I miss....

[houseelf]

....a sense of community. When I went home last week a million people stopped in at my dh's and my parent's house just to chat. We sat around the kitchen table and talked all day long. (This is bad for the waist line but good for the heart.) Don't get me wrong, my home town isn't really anything special. I just miss the crazy, loveable people who happen to reside there.



Many of our best friends live about an hour away from our hometown in Cinci. In a weird coincidence, several of our college friends from Purdue and U. Kentucky happen to live there. Anyway it was great to go to a babyshower for my former roommate in her beautifully decorated home. While I was pouring drinks in her monagram-etched glassware and talking about which brand of diaper pails she should choose, I couldn't help but laugh about the parties we used to go to. In our former lives, the word "party" meant that you took your own plastic cup and $3! How bizarre!



In truth, we are starting to build a sense of community here. We have play dates, a house, and we even have our first invitation to a wedding here. Even though we've made great strides and we have become enormously close as a couple because of this distance, it doesn't come close to what we have back home. I miss normalcy. How do you all cope with this?



Kelly

[Phoebe]

I know what you mean, Kelly. Being a transplant to Cleveland, I miss the sense of home I have in Michigan where most of my friends and family reside. I have to say that we are only a 4 hour drive away from home so I can get there pretty easily. I miss the familiarity of knowing where to find the best pizza and what stores to shop carries what I am looking for and not getting lost all the time. More important is the sense of closeness I feel when I am around my friends and family.



I went to college at Michigan State, 20 minutes from where I grew up so being at home is a walk down memory lane. I love going to sporting events and walking around campus in the fall and spring.



I long for that sense of community where we live now, our neighborhood doesn't have that welcoming feeling I had growing up. However, we have established some connections here in the last 20 months. We love our house and exploring this city has been fun. I guess I may have an easier time coping because we are 4 hours away. I try to keep in touch with friends as much as possible. It is harder when my husband is gone. Then my phone bill gets high!



Jennifer

[Phoebe]

Kelly, I didn't tell you that I was glad you enjoyed your visit at home. I know it can be rejunvenating to be around all the people you care about. I am sure your friends and family were equally as happy to spend time with you. Do you come from a small town?



I remember going to my husband's family's home for the first time. They lived in a small town of like 1500 people. People knew he was home because they saw his car in the driveway and so many people stopped by that weekend and staying for dinner. I found it fascinating to meet his friends and see what a sense of community this town had.



You mentioned living near Cinti. I went to graduate school at Miami Univ and lived in Cincinnati for a year. I really liked it.



Glad you enjoyed your visit!



Jennifer

That sounds fantastic, Kelly. There is nothing that is better tonic for the soul than good company from those who love you and have known you for years. I miss being close to old friends and family as well. I'm wayyyyy across the continent from them!

Kelly:

I hear you! My trip home two weeks ago was OUTSTANDING! I came back so rejuvenated and ready to tackle the rest of transplant! And satisfied that while this place stinks, at least our home that we plan to return to is wonderful. I was able to have lunch with several of my friends and one night I had coffee with a dear friend of mine and I nearly cried when that was over. It was just so great to sit down with her and chat about everything and look at her work! If I could do that once a week here! Not to mention my little sister and parents since we are unbelievably close! I cope through phone bills, email, and I've really started writing letters over the last month. It's nice to sit down and make a "connection" with my friends through a letter. It almost feels like I'm sitting down with them except I have to wait a week or so for feedback! I also cope by counting down the days until we're outta here! As I've said so many times, that probably isn't the healthiest of coping mechanisms but it's all I can do - two more years in June! or as I like to say, one year and eleven months in July!



The lack of community here has been wonderful for our marriage though! A woman from our church told me that there was a reason we moved here - and I honestly think it is for that. If he had matched anywhere near our home, I could see myself going out to dinner with this person, going off to do this, etc. when he is on call or tired. I just think it's been great for us to be alone in this city together. Hard to explain!



I'm so happy you had a great visit!! When are you going back? (Another coping mechanism is to make frequent trips back home to see everyone!)

[houseelf]

Jenn, Janet, & Claudia,



Thanks for the empathy! To answer your question, I'm from a large suburb of Dayton and my hubby is from a small rural community just North of Dayton. As I said, Dayton is REALLY nothing special, just some small, indistinctive midwest American city. But besides some amount of travel and college, it has always been our homes. We both ended up going to graduate school there.



