I Hate Weddings...

[SuzySunshine]

Some stores also give you a discount after your wedding to buy what is left on your registry.

I'm all for registries but I also think that if people know the bride and groom well enough to buy them a gift they know they will like and use - then do so. But don't give knives that you got for free with Omaha Steaks (happened to us). Newlyweds don't want your junk and if you got it for a gift and don't want it - more than likely your friends won't either, give it to charity.

[Meenah]

So maybe this year's Secret Santa should be a regift" theme!!!

[MissCrabette]

I've been thinking about this. When do we start the whole shebang? I'm so excited!

[DCJenn]

The registry stuff should be done well enough in advance for all of your nosy friends to go online and laugh at everything you picked. (they will, even if they like it...)

Some GREAT registries that make it fun to shop are Crate and Barrel and Target. Both have brick and mortar stores and online stuff.

the other thing about registering is that you can seriously pick stuff that you need. A new iron? A new ironing board? Always dreamed about an electric can opener? If you're redoing a house or need yard stuff, tools, etc., Home Depot also has a gift registry. Hey, if someone wants to buy you a lawnmower, more power to them.

(can you tell that I used to work in the China and Silver department at my local department store?)

Dishes- people will tell you not to bother with china, silver and crystal. My theory is that unless you're the sole beneficiary of Great Aunt Mathilde's 24 piece Haviland china....go ahead and register. Chances are you WON'T get a whole set. But I did. My room-mate from college registered for the Crate and Barrel china with the platinum band and got everything she registered for. It's a lot about price points.

Also, porcelain is MUCH more durable and stronger than your run of the mill every day stuff. It is actually much more pragmatic to register for THAT than the crap from Pfaltgraff or Mikasa that will chip within a year. If you're going to be moving (and you will) you'll want stuff that travels well. If you think that I've moved at least 12 times since I got divorced and all of my stuff has moved with me? It's the Mikasa that requires frequent tossing due to chips and breaking.

Silver? My answer here is: why not. it's pretty, it's valuable and you CAN use it every day. (yes, silver can be washed in the dishwasher, it just can't touch platinum because they're chemically react with the heat.)

My want-to-be snobby SIL registered for Hermes china. I think they got a cup and saucer....period.

Registry 101, class over.

Jenn

[SuzySunshine]

I couldn't agree more with most of what Jenn said - however be forewarned if you register at Target their return policy only allows for store credit. Which isn't a terrible thing at Target but if you really wanted something off of your other registry you won't get it be returning something to Target.

I wish I had known about Pfaltzgraff - DH & I got it because MIL swore by it (should have known ) We've been married for four years and I bet we couldn't make a set of six with unchipped dishes. My next set will NOT be Pfaltzgraff!

We registered for expensive china ($130 for a 5-piece set) and I beleive we got 8 sets. We'll buy the other 4 ourselves someday, but its a classic set and we really like it. My sister registered for a set in which her 5-piece was less than $100 and she got all 12, so it definitely is a price point thing. We did get all of our crystal however we didn't register for silver. Not because we didn't want it but because we couldn't find anything we liked. We didn't want really ornate, flowery handles so don't feel like you have to register for silver just because. My MIL has a set that was her grandmother's and hopefully someday it will be ours but it will more than likely go to my BIL (the favored child).

Bed, Bath & Beyond has great registry policies and has started carrying all of the good brands like Lenox and Wilton Armetale.

I can be a little obsessed with weddings, so I'll stop now. 8)

Jenn & Cheri are right on, I just have a couple of thoughts to add.

It's nice to register at at least two different 'levels' of stores. Maybe Target or Bed, Bath & Beyond (but they pissed me off when i was registering, so I'd say Target), for basics, and then Crate & Barrel or Pottery Barn for the higher-end stuff. It's always best to give people a range of price points -- there is nothing worse than a guest who feels like they HAVE to pay $100 for a salad fork. It's so nice that you're doing this NOW, when the internet is so ubiquitous. When we registered (about 8 years ago) it was still unusual to shop online, and most folks would have been put off by the suggestion.

I did happen to inherit a complete set of pre-war noritake china from my great aunt (but didn't know I would be when we registered), but still didn't register for any china. It's a matter of personal preference and your needs at the time.

Oh - and DON'T be like my SIL and BIL and put your registry information and GIFT PREFERENCE information (as in - 'we really prefer cash but if you MUST buy a boxed gift, please get it from one of these places') in your wedding invitation. SO offputting, SO tacky!

[DCJenn]

And make sure that whomever is throwing your shower doen't put the little ads in the shower invitations, either. 1) When they RSVP (via phone) they can be told where you're registered and 2) if they're close enough to be invited, then they are close enough to ask someone if they don't already know.

