everything a secret from him but when I try to explain our various accounts, he gets bored within 60 seconds and tunes out.

We also never set any rules like "purchases over $100 need to be discussed." With my horrible shopping addiction, I'd be on the phone with him way too much.

[spotty_dog]

Sweet, what'd he get?

a Felt F-50 - it has a carbon fork, seat stays, seat, and crank and the rest is aluminum. He has ultegra components, a step down from duraAce. I don't know what all that means, but that's what SO told me. Anywho, he loves it! It retailed for $1800 but he got it for $1050 including shoes, so I'll call that a good deal!

Awesome, we have a good friend who reps for Felt. My race bike is an aluminum/carbon mix (Iron Horse frame) and I love her.

*sniff* I wanna ride Flicka! Maybe I should tomorrow, it's only going up to 109...

[Flynn]

We've always had a joint account.
Both names are on the checks.
DH takes care of his loan payments, I do the rest.

I believe marriage is a partnership and it's OUR money. Period.

With that being said we participate in "budgets" for birthdays, holidays etc. We communicate to each other what we think is reasonable.

[alison]

I think marriage is a partnership and it's our money, however there are expenses that dh makes that I don't feel are necessary and those that I make that he doesn't really like. We have our own accounts where we put a bit of money in each month to save up for things that neither of us really needs. Like pedicures, like gadgets for our cameras, magazines,etc. We don't dig into our joint account for these types of things.

The joint account covers clothes, shoes, food, books, etc.. The separate accounts are like allowances to ourselves to spend what we want and how we want with out running into the problem of not liking what the other is purchasing, no questions asked. If we're out of allowance money, then tough luck until the next month...