Kids and Residency?

That is what I've heard too. Sort of a put your own oxygen mask on first.

I've also heard it presented that you wouldn't want to be able to pay for your kid's college and then have to ask them to bail you out in retirement. Much better gift to give them (your own financial security) than paying for college.

Ideally and optimistically, we will do both.

[Ravenclaw]

That is great advice. Good to keep in mind.

We have had 2 during residency while I worked. If I had to do it over, I might have had just one and not two. One while I worked was definately doable - not much stress. My caveat though is schedule a date night - out of the house! DH fought me on this b/c all he wanted to do was veg out when home but he now sees the positive of it since we now have 2, I still work, and when he is home, he has one kiddo and I have the other.

To work in pt means you need to make more than what the daycare costs - so seriously look into that. Newborns have a VERY high cost of care. I made $21K when I had my son and put in a whole pay check to pay for his daycare (half my income), the only one I felt comfortable leaving him at, but I quit my job immediately to work for my dad out of my home for the last 7 years. It's been tight and hard. If you can do without all luxuries then you can make it, if you need one meal out every once in a while, need to get the car fixed, dental work - you are looking at debt. Pretty much there is no way around it, unless you get very very lucky. So - just keep that in mind. We had kids before medical school so there was no way around it.

[Rapunzel]

I'm supposed to be cooking dinner - but I ordered pizza instead so I have a chance to respond to this question:

We had a child before medical school, two during medical school, two during residency, and one during his fellowship/subspecialized training.

While I've griped and grit my teeth about the drawbacks of the military route I have to say... that was really the only way we could afford to have children during the entire training process. Because of that military funding I was able to stay at home with my children which, in retrospect, was a VERY BIG DEAL.

That's the way we did it. In addition to military scholarships and residency funding there are also other programs that fund people for rural/underserved scholarships (where you are funded in return for a set number of years serving in a rural or underserved area).

If you feel very strongly about staying home with your children (as I did) these are really the best possible routes for you financially during any portion of training (well, unless you have an uber-rich set of parents who can just throw money at you ).

[GrayMatterWife]

We had a child when he was in med school, and another last year, during his fourth year of residency.

How did we do it? I worked, and continue to work. Full-time. Outside the home. A demanding white collar job that is not shift work.

I have financially supported him since medical school, through his PhD work, through residency, and will through fellowship, so that he would not be burdened with the great headache of being a grown-up and supporting himself. And, after I come home from working all day, I do all the childcare, the shopping, cooking, cleaning, and finances. I make sure that his life runs, my kids' lives runs, and my boss's life runs. I don't have a maid or a nanny. I don't even go to a full-service gas station.

So, how do we do it? Well, "we" do it by me doing it.

And I am really flippin' tired, come to think of it. And in an extraordinarily pissy mood tonight (sorry!).

I guess I'll add my story. We dated through college and from Day 1 I knew what he wanted to be 'when he grew up'. We were together all through med school but we decided not to get married until the month between med school and residency. His last two years of med school he lived in his parents basement to save money (and his first two years he got a nice scholarship). All that kept his school loans to a reasonable level more on par with undergrad loans.

I have been working (well had been) FT in an IT related field since I graduated college and while I squandered some money frivolously, I also saved and bought us our first house. I earned 65% of our income while I was working. DD1 was born in his second year and DD2 in his fourth year. The plan was for me to continue working and then do my job remotely throughout fellowship, however I got the call from a coworker when I was in the hospital after giving birth that our department was on the layoff list. Since then I have been collecting unemployment as I look but it's not as much as what I used to make. We were good about saving though and I am about to stop looking and will be a SAHM during the rest of the year and fellowship and we will use some of the savings from earlier in our marriage. We are very frugal, I keep to a strict budget and am a serious coupon shopper.

For lots of kids items I have also found a treasure trove of nearly new items over half off at a local kid consignment store. Most of my maternity wardrobe also came from there. My girls do ok on generic formula so I get that at Target. And luckily they were born nearly 2 years apart so the clothing sizes/seasons match up very well. Other than diapers/formula my younger daughter really does not need a thing.

