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easing the stress?

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  • #1

    easing the stress?

    chocolate, valium...and did I mention chocolate?



    Just kidding...I know what you mean..my mil can drive me over the edge, and when we were there last winter (hard to believe a year has passed!) it was hard...but the way I survived was by:



    1. Letting her have time alone with the kids...she felt great about it and it gave me a short respite..I let her make all decisions about food, clothes, etc during that time...make her feel like she has some power..hehehe...of course we all know who IS the mom, right!



    2. Swallow it up...I know, it stinks....Our visits are so short that for me it isn't worth it to make a big deal about everything...I didn't exactly stick with this rule....I am remembering when she tried to get the kids to take all of their clothes off outside in the snow before coming into the house so she wouldn't have water on her floor.....ummmm...I did lose it then...but for the most part, I bit my tongue.



    3. If things are getting a big hairy...rent a movie for the family...so you don't have to talk!



    Hope this helps



    Kris
    Tags: None
  • #2
    I just repeatedly agree that her son is in fact the worlds most perfect boy...and of course I believe he never did anything wrong as a child, and yes, I am the luckiest girl in the world to have snagged him out from the clutches of she and the sisters...



    The sisters are almost worse- the older ones worship the baby brother and the younger one worships the big brother and - it's just awful. Add to it that he's adopted and they aren't and you can see that he's "A Very Special Boy".



    It's utterly nauseating.



    Jenn

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    • #3
      LOL - I just found a reason to be thankful we are a second marriage. Apparently my husband's first wife was so horrible to them it would be almost impossible for my inlaws to not love me. Plus the fact that I am 44 and really not intimidated by anyone anymore. AND I am still very close with my former in laws and they all know this. Thanks, I'm feeling better about myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      Luanne


      Luanne
      wife, mother, nurse practitioner

      "You have not converted a man because you have silenced him." (John, Viscount Morely, On Compromise, 1874)

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      • #4
        O.K. I'll admit it, sometimes my inlaws (especially my MIL)drive me CRAZY. I'm going to go spend 4 days with them in their house. How do you all gracefully survive such trauma? I let a lot of minor transgressions slide, but sometimes I boil inside and can't really enjoy myself. I appreciate that now they are my parents too as well as the grandparents of my son, but a girl can only take so much. Help!



        Kelly
        In my dreams I run with the Kenyans.

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        • #5
          Oh boy is this a topic close to my heart. I have to begin preparing for it since I have a 5 day stint to get through at Christmas. She can be so annoying! I know I am rude when I say that because she really means well and we do get along, but I can't stand spending more than a couple hours with her. I usually get stuck hanging out with her because I am the only other female there and I am expected to go shopping with her. Yuck.



          When she talks about my marriage to her son, she calls it "my wedding" as if it were her getting married. Having a baby has brought my mom and I closer, but my MIL hovers and tries to tell me how to parent. I don't really feel comfortable with her alone with my baby. She is a nervous person. She wants our baby to sleep in her room while we are there and that makes me want to run 20 miles in the opposite direction.



          I usually make time every day to go running and later hide in the basement with the rest of her family. My sister-in-law advised me to ignore her like everyone else does.



          Ok... I guess I should try to be more positive.



          Jennifer
          Needs

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          • #6
            Jennifer & Jenn-



            No berating yourself for valid feelings! Seriously, that is why we come here to vent and then paste a smile on for the in laws. It really is better that way.



            My MIL is also a peach. She was adopted and raised as an only child. If I'm truly honest with you all, her actions scream "spoiled little girl" who must be in charge of everything. She refuses to pass the mantle of adulthood on to her children. I could go on with a million illustrative examples but I will spare you the grief.



            But in the end, I know that she did something right. I love her son. In her own ways, she is very good to her family. Now, if I could just take on this zen-like attitude when I spend 4 whole days with her. What was it that Bridget Jones always reminded herself to find, "inner poise"? Ugh. I wish us all luck!



            Kelly




            In my dreams I run with the Kenyans.

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            • #7
              I guess i don't have it so bad in that my MIL doesn't want togo to the trouble of visiting us. She'd much rather spend her energy pouting that we aren't coming to see her (we live 1000+ miles away & I am working Christmas Day). Fine by me- pout, give us the silent treatment- whatever floats your boat.



              She's a very high-maintainence visitor-- can't entertain herself for anything. She also feels in necessary to clean up the drip pans on my oven and repeatedly offer to do laundry. Maybe I shoukd just assign tasks for her!





              Here's hoping it goes well Kelly!



              Wendy

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              • #8
                I, too am very thankful that all we're going to get is the "it should would be nice to see you..." commentary on Christmas Day. Rick's working Christmas Eve and I have no leave left anyway, so we can't even go around the corner, let alone several thousand miles away!



                But we are going to have to brave the onslaught before too long!



                Oh well, she adopted Rick and fattened him up and loved him so- I guess she must have done at least a few things right!



                Jenn

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                • #9
                  Just as a postscript to all this, the week went wonderful! Sean has the kind of family that feels like someone just yelled, "Everybody scream!" Although there is always a raucous uproar in his parents' home, we thoroughly enjoyed what we now see as our heritage. Maybe we have more perspective now that we live so far away. The things that normally bothered me only popped up a few times.





                  The baby was spoiled ROTTEN but handled all the changes and new people well. O.K., me and my husband were spoiled rotten too! We slept in until at least 9 o'clock everyday and ate enormous amounts of food!



                  It is good to be back! I missed you guys.



                  Kelly
                  In my dreams I run with the Kenyans.

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                  • #10
                    WooHoo...Welcome back, Kelly....I'm glad you guys had a good trip...you DESERVE it!!!



                    I missed ya...



                    Kris

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