Well this is a funny story...!!!!

What in the world is wrong with this man?! I am not even interested in him anymore, now I am just trying to figure out if he's a little wacko or not...I"m not upset, I just found this funny and thought I would share...I called him today, just because I wanted some answers as to what happened and why he disappeared for a month. I started out by saying "I am calling to see if everything is ok and how you're doing, I'm not calling about our plans, you're off the hook on that." So there is a dead, strange silence. He starts asking me questions about my family and the holidays...I was so annoyed. Then I asked him how things were going with his schedule being so rough because I know how the hospital has been lately. He told me it was getting better, but it had been really bad for a while, and then he'd had to drive states away out of nowhere to be with his family because of the holidays and he's just been so busy. I told him I was getting another call and it was my sister and I was gonna have to let him go and he stops and says "Well, wait, would you still be up for going out?" I said "I'm not too sure about that." And he says "OOOOH, I totally understand, if you're seeing someone else, I totally understand." I said "No! I'm not seeing someone else." "It's ok, I understand." I said "I'm not! I'm just not the type of girl who is going to sit by a phone that never rings when it's supposed to." He said "I totally understand and I do apologize. I have been a lot more crazy then I normally would be, but I would really LOOOOOVE to take you out to dinner. If you change your mind, will you give me a call?" I said "OK, Take care." And that was it. Now, there is no way on G-d's green earth I am calling this man, because I know damn well he was not calling me, but this behavior seems very bizarre!!!! I mean, why not just come clean, or why not just avoid the topic? I told him he was off the hook, I told him I was getting off the phone and I didn't even mention us going out...He brings it up AGAIN. I think this guy is either a total player who wants me to chase him around or he's a little bit unstable. I have never had a guy keep asking me out and then taking off...I was fine on the phone, I didn't even want to go out with him anymore, and here he brings it up again. He's 30 years old, if he doesn't want go out, just say so, don't keep playing childish games!!!! He totally blew it AND turned me OFF. I think I dodged a bullet!!!! :!

I would call one last time and put the ball in his court. If he answers, you can tell him that you've decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and you would like to make arrangements to go out somewhere fabulous. If you leave a message you can pretty much say the same thing and if he's really interested he will call you.
Good luck! 8)

[DCJenn]

Um, Actually I think he was probably really busy and didn't call you because he was really busy.

Probably not psycho, probably a doctor in training who hasn't dated anyone in a while.

Jenn

[MrsC]

Um, Actually I think he was probably really busy and didn't call you because he was really busy.

Probably not psycho, probably a doctor in training who hasn't dated anyone in a while.

I agree. DH and I had dated for two months when he had to go off and do interviews etc. He was gone for almost a month and I got 1 email from him in that length of time!! When he got back I quickly told him that I wasn't gonna put up with that and he'd have to make an effort or forget about it. Needless to say, it worked!!

I think it's a combination of stress, tiredness and just lack of time. It sounds like he does want to go out but is wary because of the little amount of time he'll have for you. Just understand that work will come first and he's going to be spending most of his time there. Give him a chance, what have you got to lose.

I just don't think I trust him at this point...Something smells fishy or that he's just saying that to save face.

Something could be fishy, but it's hard to tell without actually being there.

I tend to agree with the others though - doctors, particularly those in training, are REALLY, REALLY busy. The word "busy" takes on a whole new connotation compared to what is understood of the term by those in the outside world. 100 or 120 hours a week really means that. DH once operated for 24 hours straight with not so much as a toilet break, let alone food or drink. Medicine requires complete dedication...hence the existence of this site for medical spouses!

Strange as it may sound, he could really be telling the truth.

In fact, it's a wonder doctors actually find the time to turn up to their own weddings half the time...

[SuzySunshine]

I tend to agree with the others though - doctors, particularly those in training, are REALLY, REALLY busy.

Didn't you say he's an intern - this quote may not even begin to describe how busy he really is then.

[PrincessFiona]

I'd say...and forgive me for being bitchy....you shouldn't call him back. Not..because he is a jerk...but because he'd never meet your needs. Medicine isn't a 9-5 job and the poor guy is an intern. He probably is taking call 3-4 nights a week and is so exhausted that he doesn't know if he is coming or going.