Pet peeve. Sorry.

jenn

I can tolerate that one ... to me the shower invitations are an acceptable place for the info, and I can see invitees being annoyed at the host for not including the info. BUT CERTAINLY NOT THE WEDDING INVITES!

[PrincessFiona]

Throw tomatoes at me...

But why do people feel the need to register period? I don't get it. Yes, you might get crappy gifts or two toasters or things you don't like/need...but that's just part of the experience...Some of our funniest wedding memories came opening up gifts that were...interesting.

What is up with our society that we feel we're entitled to get gifts that we hand-pick so that we can be happy about them? The wedding is about being together with friends and family and celebrating a special day and the gifts are just kind of a nice token...icing on the cake. People should be happy with what they get!

Another thing that bothers me? Wedding invitations from people that I don't know what well or know through my mom's best friend etc, etc...that send invitations to me knowing that I can't come or that we aren't that close....with the registry information as a part of the invitation. They get...the shredder in my house because I think it's rude. If I receive an invitation then I might send a gift or some cash...but if it comes with a registry thing...forget about it.

As a rule, I don't buy registry gifts....dh has had to be in charge of that when it involves someone that he knows.

I know, I know...no one is going to invite me to their weddings now...and yes...I feel kind of the same way about baby shower gifts...

:!

[migirl]

Throw tomatoes at me...Another thing that bothers me? Wedding invitations from people that I don't know what well or know through my mom's best friend etc, etc...that send invitations to me knowing that I can't come or that we aren't that close....with the registry information as a part of the invitation.

I'll stand and take some of those tomatoes with you, Kris, b/c I hate this too. We got a wedding invitation for one of DH's med school classmates whom we haven't spoken to or heard from since graduation almost 5 years ago. DH has sent him a couple of emails here and there (pre-wedding invitation), but never got any replies. THEN we get this invitation to his wedding in NYC to a woman I've never met which DH won't be able to get the time off to go to ... so, you basically sent us an invitation so we could send you a gift?? Uh-uh, I don't think so. Sorry, you can call ME rude for not sending a gift, but to me that was offensive.

I don't send gifts for the trolling invitations. In some cases, I will view it as an announcement and just send a card.

I don't mind registries, especially if it is someone I don't know as well or I'm in a hurry to buy a gift. Makes my life a lot easier. And if I do want to give a placesetting of something, it's nice to know what they picked out!

[alison]

Kris, you took the words right out of my mouth! I think we may be influenced by our...dhs. Really. Isn't a picture of the couple sawing wood with all the guests in the background better than any deep fryer?!

I recently got an invitation to a wedding with registries listed- the couple wanted us to "help" pay for their honeymoon on thebigday.com. Come F*cking ON! Like I'm going to pay for the helicopter ride over Kauai so that your parents can sue me when the helicopter crashes.

[alison]

And baby registries, double ick.
The couples that find out the gender of their baby so that they can have the appropriate stuff on their registries. :disappointed:

[DCJenn]

The nice thing about registries is that they do help when you don't know the couple very well. Or, in the case of ex-boyfriends, you want to send a message. (I sent a phallic shaped cocktail shaker...they DID register for.)

I know we've had this discussion before- and a lot depends on the wedding itself. Rick and I had 33 guests. Bill (First hubby) and I had 150+. Believe me, I needed to steer some of his relatives to stuff we needed not stuff they thought we needed. (although I know I've shared the regifted vase story...I hope it lives on) (simple explanation- wedding reception for one of his cousins was at the 'rod and gun' club w/ the stuffed dead animals on the walls. Nothing says romance like dead ducks...)

Jenn

[SuzySunshine]

I have a friend (male) who thinks we should register for EVERYTHING - birthdays, etc. because he hates picking out gifts and this makes his life SO much easier.

I think registries are a good thing - especially with today's return policies. It used to be that you could return ANYTHING but so many people took advantage of that in the wrong way that they changed it. So now you can't return almost anything. How would you like to have 12 place settings that don't match and you think were hideous? Wouldn't you rather get the giftees something that they wanted and you knew they would use. I know that still holds that some people will get them something personal and I think that is great.

As for registries in invitations - Emily Post says they are a BIG NO NO in any kind of invitation.

As for baby registries I think it is still the same as a wedding - how would you like to end up with three strollers that you couldn't return or three diaper genies? Now finding out the sex JUST so you can get the right gifts is too much IMO but I'll definitely be registering when we have our first little one b/c I don't want my MIL just picking out random things for my kids.