I want my son to know his family and our friends, even with all their weirdness and eccentricities. Even if my dh can't go home, I try to take my son home as often as possible. It is a little overwhelming for him to be around so many people when he is used to hanging out with just the two of us.



I would love to end up in Columbus, Cincinnati, or even Indianapolis someday. My friends are great about coming up to visit and hosting get togethers when I come home. I feel very fortunate to have these people in our lives.



Maybe as we get older we need familiarity more. I don't know. On the positive note, I have found a few transplants here who are looking to find a sense of community too. In fact, we just got invited to an Easter dinner by a fellow transplant from Toledo. In honesty, I think that a lot of people, whether they have moved across the world or not, are seeking a return to a sense of community and knowing their neighbors. This problem seems endemic to the fast-paced environment that we live in.



I don't know where this ramble is going, but thanks for listening!



Kelly




Edited by: kmbsjbcgb at: 3/27/02 1:42:04 pm

I can REALLY identify with you all here. We are both originally from Indiana and think we will probably go back there when we are done with the military. When we found out we were doing a military residency in San Antonio, we were both in somewhat of a state of shock. It was really like a different country in a lot of ways. However, we came to love it there and had developed a wonderful group of friends by the time we left -- mostly through church. San Antonio is such a military city that there were many, many people far from their families and we were all looking to connect. I guess I expected the same when we moved to Wichita Falls, but so far (it hasn't been a year yet) I have not noticed nearly as many "transplants". Things seem a lot more "closed" here and there are lots of people who have lived here all their lives, although I can't imagine (yet) why anyone would choose that!



I would just love to have one person around here that I could talk to who really knows me and knows my kids. I am hoping that things will get better now that it is spring and my baby is getting a little older.



My mom just left this morning and her visit ended a three week string of visitors, so I guess I am feeling a little lonely today!



Sally

[houseelf]

Sally,



You're originally from Indy???? We were neighbors! Are you a Hoosier fan or a Boilermaker fan? Do your boys understand that when you talk about "home" you mean Indiana? Where do they consider home?



Who knows, maybe someday we'll end up in the same neck of the woods.



Kelly

Kelly,



I grew up in Lafayette, (Go Boilers!) as did my husband. I went to Butler and my husband went to Wabash College (small, all-male) in Crawfordsville, about 45 minutes NW of Indy. That's where we lived when we were first married and I taught middle school there. We moved to Indy for med school and I continued to teach in Crawfordsville until we had our first son, after second year.



My boys know that Indiana is home to mom and dad, but my three year old told me a couple of weeks ago that maybe some day we could move back home to (get this) "San Anton-yo" -- after all, he was born there! My almost-seven year old has been developing a drawl and it is driving my husband and I nuts! But when I visit his classroom or even listen to the kids on his soccer team, I realize it would be hard to NOT develop an accent. After all, he has lived in TX since he was two and will have lived here for eight years by the time we leave.



I knew there were other Texans on this board (actually, according to the local news stations here, we are Texomans -- whatever!) but I didn't realize there were people from the midwest. My sister lives in Cincinnati and there were quite a few people at Butler from Ohio.



How does the weather in Minneapolis compare to what you were used to? I have to admit that I have enjoyed the Texas weather since we have been down here -- San Antonio was better than our current location, though.



Funny story -- being from Lafayette, naturally my husband and I can't stand Bobby Knight. I thought we were through with having to hear about him, when guess what, he gets hired by Texas Tech, which isn't far from here (in Texas terms, at least) and so we hear about him all the time again.



Nice to find someone to talk about home with! (At least in a regional sense!)



Sally

[houseelf]

Heavens, Southern Ohio is practically the tropics compared to Minnesota. Just like your son, I'm sure that my son will convert to his locale and become more "Golden Gopher" than "Buckeye". He just turned two and he is enthralled by the sport of hockey. My husband is starting to convert too! I have caught my husband starting to say "eh" & "yah" but he has refrained from"you betcha" and "don't ya know".



My hubby loves Purdue and played hockey there. By happenstance, I also HATE Bobby Knight and think that he is a disgrace to college basketball. If I'm truthful, this also has something to do with the fact that I'm a huge U.K. basketball fan. Go CATS!!!!



