I Hate Weddings...

[Stella]

I just spent $100 on a wedding I'm not even invited to. My boss is getting married next weekend and I really really really love her - she's the best boss I've ever had! BUT, Crazy Girl decided to A) Plan her gift and B) Plan a celebratory dinner. Guess who didn't get a say in the gift prices or where to make reservations?

I ended up shelling out over $30 for my half of the gift and $60 for dinner last night! The cheapest thing on the menu last night was $25 and we ordered the cheapest bottle of wine which was $40! It was really good and I truly wanted to do something special for my boss, but :thud:

And... today at work, Crazy Girl asked for the check for my half of the gift. I left my checkbook at home and asked if I could bring it tomorrow for her. She insisted that if I didn't have the money to not worry about it and just pay her back whenever. I know I should perceive this as generosity but WTF? I don't need handouts from HER and I'm certainly not going to let her in on any of my financial burdens. I feel like I was being ridiculed and I just didn't appreciate her offer, as wrong as that sounds. If she was truly worried about my "situation" (as she calls it - WTH?) then couldn't she have picked a cheaper restaurant in the first place????

But now I'm looking into my account online and wondering if I might actually have to accept the offer.

[DCJenn]

You were expected to pitch in for a gift and a dinner for which you had no input?

So-perhaps this will be a learning experience for her to get input from others before making grand gestures.

No, you are under no obligation to reimburse her. at all.

Jenn

[PrincessFiona]

I am going to jump on the I hate wedding bandwagon with you for a second. I am shocked by how many people get on these really, really expensive gift registries. I have literally spent $100 on a special serving spoon. I dislike that people then know how much you've spent on their gift and it feels like a value statement about the relationship or something.

I like to be able to hand pick items that I think the couple would enjoy/need (complete with gift receipt, of course) and have there be an element of surprise about it all...but...that is rude nowadays.

We never were on a gift registry for our own wedding and I enjoyed opening the different things (and getting a good chuckle out of some of the weird gifts!

kris

[anwanie99]

I'm totally joining this "I hate weddings" bandwagon. My husband and I were both in a wedding this past weekend - spent all that money on outfits we'll never wear again, bought a nice gift, made the 2 hour drive ($50 for gas is still $50), and both paid our portion for the bachelor/bachelorette party. Next weekend, my husband is in another wedding in DC (planes tickets for both), outfit for him, and of course nice gift. This particular friend is one that really only registered for expensive things...who needs $94 pillowcases and do you really need casual china and formal china? The little money we have is all going towards interviewing....uggg....couldn't we just re-gift one of the crappy things we got when we got married?

[reciprocity]

technically you have up to a year after the wedding to give someoen a gift and it is still considered polite.

I have to keep reminding my friends who have been married in the past six months of this tidbit.

[MissCrabette]

That was really rude of your coworker to not consult you at all. I probably would've told her to go ahead with the gift she had planned herself and that I would've gotten the boss a gift on my own, thank you very much.

I once pitched in with two other coworkers on Christmas gifts for our three bosses. Little did I know at the time that the lady in charge of buying the gifts had decided on buying $100/piece Thomas Pink silk ties. Yowza!

Maybe I am biased bc I was just married in April, but I hated the non-registry gifts. I cannot return them and they are not our taste. We've lived together to many years so really did not need a lot of stuff. I still put a wide range on the registry though. Someone got us some HIDEOUS china... full set, service for 12 plus all the serving pieces. It doesn't even come remotely close to the formal china we had on our registry. It is clearly something she liked for her own house (or maybe she regifted it.... hmmm). Now I don't know what to do with it. It's taking up an entire cabinet at MIL's house.

Anyway, the average wedding gift in our area is more like $275 for friends!

Stellava, I think your coworker handled this badly. That said, I would probably just pay it this time and in the future make clear to whomever is organizing these shindigs that you are on a budget and settle on a clear limit.

I too hate the expense of weddings - - we have had to pay for flights/ hotels as well as bridesmaid dresses, showers, and bachelorette parties every year for the past five years. At a minimum, I spend $1500 each year on weddings (most of that being travel expenses). The worst story, sorry for the hijack, however was How my Former Best Friend and I Became Permanently Estranged Over a Silverware Place Setting. When my childhood best friend - - who had been enormously helpful in organizing things during my wedding - - got married, we had just moved for residency, where under serious financial stress, and BOTH working 60-70 hours per week. All while remodeling the fixer upper condo which was all we could afford. Anyway, I did not have the same time and money to contribute to her wedding - -and there was a whole fracas because DH was initially not able to get the weekend of her wedding off and she insisted that if it was really important to us we would have gotten it off -- she really didn't understand the nature of residency. In any event, I did pay to fly to and attend the bachelorette party in LOS VEGAS that she insisted on, bought her an engagement gift, bought her a bachelorette gift, paid for dh and I to travel to Boston for her wedding, and bought $200 work of dessert supplies as the bride had asked my mom (who was not invited to the wedding) to make chocolate covered strawberries. When it came time for the wedding gift, I bought a modest $55 silverware place setting. She was REALLY upset over the wedding gift and said she and her fiance found the gift "funny" and she could not believe that was all I had bought her and that it was so impersonal for me to buy from her registry (who knew?) and this basically ended our friendship. To be fair, this was not normal behavior for her, more of a bridezilla thing, and I think she now has some regrets . . . as do I.

[MissCrabette]

Oh my goodness! What is it with people being driven apart by some stupid gifts? Your former best friend sounds like my aunt. Granted, there were underlying issues in our case, but one of the last things she said to us almost 4 years ago was that she was sorely disappointed by our gifts. Well sorry but not everyone's made of money. Geez!

[alison]

Don't throw things at me, but I dislike registries. I never buy from them if they're people I care about because I find these sorts of lists tacky... (Sorry, just my opinion and not meant to attack anyone.)

Be appreciative of what I give you because it's something I've given a lot of thought about. That doesn't mean you have to like what I've given you (BTW: I wouldn't give place settings, silverware, bedding because they're a matter of taste and have to match), but I will give something with a gift receipt.

[Vishenka69]

Um, please don't throw anything at me but I like weddings. Granted we never had to fly for one (although once we drove to Boston), but within our social circle everyone tends to spend the same on each other, so nobody feels slighted and your cash presents end up coming back to you.

Around here it's customary to bring $300+ per couple for friends. And I do have to admit that I was a bit upset at my best friend and MOH when she and her then boyfriend (now husband) brought only $100, especially given his nice six figure salary. I didn't let this affect our friendship though.

[Stella]

I like weddings. That I'm invited to and expecting. Just not the girl from work. I guess that's actually two different categories, now that I look back on it. Two of our favorite friends are getting married next spring/summer and I'm sure that we will shell out a decent amount for each one, but those are our good friends (and SO is a best man in one of them) so I have no problem with that.

All told, I paid her back. Bitterly and reluctantly of course. But I did pocket the "lesson for next time."

PS - I plan on registering as well when I get married. I'm way too damn picky to rely on other people's tastes.

[MissCrabette]

This may be a silly question as I don't have lots of experience with registries. What happens when you register for a number of place setings and you only get a couple? Or other things you need more than one of? Say you register for his and hers bathrobes and you only get a robe for him. It would drive me crazy, knowing that I have to go out and buy the remaining pieces.

[DCJenn]

You return everything and get what you really want- the benefit is that that everything off of the registry is EASY to return.

Jenn

[MissCrabette]

Aaaahh! Thanks for explaining that. I have nosy friends and family who'd ask me if I liked what they got me and I'd feel trapped if I didn't still have the gift. I'm not gutsy enough to return presents.