He needs someone to really understand, be supportive and not take it personally.

Residency is a hard time to start a relationship.

kris

[Meenah]

I completely agree with Kris. It is not an easy lifestyle and I imagine if you are having this much trouble at this point (no dating yet, just conversations) you will never survive Residency. You deserve someone who can live up to your expectations, and so does he.

I have everyone in the world telling me that if he was interested he would've done something about it a long time ago and that he's stringing me along and I would be "psycho" if I called him. Then I come on here and hear something different. I was willing to be supportive of him, but taking off for a month without even a five minute phone call is rude. I don't expect him to call me everyday or be able to see me constantly, but I do expect that when you say something to me, you at least show you meant it. If that meant he called to say "I don't have time right now, but I will call you as soon as I do." somewhere inbetween that one month mark, that may have made a big difference. I can be supportive, but I can't be chasing someone around who never really intends on following through (just doesn't want to be the bad guy or whatever reason he has for not doing what he says or being up front) and that's how it looks to most.

[PrincessFiona]

Then let it go. I'm not trying to be rude but I don't understand your reason for seeking out a support group for medical spouses for a non-relationship with a busy intern. Also, if there is no way on God's green earth that you will call him, then why did you call him after the holidays in the first place?

kris

[Stella]

Everyone else in the world hasn't lived a medical lifestyle. The people here know what they are talking about. Maybe it was rude, but I think he was sincere. You obviously still like him, since you called him, and he is obviously still interested, since he asked you to dinner.
But, if you demand a lot (which is FINE, just not for medicine) then you should probably keep looking. It takes a lot of work and independence no matter what stage of this life he is in, and intern year is the worst.
Lastly, I know that everyone is coming across as harsh, but we all mean well. If you do date go forward with dating him, you'd start to understand. It's just different. That's all I can say.

Hey there guys, I am not offended. I understand. I just wanted advice from people who have been there, that's why I came here. Truly, I understand his schedule. But I really believe he's just trying to be nice, because e doesn't want to say "I wasn't gonna call you, because I don't really want to go." That's the feeling in my heart. And I feel very bad about it and I have to move on. If I truly believed he was gonna make SOME effort, whatever effort he can, then I wouldn't be upset with him. Take care and thanks for all advice.

[MissCrabette]

I tend to agree with everyone here, but I wanted to add my two cents as well.

While I have not gone through internship and residency with my fiance, I know from this board how crazy busy it can be during that time. If the medical spouse or SO didn't have to go home to eat and sleep, these ladies (and gents) here would probably only see them once in a blue moon.

Moreover, and don't take this the wrong way, he's not invested in this relationship yet. His work and family are clearly his priority at this point in his career. There was a poll on this site a while back that showed that most of these medical relationships started during college, well before the medical lifestyle started to take its toll. Therefore you understand that the medical spouse or significant other already had some serious commitment to his/her partner even when time became oh so very precious. That's not to say that he doesn't like you or that he's flakey. It's just a matter of priorities.

I totally agree. I really do understand what you are all saying. I know his schedule is tough. What I am saying is that I really believe he was not EVER going to call. Not because of time, but because he simply didn't want to. I also really believe that if he were interested I wouldn't have to chase him around, he would so SOME interest. The only interest he has shown is to ask me out, but he has NEVER done ANYTHING to actually make that happen. He's not called to say "Hey, let's set up a time." The closest he's come to that is to say "Come find me" or "Call me", which COULD be an indicator that he's busy, but could also be an indicator that he's just not interested enough in coming to find me himself. A lot of people outside of this web site have told me "I honestly think he just doesn't know how to tell you no, so he keeps saying that and then not following through hoping you will get the picture." I am starting to believe them. The only reason I came back on here was because I was confused, because when I called him, I let him off the hook, I literally told him I didn't want to go out and he asked me again. That was what confused me, because I do believe he really had no intentions of following through to begin with. His behavior seems very strange to me, because he says one thing when I think he really means another. Hence why I was mulling it over in this post.