[MarissaNicole]

We had a child when he was in med school, and another last year, during his fourth year of residency.

How did we do it? I worked, and continue to work. Full-time. Outside the home. A demanding white collar job that is not shift work.

I have financially supported him since medical school, through his PhD work, through residency, and will through fellowship, so that he would not be burdened with the great headache of being a grown-up and supporting himself. And, after I come home from working all day, I do all the childcare, the shopping, cooking, cleaning, and finances. I make sure that his life runs, my kids' lives runs, and my boss's life runs. I don't have a maid or a nanny. I don't even go to a full-service gas station.

So, how do we do it? Well, "we" do it by me doing it.

And I am really flippin' tired, come to think of it. And in an extraordinarily pissy mood tonight (sorry!).

This is probably going to be the only way we can do it too (but we'll wait and see). I give you major props - you even have time to help fellow IMSNers and their husbands applying for residency - you are superwoman (as are MANY of the women on this site).

Abigail post residency I hope you can get a nanny, maid, chef and whatever your heart desires! If not those things at least a well deserved vacation with your husband or a day at the spa!

Seriously all you med spouse mom's are amazing I look at all of you and wonder how I am gonna do it (which will be with all your advice and support)

[houseelf]

GMW:

You are one strong woman on a decidely hard road.

Kelly

[GrayMatterWife]

Abigail post residency I hope you can get a nanny, maid, chef and whatever your heart desires! If not those things at least a well deserved vacation with your husband or a day at the spa!

Thread hijack:

Oh, I actually have little to complain about. I have a great job in terms of flexibility. I just have had a terrible couple of weeks and DH did something really lousy tonight.

I'd reminded him a jillion times that he HAD to be home at 5:40 tonight, so that I could make my dance class. He's on lab rotation, not hospital rotation, so he assured me he could do it. It's all I really ask for--one night a week, for him to watch the kids between 5:40 and 7:10, so I can go to class. He can go right back to the lab as soon as I get home!

But, at 5:50, when I called him, he told me he'd "just lost track of time," so I was way late to class. Grrr.

The self-absorption that is an inherent part of his Evil Lab Persona won't change when he becomes an attending. It will just get worse...he'll have his OWN lab! Maybe when he's an attending, we should forgo a nanny or a maid...he needs a personal assistant!

I really, really miss the hospital service. At least when he forgot about me then, it was because someone's life hung in the balance. Tonight, I got forgotten for...brain-injured mice. **sucks!!**

[GrayMatterWife]

My girls do ok on generic formula so I get that at Target.

Right there with you, sister! Three cheers for Target brand products, especially baby items--diapers, wipes, shampoo, butt paste.

As I was packing DS's lunchbag tonight, I realized that everything that went into the box, except for the turkey sandwich, was straight out of a Target brand box. Actually, even the bread for the sandwich was Target brand!

Is it bad that when I was looking at places to live during fellowship my first criteria was that it must be pet friendly and then secondly I mapped where the Targets were located?

Stick me anywhere in the country, I just need an internet connection and a Target and I will survive!

[DCJenn]

International Adoption from Russia: two trips to Russia, 6 days trip one, 19 days trip two.
Raided the retirement plan, the savings account, borrowed 5k cash from my parents, maxed out one credit card which still isn't paid off, handed 7k in cash to a Russian woman in a bathrobe in the middle of somewhere in Moscow at 10pm (while people were carrying in tires to the apartment building behind her), paid the translator and the driver in American 20s and 50s and 100s the entire time, paid the Moscow translator and driver in American 100s and 50s. Paid the Russian doctor in rubles (thankfully). Bought hundreds of dollars in donations to the orphanage.

Total cash outlay over 18 months? 45k.

and yes, he's worth every single stinking penny. He just better put me up in a really nice old folks home.

So, in case the whole having kids the regular way doesn't quite work out, adoption is EXPENSIVE.

Jenn

[spotty_dog]

Er, guys? If you're still responding to the OP? She posted this over three years ago and now has an eight month old.

[DCJenn]

Yep- I cracked up when I saw the original post.

But- I think it's worth reviewing!

J