Seriously, we have a ton of friends in Indy. It was our third choice for the match and sometimes I feel like I should have advocated a switch on the ol' preference list to move it up a little higher.



Do you plan to return to Indy someday?



Kelly

Kelly,



Indy is a possibility for us, but urban areas tend to get kind of saturated with docs and it is harder (at least in my husband's specialty) to make a good salary in an urban area. However, we both love the city and it is right up there on our list! We are thinking about the south side because it seems to be a little more underserved medically than the northside -- and we have NO desire to live in Carmel-Fishers-Geist and deal with all of that traffic. Lafayette is also high because my husband already has a job waiting for him there if he chooses to take it. My mom is there, which is both good and bad, if you know what I mean. It was a nice place to grow up and there is a lot more to do there now than when we were kids.



It will be interesting to see where we end up. I wish Indiana wasn't so far from Texas because I would go back closer to San Antonio in a second. Indiana is supposed to be better for physicians, though -- apparently there was some sort of legislation passed years ago that limits malpractice awards or something? Anyway, insurance there is low compared with other places and since OB/GYN has some of the highest premiums, that is a consideration for us as well.



It would be so fun to meet someone from this board sometime! One of the Jennifers (the one in San Antonio) was there for a year while I was and I am constantly kicking myself that we didn't get together. I have met a medical spouse that I corresponded with on a medical board at Parents Place (it isn't there anymore) and she ended up moving to San Antonio from Pittsburgh and living in my neighborhood! We are pretty good friends now. Pretty weird when you think about it.



How much longer does your husband have? I know it is a pretty long time -- 5 years or something? Is that with or without the fellowship?



In terms of picking up the accent myself, I think I still sound pretty midwestern, but I have totally given in to y'all (people look at you so funny when you say "you guys"!) and am currently fighting being sucked into the phrase "picture made" as in "I need to get the baby's picture made since he is six months old." NO ONE down here says "picture taken"..... I think I am probably fighting in vain.



Sally

[houseelf]

Yes, it is a little unnerving to meet medical spouses that you have met online. I've met Kris in person twice. She lives about an hour and a half away. We talked forever on the boards and email and then on the phone. But I have to admit that we were both pretty awkward when we met that first time. I'm so glad that I did it though. I guess that we all have to take a chance on life. I really haven't met a lot of medical spouses in the non-cyber world. I wonder what it would be like to have a live group of people going through this.



As far as how long we have to go--don't ask. We have a REALLY long time. My goal is to learn how to cope with the present because there really is no end in sight. How much longer will "you all" be in the military? When do you get to choose where you live?



I do know that we will definitely end up in an urban area that will support a group in such a specific specialty as peds surgery. After Minnesota, I'm thinking about the Mexican Riviera as a potential spot! My hubby has threatened Canada and I told him that I sure would miss him if he did a fellowship there. (Janet--if you're reading this, please take no offense, I'm just not a winter person). Who knows where we will end up. I certainly feel like it is not totally up to us.



Kelly

Kelly,



We will most likely move from here after school is out for the year in 2005, and will re-enter civilian life. I don't know how soon my husband will lock in on a position, though. Except for the standing offer that he has in Lafayette, he is completely in the dark about how to job hunt. Because he did a military residency, he doesn't really have a network within his specialty in Indiana. So it will be another adventure, as so much of his career already has been!



I would think your husband would have lots of opportunities in Indianapolis in his sub-specialty. It really is a nice place to live.



Sally

Re: meeting each other...We're trying to plan a meeting of the MSN to coincide with the Old PreMeds group meeting in DC next year...I think it would be great if we could all meet in "real life".



I miss a feeling of community too...particularly now in the winter time. I'd love to have my mom living close by or have friends around that I've know for years. The community that we live in is also fairly new, with no shops really or anything and even though it's quite small, it just doesn't have that "community" feeling. There are plans in the works to build a town centre, but unfortunately it's all strip mall planning.



I think a feeling of community just grows over time? as we feel more comfortable with where we live? I don't know. The place that we were happiest was Danville, PA home of the then IM program by Penn State Univ/Geisinger Med. Center. They hav since broke it off with Penn State...but I digress....There was a little town center with old fashioned shops that you could walk too...and every year we had a halloween parade...It was just so..quaint....man, I miss that!



Kris
Time is a Dressmaker, Specializing in Alterations!